162 funny coffee quotes - Page 4 - Wordgag

Many greetings from my coffee. Y’all are talking too much again.

May 22, 2026

They should make you watch a training video and pass a little test before you’re allowed to touch the office coffee maker.

May 22, 2026

Feeling lonely? Just glue a coffee cup to the roof of your car. Everyone will wave to you.

May 22, 2026

I switched from coffee to orange juice and told my doctor I felt better. He said it’s the vitamin C and natural sugars, but I think it’s the vodka.

May 22, 2026

Liberté. Egalité. Second Coffeé.

May 21, 2026

My kids think I’m going to miss them when they leave for college, but I’ll be busy drinking my coffee while it’s still hot.

May 21, 2026

My mom gave me a coffee mug that says “Be your own kind of beautiful” and I’m really trying not to read too much into that.

May 21, 2026

I’m lazy and chubby. I love food, naps, and coffee. I don’t like Mondays, people, and exercise. I never thought I would grow up to be Garfield.

May 21, 2026

After I drink coffee, I show my empty cup to the IT guy and say that I have successfully installed Java. He hates me.

May 21, 2026

I’m so old, I still drink my coffee at home in the morning. From a real cup.

May 21, 2026

I’m drinking coffee so I don’t say mean things to you. You’re welcome.

May 21, 2026

I’m not addicted to coffee. We’re just very close.

May 21, 2026

Maybe coffee is addicted to me?

May 21, 2026

Second day without coffee. I can no longer hear out of my left eye.

May 21, 2026

Spice up your work day by drinking your coffee from a flask.

May 21, 2026

I made coffee and carried it to the couch. I’ve done everything I had planned for this Sunday.

May 21, 2026

Winter. You get up, drink coffee and then it gets dark.

May 21, 2026

The human body is amazing. One half-open eye and the brain under emergency power are enough to make coffee.

May 21, 2026

Coffee is just goth water.

May 21, 2026

Good morning to everyone except the baristas who don’t tighten the lid.

May 21, 2026

If you did the weekend right, your coffee needs coffee today.

May 21, 2026

Could you even imagine the crime rate if no one drank coffee or ate bacon.

May 21, 2026

Of course, because I’m wearing a white shirt, my coffee chose violence.

May 21, 2026

Day number 3 without coffee: Lost hearing in my left eye.

May 21, 2026

Forget the alarm clock. Just give me the smell of bacon and coffee.

May 21, 2026

The second cup of coffee does for me what a can of spinach does for Popeye.

May 20, 2026

Why do coffee beans smell so good, and coffee breath is like bleh?

May 20, 2026

I’m at the age where drinking a cup of coffee now makes me feel like Popeye scarfing down a can of spinach.

May 20, 2026

Today is one of those days that even my coffee needs a coffee.

May 20, 2026

Listen, before I had my coffee I didn’t know how awesome I was going to be today either.

May 20, 2026

Spilling hot coffee on your lap wakes you up faster than drinking it.

May 20, 2026

If you love a friend, let them go. If they come back with coffee, it was meant to be.

May 20, 2026

May your coffee kick in, before reality does.

May 20, 2026

Dinosaurs never had coffee, and we see how that turned out.

May 20, 2026

I drink so much coffee, people feel jittery when they see a picture of me.

May 20, 2026

I love the smell of freshly brewed delusions in the morning.

May 20, 2026

Iced coffee and crying, the most Californian afternoon.

May 19, 2026

My plans for today? Same as always, drink coffee and be sexy.

May 19, 2026

Is it socially acceptable to wear pajamas all day if you’re constantly holding a coffee cup?

May 19, 2026

Coffee doesn’t even work on me anymore. I just drink it because the taste tricks my brain into thinking I’m a functioning adult.

May 19, 2026