336 funny job quotes - Page 8 - Wordgag

Peter Parker having to juggle a day job with being a superhero feels kinda stupid nowadays. Just launch a Patreon, my man. Throw a PayPal link in that Spider-bio.

May 21, 2026

Quitting my job to pursue my true passion: not having a job.

May 21, 2026

Come on, karma, do your job.

May 21, 2026

When someone asks me what my dream job is, it’s just like “I don’t know dude, I don’t dream about jobs”

May 21, 2026

My boss just left which means I have finished all of my work for the day.

May 21, 2026

Never cry at the weekend. Cry at work, at least then you’ll get paid for it.

May 21, 2026

The unemployed urge to say I love you during a job interview.

May 21, 2026

Anyone who thinks office jobs are harmless has never cut their finger on paper.

May 21, 2026

Every morning when that damn alarm clock goes off, I just feel it so much: A million-dollar inheritance suits me much better than an office job.

May 21, 2026May 21, 2026

Done with work today. The work day isn’t over, I’m just done with it.

May 21, 2026

I did the math and a second job would help me get out of debt as long as I start it twelve years ago.

May 21, 2026

“You don’t load the dishwasher right,” I said to my wife just before it permanently became my job.

May 21, 2026

Relationships: Because sometimes destroying your life is a two person job.

May 20, 2026

I am dressing for the job I want. I want to be a sweatpants model.

May 20, 2026

I should have been a Librarian, my favorite thing to do is telling people to shut up.

May 20, 2026

Job posting: $15/hr for master’s degree. Burrito menu: $23 for bean and cheese burrito.

May 20, 2026

Job applications are so stupid. “What’s your desired salary?” Ten billion dollars. Next question.

May 20, 2026

Does anyone know if there’s a career in being a piece of shit?

May 20, 2026

Still don’t understand how girls with no jobs be holding iPhones.

May 20, 2026

I hate commas. It’s not my job to tell you when you breathe. Work it out, you’re a grown adult.

May 20, 2026

I didn’t know that Rome wasn’t built in a day. I wasn’t on that job.

May 20, 2026

Having a loose stool means two completely different things depending on if you are a nurse or a bartender.

May 20, 2026

I want the job where I push scared skydivers out of planes.

May 20, 2026

I use a headshot from 2008 on my LinkedIn to prepare future employers for disappointment.

May 20, 2026

I need a reasonable job. Something like $3,000 an hour. Nothing too wild.

May 20, 2026

I need a job with a salary that’ll shock me every month.

May 20, 2026

My CV is so good, companies are still reading it for 9 months.

May 20, 2026

Lost my job to AI (my job was to be loudly and confidently incorrect).

May 20, 2026

“Nobody wants to work anymore!” Personally, I have never wanted to work.

May 20, 2026

Every job is either 8 hours of getting exposed to cancer-causing chemicals or 8 hours of staring at a Microsoft Excel sheet.

May 20, 2026

My résumé is really just a list of things I hope I never have to do again.

May 19, 2026

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI take a 30-minute poop right after clocking in.

May 19, 2026

Tired of my landlord depending on my rent. Bro, get a job.

May 19, 2026

Job interviewer: “Where do you see yourself in 5 years’ time?” Me: “My greatest strength is that I’m a good listener.”

May 19, 2026

Had an interview today, and my belly rumbled. The lady goes, “Missed lunch?” I told her, “Nah, I’m hungry for success!”

May 19, 2026

Love when job applications ask for my desired salary so I can choose between not being hired and being exploited for my work.

May 19, 2026

That period between finding out you got a new job and actually starting the new job is one of the best times in life.

May 19, 2026

Can somebody explain to me why it’s bad if immigrants take our jobs, but it’s good if AI does?

May 19, 2026

A little 9-5 with a little fraud on the side is the only way you gone survive in this world.

May 19, 2026

Jobs be asking me for 3 references, and I think I might start doing the same. Like, let me talk to 3 happy employees, please.

May 19, 2026