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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

Sunday should be 48 hours instead of 24 hours, I need more time to be ready for Monday.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

That one friend who has a dangerously loose grasp on food safety.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

Apart from “It’s okay”, what other death threats do women use?

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

I love that my dog always comes home from the groomer wearing a bandana. It’s like he was only gone for three hours, but joined a gang in that time.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

I could win awards for having a bad memory. In fact, I probably did. How would I know.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

It’d be nice if my bank account filled up as quickly as my laundry basket.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

If you’re cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and continue to participate in family game night.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

If ever go missing, please only put pictures of me on the news where I look skinny and hot even if that means they won’t find me.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Sometimes I worry that avoiding all human interaction isn’t a real hobby.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

I’m just a Whole Foods girl on a Walmart budget.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2316 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,478

Funny Quotes Topics

15,183

Funny Quotes Images

12,478

Updated

48 minutes ago

Users Online

3,448

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Snapchat:

If you’re not getting spoiled, then spoil yourself.

Live now on YouTube:

Note to self: No more bitching about ugly furniture with people at IKEA whose home you haven’t been to yet.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Nice thing about dating a doctor is if you wanna stop seeing them, you can just eat an apple.

Trending via Slack:

Ever look at someone and think you could spend the rest of your life saying “What?” to this person?

Making waves on Reddit:

I don’t do anything with my life except romanticize and decay with indecision.

Making waves on Twitch:

I wish my wife’s sighs came with subtitles.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Back in the day, you used to have to listen to records backwards to discover conspiracy theories.

Seen just now on X:

The female brain works like the internet. You can delete something, but it’s never really gone.

Trending via Slack:

Processed food was literally designed for you to eat. Organic is just some crap they found on the ground somewhere.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I always say “morning” instead of “good morning”, because if it was a good morning, I’d still be asleep.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2316 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,478

Funny Quotes Topics

15,183

Funny Quotes Images

12,478

Updated

48 minutes ago

Users Online

3,438

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

There are two classes of travel: first class and with children.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

Sorry, I can’t talk right now. The seam of my sock feels weird.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

Blink if you want me!

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

Urgh. Trying to buy a copy of Catch-22 online but the seller won’t post it until I’ve paid and I won’t pay until I’ve received it.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

If you listen to my husband snore, you don’t need Jurassic Park anymore.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

One of my greatest strengths is appearing busy so people don’t try to speak to me.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

If stores want to accurately display clothes for people over 40, the mannequins should be laying on a couch.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

I see 1000 girls. I know 100 girls. I talk to 10 girls. I love 1 girl. And she doesn’t love me back.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

No matter how small you make that “unsubscribe” link, I’ll still find it.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Lawyers should get walk-up songs in court like how wrestlers do.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Threads:

Diet Coke is just a fridge cigarette.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I always make sure the garage door is shut. Wouldn’t want hoodlums stealing the stuff I’ve been meaning to get rid of for years.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Oh, how much I love a Sunday when you don’t have to work the next day.

Making waves on Reddit:

Shazam but for random noises outside.

Breaking via Discord:

Is it possible to die of horniness? Asking for a friend.

Breaking via Pinterest:

In case you wanna quit vaping, I’d suggest using a harmonica.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

“Are you okay?” No, it’s literally Monday every 15 minutes.

Just shared via TikTok:

Maturing is realizing you’re not stable enough to do mushrooms.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Welcome to parenting! The only hobbies you have left are the ones you can do in the bathroom.

Going viral on Snapchat:

My dog pisses on every election sign regardless of political party so I have no idea who he is voting for.

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