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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

That moment when you clean the apartment and a year later everything is dirty again.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

People pass a joint around like it’s no big deal, but the minute I ask someone to do that with their Subway sandwich, I’m a weirdo.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

If you keep your AC any higher than 75, please don’t invite me to your terrarium, you lizard.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

“Hope you’re enjoying the sunshine!” No, I’m at a desk reading your email.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck got engaged, broke up, married other people, had children, reunited, got married, broke up again, and I’ve been single that whole time.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

It’s only 9am and I’ve already ruined my son’s entire life by giving him the banana with the brown spot on it.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

I thought I needed a drink. Turns out what I really needed was a divorce.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Parenting just means you have to pretend you like to eat fruits and vegetables in front of your kids, knowing you’d rather eat a cheeseburger instead.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

They should have a special lane for texting and driving.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

I think the most financially irresponsible thing I’ve done is get my kids to like sushi.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

807 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,969

Funny Quotes Topics

13,933

Funny Quotes Images

10,969

Updated

42 minutes ago

Users Online

3,446

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Snapchat:

If you apply enough sunscreen, the rain simply rolls off.

Just shared via Twitch:

Shout out to all the experts on the web who know everything there is to know about absolutely everything.

Reported on X:

They should combine the running of the bulls with Tour de France next year.

Making waves on Twitch:

Everybody in the world, stop fighting or no dessert.

Just landed via Slack:

I’m writing a parenting book called ‘Kids won’t listen until you scream like your mother did’.

Spotted on Reddit:

A big shout-out to all the beekeepers. Our unstung heroes.

Reported on Messenger:

I remember owning a mobile device as a kid, it was called my bike.

Spotted on Snapchat:

If you’re tired of “food” and want to try something a bit more sophisticated, may I recommend “cuisine”?

Making waves on WeChat:

To save money in this economy, I’ve tried eating out and I’ve tried cooking at home. The answer is starvation.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Hey, you should start your own business and then mind it.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

807 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,969

Funny Quotes Topics

13,933

Funny Quotes Images

10,969

Updated

42 minutes ago

Users Online

3,447

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

I went for an interview at IKEA. The manager greeted me by saying “come in, make a seat”.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

Have you ever met someone and thought that you couldn’t wait to spend the rest of your life without them?

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

How many times does one have to open the fridge door before cake appears inside?

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

Can I get back all those naps I refused to take as a kid? I could really use them now.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

AI is trained on what we write, so if we want to save our jobs we should all write really badly for a while. I’ve been doing my bit for years.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

What pushes you to watch 19 seasons of people in a hospital?

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

When I’m done eating… I have to show my hands to my cat, like I’m a blackjack dealer.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Every family needs a delusional daughter who is ambitious about relieving all her family’s struggles solely by winning the lottery one day.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

Not to brag, but I skipped my mid-life crisis and went straight to cranky old man.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

Gaslighting myself into thinking I’m in a good mood.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

The rainforest cafe won’t be authentic enough for me if they don’t bulldoze 40% of the restaurant while I’m there.

Making waves on Telegram:

Hello bedtime my old friend, my brain is laughing once again.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Anyone else think it’s weird how cancer kills more people than any other astrological sign.

Reported on Telegram:

Imagine how scary sharks would be if they wore necklaces made out of our teeth.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I was actually about to do a workout when the couch threw itself protectively under me.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I need a six-month vacation twice a year.

Making waves on Facebook:

Drinking through a straw is the opposite of snorkeling.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Restaurant toilets are dangerous! So many of my dates have gone to use them and vanished.

Just landed via Instagram:

Teens don’t know how good they have it with lyrics sites. We used to have to sing shit wrong for years until the truth destroyed us.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Whoever thinks money doesn’t buy happiness can deposit it in my bank account.

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