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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

Bon Jovi must be at least 3/4 of the way there by now.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

The Bible is 100% accurate when thrown at close range.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

I was googling the best time to visit Italy. It is when you have money.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

There’s not gonna be a civil war. None of us can afford to take that much time off work.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

Lately life has been all panic no disco.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Can’t, holding a grudge.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

I bought a little bag of air today. The company that made it was kind enough to put some potato chips in it as well.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

Grateful for independence mostly because British food is gross.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

I nearly broke my toe because the coffee table didn’t look where it was going.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Slowly descending into madness. Anyone want anything?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,660

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I think the key to happiness is having plenty of money and then telling all the poor people that money can’t buy happiness.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Ramen is just anime spaghetti.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Welcome to your late 40s! From now on you will no longer be in “good health” but in “good health for your age”.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

I just come here for the free life advice and inspirational quotes from people who’s lives are complete train wrecks.

Making waves on Reddit:

The best piece of dating advice I’ve ever received is “If they like you, you’ll know. If they don’t, you’ll be confused.” Honestly, it’s all you need to know.

Seen just now on Discord:

Listen, before I had my coffee I didn’t know how awesome I was going to be today either.

Trending via WeChat:

Sorry, I’m late. I was pumping up the jam.

Going viral on TikTok:

Those eyes ain’t gonna roll itself, let me help you.

Just shared via Messenger:

Nobody knows what to do with me and I just think that’s beautiful.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

The first bowl of cereal makes you want a second, but the second makes you wish you stopped at the first.

Funny declined quotes

Funny declined quotes are the perfect way to turn a no into a laugh-out-loud moment 😂💬 Whether you’ve faced rejection or just love clever comebacks, these witty lines bring humor to every decline 🙅‍♂️✨ Get ready to lighten the mood and embrace the art of saying no with a smile 😎🎉

New funny declined quotes 👇

All funny declined quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

70 shares on YouTube this month:

I don’t get enough credit for acting far less crazy than I actually am.

63 shares on Twitch this month:

If A-B-C-D didn’t take their sweet time in the alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn’t have to sprint every time.

69 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My wife screamed “you haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said, have you?!” I was taken aback, what a weird way to start a conversation.

83 shares on Facebook this month:

Sometimes I’m out in public and I have to look down real quick to make sure I remembered to put on pants.

98 shares on Telegram this month:

One does not simply become a master of karate. First, you must accidentally walk into a spider web.

96 shares on Pinterest this month:

Mondays are for pretending. Real work begins on Tuesday.

80 shares on Snapchat this month:

Men be like, “But I’m different.” Yeah, a different type of disappointment.

36 shares on Discord this month:

Having hoes in different area codes sounds really exhausting.

69 shares on X this month:

A college education is one of the few things a person is willing to pay for and not get.

73 shares on Slack this month:

Please stop fighting with each other on the internet and start fighting with each other in real life. Life is short.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’ve never met a medical receptionist that I believed wanted me to live.”

24 folks are currently checking 👀

The only person I ever call is my wife, and that’s just when we’re trying to find her phone.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Stretching my back isn’t enough; I need to take out my spine and wring it out like a towel.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Called off work. Feeling fat and wearing jeans.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I want to live in a world where the plural of moose is mooses.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Doggy style is out cat style is in. It’s where I let you touch me until I’m satisfied then ignore you and scratch you if you try and touch me again.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Whether you rip off a bandaid quickly or slowly, I find it’s best to ask the wearer’s permission first.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

If someone asks you if you’re in the queue, what they actually mean is “you’re really shit at queuing, aren’t you?”

21 folks are currently checking 👀

The Frankfurt School?? What are you majoring in, hot dog?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I get jealous when I find someone playing a song I thought only I knew.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,415

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

My save-for-later cart on Amazon is up to about $1.5 million dollars.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

If I was the inventor of healing, I would have made it linear, I can tell you that much.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

Some things are better left unsaid, which I certainly realize, right after I say them.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

My wife screamed “you haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said, have you?!” I was taken aback, what a weird way to start a conversation.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Enjoying the consequences of my actions.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Horrifying if literal: my girlfriend is a gym rat.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

My Facebook friends are like my pen collection. I have 100 but only one writes.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Sex is great, but have you ever started slowly picking up speed after sitting in a traffic jam?

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

I used to judge cat owners for giving in to their pets’ whims too easily, but holy shit, these animals are relentless and would starve themselves to organ failure just because one time, weeks ago, they had a taste of some ‘better’ food.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

I’m not gonna have a bad day. The day is gonna have a bad me.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

The best thing capitalism has done is put a little window on pasta boxes so the noodles can look out at the world.

Seen just now on Facebook:

The lion doesn’t concern himself with much of anything these days.

Freshly posted on Slack:

“Home Alone” is a holiday reminder that peace begins the moment everyone leaves the house.

Breaking via Discord:

My kid tells me his toothpaste is “too spicy” but he doesn’t seem to be having any trouble with Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Worst feeling is playing a game and having nobody to talk to about it.

Breaking via TikTok:

My kids are smart but sometimes they say dumb stuff like, “Mom, why do you always buy Snickers when you’re the only one who likes them?”

Freshly posted on Facebook:

People moaning and making noise over food makes me so livid I can’t keep it in.

Broadcasted on X:

I wonder if people who spend all their time screaming on the internet know there are way more fun things to do.

Making waves on Twitch:

I would go out of my mind, but I can’t find the exit.

Shared recently on WeChat:

If you’re looking for a wild woman, I just took all of my vitamins in one gulp.

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