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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

I’m not a morning person. I’m not even an afternoon person. I pretty much start functioning after 6pm.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Buying a new phone isn’t even satisfying anymore. It’s literally just your old phone with a haircut.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Someone was saying that social media makes you miss out on your real life, but have you seen real life?

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

People who say that they don’t have time for my bullshit should wake up an hour earlier.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

When Hulk wrecks shit he’s “incredible.” When I do it I’m “causing a scene” and “need to leave this place immediately.”

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

We were supposed to have flying cars and other cool stuff, but instead we have AI videos showing Michael Jackson eat at McDonald’s.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

I drink my coffee black because I like to save my calories for alcohol.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

Sometimes I glance over at my boyfriend, and he’s just looking at Google Maps, scrolling around.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

Please no requests for a threesome. If I want to disappoint two people at the same time, I’ll visit my parents.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,605

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Telegram:

Breaking a heart is considered bad, but melting a heart is somehow good.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Sorry I didn’t get you an anniversary card, babe, but you opted in to paperless affection on our third date.

Breaking via Telegram:

As a childless adult, it is my duty to embrace hobbies and pastimes that my peers cannot, as they have sacrificed their free time to maintain the population. I must vibe and chill, and do fun things, in their honor.

Trending via X:

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!” Oh, it’s ok, you can just kill me next time.

Just shared via WeChat:

If it ain’t broke, my kids haven’t used it yet.

Broadcasted on Discord:

I’m not an early bird or a night owl, I’m some sort of permanently exhausted pigeon.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Working out consistently yields results, but mannnnnnn…… the laundry.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

They say money doesn’t solve all problems, but it will surely solve all of mine.

Breaking via X:

I remember when Britain used to be so rich, you’d be embarrassed to go into a Lidl or Aldi.

Breaking via Facebook:

Threatening my husband with tariffs every time he tries to make me watch sports on TV.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

94 shares on X this month:

It sucks when a woman realizes that her knight in shining armor was actually just a moron wrapped in tinfoil.

34 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’ve reached the conclusion that all men love thigh high stockings.

53 shares on TikTok this month:

Making a grown man kiss his camera on Facetime.

70 shares on Snapchat this month:

Love when people summon Grok and there’s no reply. He just doesn’t care sometimes.

73 shares on Snapchat this month:

Women only want one thing, and it’s the power to cast men who tell us to smile right into a pit of giant venomous serpents.

27 shares on Twitch this month:

For a guy with no reflection, Dracula’s eyeliner is always flawless.

67 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Most insane people live outside of madhouses.

90 shares on YouTube this month:

Bro, did you really just mix up e.g. and i.e. in front of the hoes?

28 shares on Facebook this month:

Today I told my daughter she’s giving me a headache! She told me “For suggestions and complaints, contact the manufacturer.”

17 shares on Discord this month:

I love how bananas just take over the whole smoothie. You can never dim her light.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Probably the most depressed I’ve ever been in my life, except for a bunch of other times.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Just so you know, it’s almost impossible to drink coffee while laying down.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

It is kind of inspiring that I messed up my life without drugs, gambling or a troubled youth. People really can do anything.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

What no one tells you about having kids is that within a few years you’re in possession of a lot of teeth that you have no idea what to do with.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Roses are red. Let’s get some fresh air. Make love in the moonlight. Have a pregnancy scare.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

8 pm to 10 pm on a weeknight is the shortest that two hours can possibly be.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Vacations are expensive, but how else could you put a price tag on your kids being ungrateful in a different city.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I accidentally clicked on an ad, so I guess I will see that product all over my phone until I’m dead.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I told a joke to my boss, and he must have found it really funny because now I get to tell it to HR.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,438

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

If Stranger Things was British, it would be called ‘Bit odd, innit?’

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

No pre-workout, just flashbacks of stuff I let slide.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

It’s fun getting room service. I just love eating a $19 hamburger at a desk in front of a mirror.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

On average, my daily actions demonstrate I’m probably good at something else.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

You can fake an American accent all you want, but “literally” will expose you.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

My favorite childhood memory is not paying bills.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

Yeah, sex is cool, but have you ever taken an afternoon nap on the couch?

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

I just come here for the free life advice and inspirational quotes from people who’s lives are complete train wrecks.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

I end all my sentences with “Just saying..” because ending them with “You bonehead..” would probably be considered offensive.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

Do you mind if I wear my black T-shirt covered in pet hair to your fine dining establishment?

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Telegram:

“Twister 3” should be told from a cow’s POV.

Going viral on YouTube:

I’ve been heading in the wrong direction for most of my life, but since the earth is round, I’m just going to stick with it and see it through.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Having a job is insane because they give you actual money in exchange for pressing the buttons.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Your call is really important to us but first enjoy this clarinet number for the next seventy five minutes.

Just landed via Twitch:

Imagine being a bald vampire and every time you walk by a mirror your toupée is just floating.

Live now on WeChat:

Does anyone know if it’s possible to buy the transcripts of audiobooks? Thanks!

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

That feeling when you take the first bite of your favourite food, that’s called chewphoria.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I deleted Google when I met you because the search was over.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

“Unavailable” is my favorite state to be in.

Trending via WeChat:

All kids are born with a sixth sense that lets them know the absolute worst time to ask for something.

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