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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

Cause of death: Trying to draw eyebrows on the neighbor’s cat.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

I feel like a large portion of my adult life has been looking for an adult to do my adulting.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Can everyone log off? I need some time alone right now.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

Remember, you don’t have to worry about being around annoying people in public if you never leave the house.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

Let’s call it a year. I’ve had enough. Merry Christmas, y’all.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

I’m not feeling very worky today.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

You can have kids or you can always know where your scissors are. You can’t have both.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Considering joining a cult just for the subsidized housing.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

My mama didn’t raise a quitter, she raised a burnt out perfectionist who is sometimes bludgeoned into settling for mediocrity.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

Time travel is all well and good, but I feel so stupid right now. None of them have the mustache. No way to tell which baby is Hitler.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,569

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Telegram:

Doesn’t matter if the chicken or the egg came first. Still a weird thing to just appear.

Just shared via Facebook:

Steve Jobs was a vibe coder. He just prompted Steve Wozniak.

Making waves on X:

I would love to have children one day. Two days maximum.

Seen just now on Instagram:

The most dangerous part of your 50s is those first few steps after prolonged sitting.

Going viral on Slack:

I run every day for 30 minutes. If I miss a day, I add 30 minutes to the next day. This has truly been a game changer. Tomorrow I’m supposed to run for 3 weeks.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Life hack: You can’t be sad if you are asleep.

Just shared via Instagram:

You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not a jar of Nutella.

Just landed via Threads:

Nostalgia isn’t as good as it used to be.

Breaking via WeChat:

I don’t even know what the Transformers are fighting about, to be honest.

Just landed via TikTok:

Sorry, I’m late. I found my old CD collection.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

24 shares on Discord this month:

I always ask for a receipt so I can keep them in my purse for 86 years.

86 shares on Reddit this month:

Sex is cool but have you ever had a king size bed all to yourself.

43 shares on TikTok this month:

I take offense when people don’t invite me to events l’d like to turn down.

50 shares on Discord this month:

Hiring a mortician to do my makeup while I sleep.

60 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I love how my brain is like, “We’re not going to think about that,” and then thinks about only that.

90 shares on Reddit this month:

Eating the rest of the donuts will keep me from eating donuts tomorrow. My logic is flawless.

10 shares on Twitch this month:

Why make new mistakes when you can keep repeating the same old familiar ones.

18 shares on Snapchat this month:

I would cry but my makeup is too expensive.

81 shares on Facebook this month:

They say money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.

100 shares on Twitch this month:

Yeah, I have a drinking problem. It’s called dehydration.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not being mean. I’m just too old to pretend to like you.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Kids be like: “Nice bathroom mirror. It would be a shame if I spat toothpaste all over it.”

18 folks are currently checking 👀

So sad. Elvis died before he could see the Lego movie. He woulda been like, ‘Mama, those blocks are movin’ and shakin.’

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I only like when it rains when I’m home.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

People believe that they have brains but maybe that’s just inside their heads.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Due to inflation and tariffs, my love now costs a thing.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Make sure you bury me near a bathroom because death is long, and I’m sure I’ll still have to get up and pee.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I was not prepared for my knees to sound like someone is breaking spaghetti noodles in half every time I go up the stairs.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

“Why would I lie to you?” I don’t know, maybe because you’re a liar.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m tired of being an adult. Therefore, I will be stepping down. Thank you!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,613

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

Go ahead and get some sleep, everyone. I’ll stay up and handle the overthinking.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

My dream is to buy a horse and race it. The horse will probably beat me but it’ll still be fun.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

There’s endless songs out there about love and pain and life, but basically only one about the wheels on the bus. Just goes to show you they nailed it the first try.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all: I watched Rebel Moon 2 and the Netflix app worked well. Showed me the entire movie. In color.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

At this point of my celibacy, I can see the same colors as mantis shrimp. What do you know about blorange and gurple?

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

So single the neighborhood cats make ME dinner.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

If cats could text you back, they wouldn’t.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

Imagine not sighing when you think about your life.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Having long hair as a guy is so scary because some days I look like the charming lead of a classic film from the 80s, and other days I look like a Discord mod that runs his Magic: The Gathering group like the Navy.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

It’s wild that you can just do anything. Date the wrong person, choose the wrong career. You can go outside and start eating dirt if you want, and the universe lets you. Not even a pop-up like “Are you sure?“

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

If Facebook has taught us anything it’s that a lot of people aren’t quite ready for a spelling bee.

Going viral on Messenger:

Can’t stand British posts on my timeline. “I bought this for four squids and a halfpenny!” What the hell are you talking about?

Breaking via WhatsApp:

The worst part of marriage is when you do something stupid, the best part of marriage is when your partner does something stupid.

Just landed via Discord:

Roses are red, violets are blue. When I listen to rock music, my neighbors do too.

Spotted on X:

Tried counting sheep, but now I’m emotionally invested in their backstories and I think one might need therapy.

Breaking via WeChat:

Dear Math, I don’t want to solve your problem, I have my own problems to solve.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Every time you break spaghetti noodles in half, an Italian has a stroke.

Seen just now on Threads:

It’s getting slide guitar and harmonica hot outside.

Trending via Pinterest:

Super quick question: does anyone know what the point is?

Shared recently on Discord:

I really love how squirrels get extra chubby heading into winter mostly because it’s super relatable.

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