188 Funny job quotes

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5 months ago
Share →: Job interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: I would say my biggest weakness is listening.

Commentary:
Job interviewer: "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" 🤔
Me: "I would say my biggest weakness is listening." 😂👂 Sounds like I have plenty of room for personal growth!
5 months ago
Share →: “Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have” is all well and good until you’re rocking a tutu.

Commentary:
"Dress for the job you want, they said. But nobody warned me about the tutu requirement! 🩰 Guess I'm aiming for Principal Ballerina now? 💃 #CareerGoalsGoneWrong"
5 months ago
Share →: You didn’t get fired, your job “fumbled you”.

Commentary:
"When life gives you a 'fumble', just do a touchdown dance on your way out! 🏈💃 Losing a job is just a fancy word for 'forced career change'. 😉 #FumbleNotFired"
5 months ago
Share →: Maybe your dog is barking at my luggage because he doesn’t enjoy his job, officer.

Commentary:
🐶🧳 "Looks like we've got a disgruntled airport security dog on our hands! Maybe he's just trying to tell us he'd rather chase squirrels than sniff out contraband. Who can blame him? Canine career change in progress, Officer! 🤣"
5 months ago
Share →: Dear God, thank you for the job I have. But if you have a lottery win planned for me, I’m ready! Thank you.

Commentary:
"Dear God, thank you for the job, but just in case you're feeling extra generous… I'm here, waiting with open arms and a winning ticket 🙏🎉💸 #InGodWeTrustAndWin"
5 months ago
Share →: “Alcohol and beautiful women” is apparently not an appropriate answer when you are asked about your weaknesses in a job interview.

Commentary:
Well, it seems like "charming honesty" has its limits when it comes to job interviews! 🍸💃 Guess it's time to swap those weaknesses for something a bit more work-appropriate, like saying you're "too detail-oriented" or "overly passionate about excel spreadsheets." Remember, save the fun stuff for the office holiday party! 😉
5 months ago
Share →: Having a job is cool, but everyday? Come on!

Commentary:
"Having a job is like having a favorite song on repeat…except it's the sound of your alarm clock going off every morning! 🎶😴 #MoreWeekendsPlease"
5 months ago
Share →: LinkedIn: where you desperately hope that one idiot you had a drink with six years ago can somehow help get you a job.

Commentary:
Ah, LinkedIn, the virtual networking jungle gym where your once-a-drinking buddy transforms into a potential job fairy godparent 🧚‍♂️🍸. Here's to hoping that that long-lost connection remembers your name and not just the embarrassing dance moves from that fateful night six years ago! 🕺💼 #NetworkingWoes #JobSearchStruggles
5 months ago
Share →: “How is the job search going?” First of all, that is a violent question. And it hurts me, by the way. And second, how the hell should I know.

Commentary:
"Oh, the infamous job search question – a true emotional rollercoaster! 🎢 First of all, asking about it is like poking a sleeping dragon. Second, it's like trying to solve a Rubik's Cube blindfolded! 🤷‍♂️ One simply cannot predict the mysteries of the job hunting universe!"
5 months ago
Share →: I like my job, but if I had the opportunity to become a rich housewife, I would take it.

Commentary:
"Who needs a 9 to 5 when you can have a 24/7 lavish lifestyle, am I right? 💁‍♀️💰 Just imagine trading in your work pants for designer robes and swapping that morning commute for a leisurely spa day at home! #LivingTheDream"