Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

Not trying to brag but I just beat the high score on this blood pressure machine.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

Worst fears: 1. being infertile 2. being pregnant.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

People will think you know what you’re talking about if you give your opinion while cleaning a pair of reading glasses.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

You don’t realize how incorrect and annoying YouTube video essays are until they’re about something you like.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

Absurdity is the spice of life.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

Today is the Mondayest Thursday that has ever been mistaken for a Friday in the history of Wednesdays.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

Nothing rattles me like the difference between rows and columns, man. I hate it so much.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

I am not someone you have to entertain if you invite me, because I will have canceled.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

I’ve been commissioned to kiss you on the lips. I need to get this done by tonight.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

Don’t be coming into my house and causing big spikes of cortisol.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2326 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,488

Funny Quotes Topics

15,192

Funny Quotes Images

12,488

Updated

57 minutes ago

Users Online

3,449

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I set up a Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

Making waves on WeChat:

I was not made for a 9 to 5; I was made to eat pasta and lay in the sun like a lizard.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

My birth year getting a lil too far on those lil scroll lists. I don’t like that.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I told all my neighbors that I have a twin, so that when I see them in public I don’t have to talk to them.

Seen just now on Discord:

If McDonald’s sold hot dogs, would you be able to, with a straight face, order a McWiener and tell them to supersize it?

Just landed via Discord:

The two most popular things to do on the internet are arguing about politics and looking at naked people. Million dollar website idea: combine both — naked people arguing about politics.

Just shared via Reddit:

For a long time, I didn’t know what to do with my strange thoughts. Then I signed up for Facebook.

Seen just now on X:

My neighbor told me he heard me having sex this morning. I was putting on my shoes.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Now that I have a standing desk, I’m adding manual labor to my resume.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I’m always happy when I come home from shopping and the note on the table reminds me of what I wanted to buy.

Home » Funny Egotist Quotes

Funny egotist quotes

New funny egotist quotes 👇

For even more funny egotist quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny egotist quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes
Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2326 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,488

Funny Quotes Topics

15,192

Funny Quotes Images

12,488

Updated

57 minutes ago

Users Online

3,454

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

If I ask “What’s your zodiac sign?” it’s either because we’re vibing or you’re getting on my nerves.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

Proposing at someone else’s wedding is out. Die at their funeral like a real man.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

I wish pets lived longer, and life wasn’t so expensive, and cake didn’t make you fat, and people weren’t twats.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

I kind of miss when people stood 6 feet away.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

If oats can be milk, you can be whatever you want.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

I did 30 minutes of chores, time for a 7-hour break.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

When did making sense stop making sense?

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

“Are you dating anyone?” I close my eyes when I walk past mirrors.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

The person opposite me has a donut. I do not have a donut. That should be my donut. This person is now my arch nemesis.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

In case no one told you today. I’m beautiful.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

Naps are tricky. Either you wake up relaxed and refreshed, or you have a headache, a dry throat and no idea what year it is.

Shared recently on X:

My retirement plan is recording a hit Christmas song. I just need to learn how to sing and write music.

Spotted on Twitch:

I will never forget how to spell bananas, thanks to Gwen Stefani.

Shared recently on Discord:

Losing weight in your 40’s: LOL!

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Everyone hates math until their paycheck looks funny, then all of a sudden you know trigonometry.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Don’t let anyone tell you, you can’t do something. Show them you can’t.

Breaking via TikTok:

Kinda sucks that the prize for washing your laundry is getting to fold your laundry.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Microplastics are a waste of time. I go straight to eating whole packaging.

Trending via WhatsApp:

The recipe I’m making specifically says allow to cook undisturbed, and yet my whole family is standing in the kitchen.

Trending via Threads:

If you like Christmas so much, why don’t you merry it?

Share Wordgag 🙏

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴