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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

You know you’re getting old when the radio stations and bars play music you don’t like, but the supermarket is throwing out banger after banger.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

Terrible things can happen if you go camping. For starters, you could want to go camping again.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

My ex is somewhere telling his new girlfriend how bad I was, and she’s smiling, thinking she made it in life. Two idiots.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Is it smoky eye or were you wearing mascara and your eyes got itchy?

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

The closest I get to a spa day is when I’m draining pasta, and the steam smacks me in the face.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

The night terrors don’t scare me half as much as the day terrors.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your card out of your wallet.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Every night at bedtime I do one small ritual: six hours on my cell phone.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

Why is it cute when a baby falls asleep clutching a bottle. Yet, when I do it, it’s “concerning”?

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

Hand sanitizer will find a cut you didn’t even know you had.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

234 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,503

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,503

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,714

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Just saw my evil doppelganger speed away in a DeLorean. I’m sure it’s fine.

Making waves on YouTube:

I hate taking my pants off at the dentist. So humiliating.

Trending via Slack:

“Thank you for choosing Amtrak.” No problem. There are no other trains.

Seen just now on YouTube:

“I asked Grok. I asked ChatGPT.” Yeah, well, I asked my mom. She said no.

Live now on YouTube:

Please don’t match my crazy. One of us has to be rational here, and it’s definitely not going to be me.

Spotted on YouTube:

My home security system is just a copy of my paycheck taped to my front door.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Strangers vomiting their beliefs all over you every day is not good for the soul.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

If you’re feeling a little uneasy about the state of global geopolitics, remember to spend as much time on your phone as possible. The more information you ingest as you scroll, the calmer you will become.

Spotted on X:

Partying hard on this Friday night, and by partying hard, I mean laying on my bed starfish-style.

Funny alan quotes

Funny Alan quotes bring endless laughs 😂 and quirky wisdom 🤪 to brighten your day! Whether you’re a fan of witty one-liners or hilarious life observations, these gems are perfect for sharing with friends or adding a little humor to your feed 📱✨. Ready to chuckle and smile? Let’s dive into the funniest Alan moments that’ll keep you entertained nonstop! 🎉🤣

New funny alan quotes 👇

All funny alan quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes
🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

74 shares on Messenger this month:

Everyone’s a gangster until they have to say sorry.

94 shares on Twitch this month:

We need a streaming service that’s only ads. No shows, just commercials. They pay us $15 a month.

31 shares on Instagram this month:

If I was pregnant and people asked when I was due, I would say “What do you mean?”

22 shares on Twitch this month:

If a stranger starts talking to me in an elevator I say “I don’t want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you” that usually shuts them up.

43 shares on Discord this month:

Explain it to me like I’m 5 drinks in.

14 shares on TikTok this month:

A gentle reminder that if your birth year starts with a 19, you should consider wrapping the Christmas presents on a table, and not on the floor.

91 shares on Instagram this month:

What if the universe wasn’t infinite or finite, but a secret third thing?

72 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.

27 shares on YouTube this month:

I’ve cooked for men I should have poisoned, so yeah, I do have self-control.

85 shares on Telegram this month:

The world started without permission again.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

A friend’s boyfriend is not my friend… that is a coworker, at best.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Bugs Bunny taught me that my choices aren’t limited to fight or flight, I can also pretend I’m a pretty lady.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve heard that some people have kids who sleep through the night and I’d like to know if they use tranquilizers or chloroform.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m planning to eat the rich, but can I sub out fries for a salad?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I replaced my old flat pillow that hurt my neck with a new fat fluffy pillow that hurts my neck.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I treat people the way I want to be treated by not leaving the house.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Not to brag, but I’ve seen Barbie naked.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Inside you, there are two wolves. Kevin Costner is dancing with both of them. I don’t know how this works.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

My life started becoming a mess when I was put in charge of my own bedtime.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

If I was ever told to “dress to impress”, my first thought would be to get the Batman suit out.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

234 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,503

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,503

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,471

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

The leading cause for injury in old men is them thinking they are still young men.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

My favorite thing to do is nothing.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

I remember when I was broke… I’m still broke, that’s why I remember so well.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

We really do need a separate grocery store for people who’ve been on Earth before.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

I love when lashes make me look evil.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

It’s funny how it’s often easier to access academic resources illegally, even when you have university library access.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

I would like even faster food.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

I really miss my family… sized bag of crisps.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

If the man is silent, he is a thinker. If the woman is silent, the thinker is in big trouble.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

Not to brag or anything, but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on X:

In a packed elevator, everyone is silent. Stomach: I will now demonstrate the mating call of a whale.

Just landed via Reddit:

I am writing a book about reverse psychology. Please don’t buy it.

Broadcasted on Slack:

You either get a kid who eats like a bottomless pit, or you get one that when asked what they want for lunch answers “No thanks, I had lunch yesterday.”

Going viral on Facebook:

Killing with kindness is a murder by compliments.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I never finish what I start. I have a black belt in partial arts.

Just landed via Reddit:

I think the most financially irresponsible thing I’ve done is get my kids to like sushi.

Shared recently on Slack:

Nice tweets, bro. What medications are you on?

Trending via Twitch:

Using a remote to type on a keyboard on the TV is truly one of the worst human experiences that we endure.

Just shared via TikTok:

Oh, you’re in a situationship? Are you the one with commitment issues or the one with low self-worth?

Breaking via TikTok:

Sorry, I said yippee when you took off your pants. Do you still think I’m hot?

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