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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

I only buy cookware with the handles that somehow get hotter than the pot itself.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

It’s crazy I need a certificate to prove I was born when you can literally just look at me.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

When I was a kid there were two sure ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

I try not to post too much, to give everyone else a better chance at being seen.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Some people change their faces like traffic lights change their lights.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

So apparently if they ask “do you trust me?”, replying with “well, I trust you to be you” is the incorrect response.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

Whoever came up with “penny for your thoughts,” “don’t nickel and dime me,” and “another day another dollar” sure knew how to coin a phrase.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

I won’t rest until a cure for insomnia is found.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Whoever named them fitting rooms has a lot of nerve.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

I don’t always have time to fold laundry, but when I do, I don’t.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

830 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,992

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,992

Updated

4 seconds ago

Users Online

3,434

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Messenger:

I always sit in the middle stall so I have a bathroom buddy.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I’m so old, I still keep special moments in my heart and not in my Insta story.

Spotted on Pinterest:

People in my real life annoy me, so I come online to annoy you.

Breaking via Twitch:

I cannot imagine being in high school right now. Imagine the world is eating itself alive and you’re in school.

Just shared via Discord:

God sends you an only child as a friend to test you.

Breaking via Slack:

Writers should get a direct line to the FBI so we can call them and give them a heads up when we’re googling ways to poison someone but just for a story.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Don’t worry. You’re exactly where you should be in life. Because you’ve made horrible choices.

Spotted on Slack:

Imagine hating me, and I’m over here with one hand in my pocket, and the other one giving a high five.

Just landed via Discord:

The sexiest woman you know is trying to maintain her balance between insanity and genius.

Just landed via Facebook:

Any cults got something wild planned anytime soon? I’m trying to find the good estate sales.

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Funny disassociation quotes

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All funny disassociation quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm sleep social someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

830 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,992

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,992

Updated

4 seconds ago

Users Online

3,442

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Even if there’s a murderer behind me, finish chewing before you tell me.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

A good man is hard to find, but a babysitter for Friday night is harder.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

Vote for me and I will halve the calories in chocolate.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

Italians, look away now. I break my spaghetti in half before I cook it.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not dying, it’s just Thursday.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

Good morning to everyone who doesn’t get on my nerves.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

Men shouldn’t be allowed to download any app other than Wikipedia.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

I’m planning to save money on Christmas gifts this year by wrapping up all the toys my toddler dropped behind the couch.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

I bet my calculator app wrapped would be pretty shameful.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

I want to be cremated so that I will get a smoking-hot body again.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Lord of the Rings is wild cause Gandalf told Frodo he had to go on a super dangerous journey and Frodo was like “Ok, can I bring my gardener?”

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.

Reported on Discord:

When I hear the word “horror”, the first thing I think of is bills, not Halloween.

Just shared via Threads:

I don’t normally like to brag about expensive trips but I just got back from the grocery store.

Going viral on TikTok:

Sorry I’m late, traffic is exactly how it’s been every day for the past couple years, and I was not expecting that.

Breaking via Telegram:

I lost my composure in 1992. I haven’t seen it since.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

If someone ghosts you, respect the dead and never disturb them again.

Seen just now on Instagram:

If one door opens when another door closes, your house is probably haunted.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

“New recipe” is code for “less content, but worse ingredients”.

Spotted on Instagram:

I don’t believe in lying to children, unless it’s about where the good snacks are hidden. Then it’s fine.

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