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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

They’re releasing another “Jurassic” movie. Let me guess: The dinosaurs get loose.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Some people should have read-only access to the internet.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

It feels like a million o’clock right now.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

You know those lines you see painted on parking lots? I know this will come as a shock to some of you, but you’re supposed to park between them.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

You’re really hot. Wanna share microplastics?

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

Thank you for your password, now we are going to text you another password, then put that one in. Click ‘remember this computer’ so we can forget it.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

I’ll never be badass enough to walk around chewing on a toothpick.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

I actually think my version of the lyrics makes more sense.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

That one British friend that’s too bloke.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

I actually love talking to strangers, they will unknowingly say some shit that shifts your perspective, and you never see them again.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,292

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

I’m bad at being sad. Three minutes in, and I’m already making fun of my situation.

Breaking via Messenger:

Unfortunately, if you want to end your single life, you have to do something. So that’s not for me.

Seen just now on TikTok:

And where did Mr. Pepper receive his degree from exactly?

Breaking via TikTok:

Jesus Christ. I haven’t seen a meltdown like that since Chernobyl.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Had a shower and put on clean pajamas. It was a productive day.

Trending via Slack:

To horses, hay is considered both a bed and breakfast.

Just shared via Reddit:

All the stops on the bus are pointless, except the one I’m getting off at.

Just shared via Messenger:

Cars should come with a secondary smaller “sorry” horn for when you do something a lil silly by accident.

Going viral on Facebook:

Caesar, looking shocked: “Is it bring your knife to work day or something?”

Shared recently on Instagram:

Hosting Thanksgiving? Bring up politics so everyone will leave early.

First date idea: unlock and switch phones with the other person for exactly two minutes and if no one is horrified then the date continues.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"First date idea: Play a high-stakes game of phone roulette and see if you both come out unscathed! 📱😅 Just make sure to delete those embarrassing selfies beforehand! 💃🕺 #ModernRomance"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

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Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on Threads this month:

Some people are like ads, just skip.

74 shares on Threads this month:

I had zero respect for my boss until he started appearing exclusively by hologram.

68 shares on Pinterest this month:

There should be a zoo that has people from every country in it.

20 shares on Threads this month:

Betrayal only comes from someone we’re close to. Just like herpes.

94 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I love doing research. I will look up some stuff in a minute.

97 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You can just enjoy kombucha. You don’t need to go on a tirade about cleansing your gut.

67 shares on Discord this month:

The real advantage of being self-employed is that you don’t have to go to a Christmas party.

21 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Welcome to parenting! The only hobbies you have left are the ones you can do in the bathroom.

92 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I refuse to go to a blood bank. I’m not taking your blood money.

77 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Nothing ruins a Friday like realizing it’s only Wednesday.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to my very loose interpretation of ‘functioning adult’.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate it when I imagine how a conversation will go and then in the actual conversation the person goes off script. That’s not your line, man.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

As you get older, you suddenly realize that the Smurf who hates everything is the normal one.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Teens be like, “You know that crumbled up piece of paper that’s been on the table all week? I need it for school.”

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Good things happen when you smile or when you’re naked.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

What idiot called it Catfishing your Tinder Contacts and not Playing With Matches?

8 folks are currently checking 👀

The absolute injustice of being asked to come and take away the boxes of junk that you’ve been storing at your parents’ house for 20 years.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m always best at the things I shouldn’t do.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Almost fell asleep while putting on the sweater because it got dark for a moment. That’s all you need to know about my morning state.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I wonder if the plot ever gets tired of being twisted.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,316

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

The feminine urge to turn you on and not do anything about it.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

I want time to watch more films, but I also want time to read more books, but I also want time to look at more nothing.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

Gonna take the kids to the planetarium so they can watch YouTube on their phones.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

With great power comes a huge electric bill.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

Before you just FaceTime me randomly, please don’t.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

I’d be a horrible stalker… I’m always late.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

What was the name of the boat in Titanic?

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

A little time spent not acting your age is never a bad thing.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

Anyone who says there are no stupid questions is welcome to drop by my office. My colleagues will prove you wrong.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

Sex makes you happy. So I understand your dissatisfaction.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Telegram:

I would have loads of money if I liked Ramen Noodles and hated vodka.

Trending via LinkedIn:

My kid’s superpower is knowing he won’t like a food before he even tries it.

Trending via Messenger:

I wish I got hotter every time a man made me mad.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

What if babies had two umbilical cords and if you cut the wrong one, it exploded?

Just shared via Pinterest:

Monday has a personal vendetta against my happiness.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I always make sure the garage door is shut. Wouldn’t want hoodlums stealing the stuff I’ve been meaning to get rid of for years.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I don’t know what kind of sex makes y’all want a joint bank account, but I ain’t had it yet.

Trending via Facebook:

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the best thirst trap poster of them all?

Just shared via Slack:

I always ask for a receipt so I can keep them in my purse for 86 years.

Just landed via Snapchat:

You learn a lot about someone when you marry them. For example, I learned I should have married someone else.

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