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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ป has viewed:

I havenโ€™t bought 1 Christmas gift but I got 3 packages on the way for me though.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ป has viewed:

Tensing up so the masseuse doesnโ€™t win.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฑ has shared:

If you meet me and I’m talking to myself, just keep walking. I’m self-employed and I’m in a meeting with senior management.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ฌ has bookmarked:

These quiet electric cars are really annoying. I have to stop scrolling and look up while walking outside now.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฟ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has downloaded:

FOMO? No, Iโ€™ve got FOBI. Fear of being invited.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ด has shared:

Iโ€™d like to shrink you down and add you to my keychain.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has shared:

I hate when an old man tries to friend me on Facebook and then I realize we went to high school together.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡พ has viewed:

I don’t think people are actually getting any dumber. I think stupid people have just become way more confident.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ช has downloaded:

Giving out false information so I know who the leak is.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡พ has shared:

When youโ€™re two beers in, and you realize she looks like God.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

Funny Quotes Images

15,094

Updated

Dec 22, 2025

Users Online

3,860

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Just shared via Twitch:

Anyone who doesn’t like me snoring, doesn’t deserve me moaning either.

Spotted on Twitch:

Hey man, your fly is down. Let me get that for you.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I don’t hate anyone in particular, I just hate everyone in general.

Seen just now on TikTok:

My superpower is giving you the middle finger using my eyes only.

Going viral on X:

The closest thing Iโ€™ve had to a personal trainer is the ice cream truck that drove past my house.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

How do I get one of those fake corporate jobs where I work remotely, get paid for responding to one email a day, and have a laptop on with Outlook or whatever open?

Trending via Snapchat:

They should make a tanning bed that constantly rolls you over like a gas station hotdog.

Trending via WeChat:

Banks should have a gold bar that you can go in and touch when you feel poor.

Shared recently on Messenger:

So tired of looking in my wallet and not finding $10,000

Just shared via Instagram:

Of course your crush is going to leave their spouse for you. That’s how delusions work.

Home ยป Funny Acting Up Quotes

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Welcome to Wordgag! ๐Ÿ˜‰โœŒ๏ธ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฅ

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Social Media Stars โญ

40 shares on Reddit this month:

I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

19 shares on Facebook this month:

I love how “sleeping in” used to mean noon, and now it means 8:30 a.m.

78 shares on X this month:

Hulk Hoganโ€™s gone, so Iโ€™ll be ripping shirts and screaming โ€œBROTHERRR!โ€ at strangers in his honor.

82 shares on Facebook this month:

I need you to put the fun in refund!

95 shares on Instagram this month:

Stop asking me if Iโ€™m tired. Canโ€™t I just be ugly?

86 shares on Messenger this month:

I am the proud father of two content providers. I mean children. Two children.

17 shares on WeChat this month:

I miss the old days back in 1955, when I didn’t exist.

98 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Yes, I upload photos with filters because I want to look good. If you want to see the ugly side of me, come to my house.

87 shares on YouTube this month:

I hate when an old man tries to friend me on Facebook and then I realize we went to high school together.

62 shares on Facebook this month:

I was not prepared for my knees to sound like someone is breaking spaghetti noodles in half every time I go up the stairs.

Trending Topics ๐Ÿ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes ๐Ÿ’ฅ

6 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Sorry, I liked your post one second after you posted it but in my defense, Iโ€™ve had my phone in my hand since 2012.

16 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Donโ€™t let anyone treat you like a red flag, youโ€™re the whole damn red carpet, baby.

7 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I don’t wanna brag, but I’ve been told I’m micro-management material.

6 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

You think you’re raising your kids right, and then one of them decides to be a fan of your football team’s arch rival.

14 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

When they make a Hate Island, somebody link me.

21 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I woke up, got out of bed, and had coffee. I think that’s enough for one day.

5 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

People think I forgot the shit they said. Ain’t no expiration date on disrespect.

25 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

What a lot of people donโ€™t understand about mountain climbing is that donโ€™t do that.

20 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

The idiotโ€™s diet is just biting your tongue.

11 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

The problem with relationships these days is you donโ€™t know if youโ€™re the one being cheated on, or cheated with.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

Funny Quotes Images

15,094

Updated

Dec 22, 2025

Users Online

3,952

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ด has bookmarked:

I’m actually really good looking if you don’t look at me.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has shared:

Do you ever think about how many people squeezed the avocado that youโ€™re eating?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ฎ has bookmarked:

Girls only want one thing, and it’s to be photographed candidly on 35mm film.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ฎ has viewed:

Home is where you can walk around like a bum.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has viewed:

All we needed to be happy in the 90s was music and cigarettes.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has shared:

You donโ€™t know your own leg strength until youโ€™re kicking the end of a hotel tucked bed sheet.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฏ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has downloaded:

One day my sanity went out for smokes and never came back.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฌ has downloaded:

Bought a house plant so I wouldnโ€™t be the only one dying of dehydration around here.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ธ has shared:

Youโ€™re so vain. You probably think me being in this tree outside your house is about you.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has shared:

People who donโ€™t talk to themselves are the weird ones.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Going viral on Twitch:

The quickest way to get your kid to do their homework is to ask them to help with some chores.

Just landed via YouTube:

I miss the old days back in 1955, when I didn’t exist.

Making waves on Threads:

I received a DM telling me that Iโ€™ve offended some of you. Iโ€™m truly sorry; I meant to offend all of you.

Just landed via Facebook:

Twitter is basically like a mental institution where everyone thinks theyโ€™re the sane one, and everybody else is crazy.

Going viral on Threads:

There’s a disconnect between the decibel level of my car singing and my talent.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Vote for me, Iโ€™ll cut the alphabet in half.

Going bananas on Threads:

Sorry I marked myself as safe on Facebook after your PowerPoint presentation.

Just landed via Threads:

My favorite thing to do on the weekend is not leave my house.

Breaking via X:

I’m now at the age where sitting cross-legged on the floor is punishable by about three days of full-body paralysis.

Just landed via Facebook:

The date didnโ€™t go well but she was nice enough to send a PDF of everything I did wrong afterwards.

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