Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

I wish my Fitbit could track all the steps I’ve taken trying to find where I put it.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

You can learn a lot about a person by observing their every waking movement from a tree outside their house.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

By my second “could we change the subject?” I could feel the job interview going south.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

Schedule your appointment early in the month before your dentist starts fretting about their next boat payment.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

The best way to use Twitter will forever be as an observer.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

Sorry, can’t. I took my bra off and threw it across the room an hour ago. There’s no coming back from that.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

A peaceful transition of power happening between me and this cigarette just now.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

Therapists are like, “You don’t owe anyone anything. Except me. You owe me 250 dollars for this session.”

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

I’m the product of too much television and zero supervision.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

My five-year plan only requires a few acts of God.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,982

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

Saying “Who is it?” when the doctor knocks on the exam room door.

Going viral on Snapchat:

People who accuse me of delusions of grandeur, obviously don’t worship me enough.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Golf is a great way to learn all of the new curse words your subconscious has been cooking up in the lab.

Just shared via WeChat:

I don’t have a favorite vampire. If you ask me, they all suck.

Just shared via TikTok:

I don’t have kids or a dog. What can I bring into a bar that will make everyone mad?

Going bananas on YouTube:

One thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m dumb.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Tonight, my poor liver has to pay again for what went wrong during the week.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I’m sorry for the things I said when there were too many noises at the same time.

Spotted on TikTok:

People text “Happy New Year” and go missing for the rest of the year!

Shared recently on TikTok:

As an academic, I sometimes dream about writing fiction instead, and then I remember grant proposals.

Home » Funny Own Quotes » Page 18

172 Funny own quotes

More funny own quotes 👇

Eating watermelon and minding my own business.

0

5 months ago

business, casual, eating, fruit, humor, minding, minding business, own, relaxation, summer, watermelon
Unpopular activity: minding your own business.

0

5 months ago

activity, behavior, business, humor, minding, minding business, own, personal, personal space, sarcasm, social, social behavior, space, unpopular, unpopular activity

For even more funny own quotes, hit next 👇

All funny own quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

43 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“Easy like Sunday morning” is something people with no kids say.

54 shares on Instagram this month:

You can put refrigerator magnets on your car, too. There are no rules.

35 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Pro tip: When you sign up for anything online, put the website’s name as your middle name. Now, when you receive spam, you will know who sold your data.

78 shares on Threads this month:

I’ve learned the best way to find something that I’ve lost is to buy a replacement one, to make the lost one spontaneously appear.

99 shares on Twitch this month:

If I ever look at my phone in the middle of a conversation with you, I’m not reading a text; I’m just looking up the definition of a word I just used a bit too confidently.

68 shares on Messenger this month:

I just want everyone to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.

13 shares on X this month:

Laugh all you want. My Encyclopedia Britannica set will never require WiFi.

79 shares on Discord this month:

I never get as envious of parents as I do when their baby starts crying and they get to leave the event.

99 shares on LinkedIn this month:

BREAKING: OpenAI to partner with OpenAI to help fund OpenAI. OpenAI up 90%.

97 shares on WhatsApp this month:

There should be bloopers at the end of horror films to relax the viewer before sleeping.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

How dare you? I’m literally the sweetest most rage filled person on earth.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

When I hear the word “horror”, the first thing I think of is bills, not Halloween.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

Coffee tastes so much better handed to me.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

Making food: 1 hour. Eating food: 20 seconds. Washing dishes: never ending.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

Is it fall yet? I really can’t suck my stomach in much longer.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

I don’t do “casual.” I’m like an 18th-century vampire. When I fall in love, my devotion is boundless and eternal.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

Ending my thesis paper with “but who cares what I think?”

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

I’m gonna dress how I want this summer, and if you think I’m fat, well, so do I.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

I’m off to club bed, featuring DJ Pillow and MC Blanky.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

I’m going to die from jealousy one day.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Messenger:

I lost my composure in 1992. I haven’t seen it since.

Shared recently on Instagram:

When someone yells stop I don’t know whether it’s in the name of love, it’s Hammer time, or I should smell the flowers.

Just shared via Slack:

The real threat to Democracy is the Bureaucracy.

Just shared via Slack:

I like to scan my backyard every hour with a high power flashlight to let my neighbors know I won’t tolerate any weirdness around here.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Girls on their period: stay away from me; I need you.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

If it’s a ghost ship, why does it have to be on water?

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Some should judge a little less and look at their lives a little more.

Shared recently on TikTok:

My favorite emails are the ones that say your order has shipped.

Spotted on Messenger:

Accidentally made eye contact with the sweets at the grocery store and now have to declare bankruptcy.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Marriage! Because your shitty day doesn’t have to end at work.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

172 Funny own quotes

More funny own quotes 👇

Eating watermelon and minding my own business.

Unpopular activity: minding your own business.

All funny own quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨