Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

If my calculator had a history, it would be more embarrassing than my browser history.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

Once I find a dragon, y’all are toast.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Why did they call it an AI-generated picture and not a ‘fauxtograph’?

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

I like to live life dangerously by occasionally sticking my foot out over the edge of the bed at night.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

Panties is such a weird word. Panties. I can’t say it sexy.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

Needs to be a Google Maps setting where you can ask them not to make you take a left across four lanes of oncoming traffic.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

I should’ve gotten my affairs in order before I decided to bite into this hot pepper.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they’re not it.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

I’m liking your IG photo from 8 days ago because IG just showed me today!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,327

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Slack:

There are people on TV who are not ruined by fame, but who ruin fame.

Spotted on Threads:

My guardian angel is taking the longest smoking break in recorded history.

Live now on X:

Not only is Santa not real, there are also no horny singles in your area wanting to meet you.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Someone at work just farted and I panicked and said ‘compliments to the chef’.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Oh, I shouldn’t worry? Why didn’t I think of that?

Broadcasted on X:

ChatGPT is there for me in ways I don’t think any man ever could be.

Shared recently on Slack:

No one my age is single because they’re all unhappily married.

Shared recently on Facebook:

If you don’t have dating allegations with your best friend, you are not bestfriending hard enough.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

My superpower? Staying calm when talking to idiots.

Spotted on Messenger:

If you hide the Easter eggs while you’re drunk, nobody knows where they are.

Funny non-alcoholic quotes

New funny non-alcoholic quotes 👇

All funny non-alcoholic quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars ⭐

97 shares on YouTube this month:

The key to looking amazing is looking like shit most of the time, so it’s more of a surprise.

15 shares on Slack this month:

The only lesson I remember from the pandemic is that you’re only supposed to wash your hands if it’s your birthday.

67 shares on Slack this month:

Being naked with headphones on is so fun.

47 shares on Pinterest this month:

I went for an interview at IKEA. The manager greeted me by saying “come in, make a seat”.

24 shares on Slack this month:

Sometimes a little rudeness to establish that you don’t fancy nonsense is really important.

50 shares on Snapchat this month:

Alexa, take responsibility for my actions.

53 shares on Telegram this month:

If this meeting were any slower, it’d be a landscape painting.

37 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Blocking someone isn’t enough; I need their PornHub videos to always buffer, just as they’re about to climax.

54 shares on YouTube this month:

Went to HR to complain about my coworkers but my mom said she can’t fire my kids.

22 shares on Discord this month:

The neighbor sneezes loudly from the balcony. And because I’m a polite person, I shout loudly: Disgusting!

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Fake laughing with customers is actually a job skill.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Threatening my wife with a tariff every time she makes fun of me.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Pugs look like regular dogs that ran into a door at full speed.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Dear diary, I have to lock in tomorrow, fix everything, and do everything.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Returning to Twitter is like coming back to a dysfunctional family.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite date activity is ice skating because I’m really good at it, and it allows me to assert dominance on the ice.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

My body is like an elastic band – no matter how I stretch it, it goes back to the nap position.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

When I like a woman, I start to gather gifts for her like a squirrel hoarding nuts.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Your woman will take 2 hours to get ready, but if you don’t have your shoes on when she is ready, you’re the problem.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s healthy to be a little insane sometimes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,611

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

Whoever removed the 30th and 31st from February, come get the 14th too.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

I miss the good ol’ days until I remember things like having to get out of my chair and smack the TV to get a clearer picture.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

As a pigeon mother, I would never let my pigeon daughter hang around the station. That’s really no place for a young pigeon lady.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Sorry, the deadline for complaints was yesterday.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

Hosting Thanksgiving? Bring up politics so everyone will leave early.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

I don’t have time for anything that doesn’t set my soul on fire.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

Someone asked, “Can I bum a scroll?” because they deleted Instagram off their phone.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

I see from the back of your car that you have found Jesus, but not your turn signal.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

Every time I blink, it’s Monday again. I can’t live like this.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

Getting married soon. Just need a spouse.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

I wonder if people who spend all their time screaming on the internet know there are way more fun things to do.

Just landed via WeChat:

Losing weight is basically all about being cold 90% of the time.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Just saw a piece of jewelry made in the 80s described as “vintage,” so I’ll be laying down the rest of the day.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I would really like to meet this “other candidate” who keeps taking all the jobs I’ve been applying to.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I don’t want to party like it’s 1999, I want to go grocery shopping like it is.

Just shared via Facebook:

Did we do it, did we save the daylight?

Just landed via Facebook:

If you would just let me help, you’d be in an even worse position than you are now.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I was living in the moment until I was evicted.

Just landed via Telegram:

When I’m behind a slow car, I steer my car a little to the right so the people behind me can see that it isn’t my fault.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Porn looks so funny when you’re not horny.

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