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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

“Thank you for choosing Amtrak.” No problem. There are no other trains.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

If someone asks you if you’re in the queue, what they actually mean is “you’re really shit at queuing, aren’t you?”

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

I can usually cope with the opinions of others because I don’t listen.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

You give a man your heart and he’s gonna put it under another girl’s picture.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

Perhaps the most universal American experience is your mom being like, “Wasn’t he such a good dentist? He’s in prison now.”

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

Friends with benefits, but it’s just that they make delicious baked goods.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

People who can’t tell the difference between whole numbers and decimals are missing the point.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

I do not know how to put this gently, but part of being a good driver is using the gas and brake as little as humanly possible.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

Carrying my phone from room to room like a Victorian woman and her lantern.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

I sexually identify as a microwave dinner, because I am ready in 5 minutes, look nothing like my photos, and I’m just satisfying enough for you to want me again when you’re desperate.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,409

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Discord:

I’m not a 10. I’m more like two 5s held together by cheese and chocolate.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

As it turns out, the only way to avoid work stress is not going.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Tested positive for needing a kiss.

Trending via Snapchat:

I’m kind of excited about the apocalypse. I would love to eat a basement full of food.

Going viral on Facebook:

Inventing the Grinch: “Santa needs a Wario!”

Shared recently on WeChat:

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

Going viral on Telegram:

Millennials aren’t having kids because no one’s made lo-fi hip-hop beats to yell at your kids to.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Kids these days don’t know the shame of having to explain yo-yo injuries.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Sex is fine, but have you ever completed every single thing on your to-do list?

Freshly posted on Telegram:

After you’ve been married a long time, you become able to communicate nonverbally. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s why we never speak.

Funny Father’s Day quotes

New funny Father’s Day quotes 👇

It’s exciting to receive a Valentine’s Day card and not know who it’s from. A Father’s Day card, not so much.

2 weeks ago

card, day, excitement, exciting, father’s, Father’s Day, humor, know, much, mystery, relationships, surprises, valentine’s, Valentine’s Day

All funny Father’s Day quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

22 shares on Facebook this month:

Do y’all watch the results come or do you go to bed and wait to see what Democracy Claus left you in the morning?

89 shares on Slack this month:

If I honk at this person, maybe it will make them a better person.

85 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Having a crush on someone as an adult feels like a humiliation ritual.

22 shares on X this month:

Doing dishes is like fighting a hydra — wash one, and two more appear.

77 shares on Reddit this month:

Most guys probably just have a foot fetish because their first girlfriend was a sock.

35 shares on YouTube this month:

The world started without permission again.

42 shares on X this month:

The title of my autobiography is going to be ‘You’d Think I’d Learn By Now, But Nope.’

73 shares on LinkedIn this month:

After careful consideration, I think I’d have way more fun if I was incredibly stupid.

66 shares on YouTube this month:

Experts say that human interaction is important for brain health but I’m willing to risk it.

54 shares on Snapchat this month:

Does my special place in hell have wi-fi?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

I have a date and nothing to wear. Or as Nietzsche said: If you stare into a closet long enough, the closet stares back at you.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

Don’t be alarmed at my semicolon usage; I’m a professional.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Everyone wants a drunk text until I’m doing it at noon.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

Cleaning out your camera roll is like the biggest chore ever.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

I got a raise! On my meds dosage. But still.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

No, don’t worry about him, babe. That’s just my soulmate.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

Life is just a series of Sopranos references with some other things mixed in.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

I hate this time of year because all you guys care about is football, and no one wants to ogle my cleavage anymore.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

Those guys holding fish in their dating profile pictures are just demonstrating how they’ll carry you over the threshold after marriage.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

Working out consistently yields results, but mannnnnnn…… the laundry.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I wouldn’t describe myself as an “adult”, per se. More like a “long child”.

Making waves on Discord:

Nostalgia isn’t as good as it used to be.

Going viral on Slack:

She is so narcissistic that her narcissism has narcissism.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Getting old is not fun. Sometimes I have to check my texts and photos when someone asks me what I did yesterday.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

I hate when a guy asks “can you cook?” Can you build a house?

Seen just now on X:

If I text you at 8:10, you’re supposed to reply at 8:09.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I’ve just filed a restraining order against reality.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I really want a family… sized bag of peanut butter M&Ms.

Just landed via Telegram:

Making a record-breaking number of bad choices today, I’m really proud of myself.

Breaking via Reddit:

The longer you go without something, the more comfortable you become without it. That goes for people, too.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Funny Father’s Day quotes

New funny Father’s Day quotes 👇

It’s exciting to receive a Valentine’s Day card and not know who it’s from. A Father’s Day card, not so much.

All funny Father’s Day quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨