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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

I respect the moon’s unwillingness to be photographed on a phone.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

They charge you for the groceries and then they charge you for the toilet paper when you turn the groceries into poop. Open your eyes!

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Blackout curtains because I’ll decide what time it is.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

If I were in charge of Nike, I’d change the slogan to “Just Say You Did It. Nobody Ever Checks.”

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

Today’s toddlers can switch on laptops and use apps. When I was little, I ate sand.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

People are too judgmental these days… I can tell just by looking at them.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

I don’t just hold a grudge; I love it, pet it, feed it and take it for long walks on the beach.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

Twitter is fun because you can tweet about hashbrowns and someone will say you are responsible for genocide.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

When I was young, I couldn’t wait to be older. Well, I wasn’t expecting this shit!

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

It got weird when I thought both arm rests at the movie theatre were mine.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,637

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via X:

Doggy style means I get a treat afterwards, right?

Freshly posted on X:

Never faked an orgasm before, but the joy of ugly presents.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I’m not easily offended, but I am easily annoyed.

Just landed via X:

Sex is cool but have you ever had a king size bed all to yourself.

Just landed via Reddit:

The part where the music beat is going from your left ear to the right at different intervals.

Shared recently on Slack:

My dogs don’t feel earthquakes because they have constant gas.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Welcome to your 40s: you’re not exhausted, that’s just your face now.

Live now on Discord:

After being raised on Disney movies, I’m very disappointed how few adult problems can be solved by a good song and dance.

Breaking via Pinterest:

My kids will never appreciate the amount of extroverting the introvert me does for them.

Just shared via Threads:

“I’m not even close to how crazy I’m legally entitled to be.”

Funny automated phone system quotes

New funny automated phone system quotes 👇

Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the first twelve digits of pi.

2 weeks ago

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All funny automated phone system quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

73 shares on Discord this month:

Thank you two-step authentication codes that expire after 60 seconds for providing Mission Impossible-type drama into my mundane suburban existence.

30 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The first person to see a peacock spread his tail probably had a heart attack.

13 shares on Discord this month:

Job posting: $15/hr for master’s degree. Burrito menu: $23 for bean and cheese burrito.

90 shares on Snapchat this month:

Brains are funny. I can remember every word to a song I haven’t heard in 20 years, but I’ve got no clue what my email password is.

73 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Missionary, so we can discuss how 15 min can save us 15% or more on car insurance.

69 shares on TikTok this month:

Beautiful women named Severe Thunderstorm Warning are blowing up my phone.

94 shares on Twitch this month:

Before the internet, going viral meant your drawing made it to the fridge, and your sibling was furious.

53 shares on Discord this month:

I never finish what I start. I have a black belt in partial arts.

98 shares on Reddit this month:

Half of Twitter is horny, half is depressed, and the other half don’t know how to do math.

43 shares on Pinterest this month:

Never trust someone who can eat 24/7 but is still skinny.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

Lord of the Rings is wild cause Gandalf told Frodo he had to go on a super dangerous journey and Frodo was like “Ok, can I bring my gardener?”

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

No wine. No peace. Know wine. Know peace.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

Behind every beautiful woman is either tummy issues, low iron, or poor eyesight.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

My biggest fear is waking up and being in the Renaissance era or something. Imagine having the knowledge of hot dogs but lacking the tools to make them.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

“Devil’s advocate” implies the existence of heaven’s prosecutor.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

A Southerner dies every time you people type “ya’ll” instead of “y’all,” btw.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

What do you mean it’s Monday? We just had Monday. This can’t be right.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

I do not like FaceTime unless we’re best friends or I’m in love with you.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Just a reminder that you’re not allowed to hit your coworkers. Even if they’re stupid. I asked. Twice.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

I can’t wait to buy Chanel bags on a random Tuesday for me and my friends.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

October is the situationship of months. So briefly beautiful, but you know the horrors are imminent.

Trending via Reddit:

I’m going to break into your house and steal that thing with the little wheels on it under the plate in your microwave.

Freshly posted on X:

Adding “but that’s just me” after giving the absolute worst advice to a coworker.

Trending via Messenger:

Teens are like, “My homework isn’t done, but check out this presentation I made on why I need Instagram.”

Trending via WeChat:

Mixing 1% milk and 2% milk to create the forbidden 1.72% milk.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Hate when I have to be mean. Why would you push a sweet girl this far?

Making waves on TikTok:

Not arguing with a man that can cook. Whatever you say, handsome.

Spotted on YouTube:

We go together like Drunk and Disorderly.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

The money I made gradually, you need urgently?

Live now on LinkedIn:

Me to alien: I, too, try to live among people undetected.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Funny automated phone system quotes

New funny automated phone system quotes 👇

Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the first twelve digits of pi.

All funny automated phone system quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨