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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

He probably could have just called himself “Andre.” I think I would have figured out The Giant part on my own.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

The only thing stopping cheesecake from being a breakfast food is you.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

There are approximately 1,010,300 words in the English language, but I could never string enough words together to properly express how much I want to hit you with a chair.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 40s: you get tired from sleeping now.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

I wonder what the part of my brain that used to store people’s phone numbers is doing now.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

If David Bowie taught us anything, it’s that being a little weird is better than being forgettable.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

It is not without reason that all telescopes searching for intelligent life are pointed away from Earth.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

I finally have glasses, which is great because I needed one more thing to frantically search for every morning.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

Remember, when a package says “sharing size”, that’s just a guideline. They have no enforcement mechanism.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

We can’t both age regress at the same time — someone’s gonna have to push me on the swingset.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,281

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

I didn’t lose a girlfriend, I gained an enemy.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Terrible things can happen if you go camping. For starters, you could want to go camping again.

Just shared via Discord:

I got one brain cell left and it moves around my head like a Windows screensaver.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Sex is great, but have you ever started slowly picking up speed after sitting in a traffic jam?

Seen just now on X:

I’m not procrastinating. I’m protecting my peace through active avoidance.

Spotted on Messenger:

So I just checked my bank account, and it looks like for Christmas I am getting everyone the thought that counts.

Trending via Reddit:

You’re in his DMs, I’m outside his window with a JBL speaker streaming Taylor Swift.

Shared recently on Telegram:

How I flirt? I look at an attractive person several times and hope that they are bolder than me.

Just shared via Facebook:

It seems a little unfair that the people who want to go to bed have to put the people to bed who don’t want to go to bed.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

JFK is the perfect name for this airport because it’s a bloody headache.

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The best way to reach me is with intelligence and humor.

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15 shares on Pinterest this month:

I tell people I rearrange my furniture to change things up, but we all know it’s to annoy my husband.

12 shares on Slack this month:

If you’ve never been hit with gay allegations, you’re not fly enough.

38 shares on Facebook this month:

Everyone loves a little silent treatment on the weekend.

15 shares on Instagram this month:

Passive income? Brothers, I need massive income.

93 shares on TikTok this month:

Back in the day, you used to have to listen to records backwards to discover conspiracy theories.

72 shares on WeChat this month:

A McRib killed my tapeworm.

53 shares on Messenger this month:

Santa baby, slip some mental stability under the tree, for me.

89 shares on YouTube this month:

Kinda rude that your reward for struggling through stuff is still dying at the end anyway.

80 shares on Threads this month:

Can’t, trying to piece together today’s news from social media posts.

77 shares on Pinterest this month:

They should invent a day where I feel normal.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

Just drafted the drunk text I’m going to send after one drink this weekend.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

Going to ragebait men by asking, “Do you ever wish you were tall?”

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

If you don’t have at least one white friend named “Matt”, then you are Matt.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

If you wave your keys in front of a giant house, people will think you own it.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

Sorry, babe, can’t right now. The group chat is active, and I’m trying to get my joke in before they change topics.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

The early bird gets to cry for a little bit longer in the work parking lot.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

I successfully avoided the red-eye flight and got the much milder pink eye flight.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

To be clear, when I said I was looking for “growth,” I meant in salary, not in workload and stress levels.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

Don’t play with the feelings I barely have.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

I love being a pretty woman because it widens the threshold for cringe-worthy things I can say.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Aliens traveled millions of light years to get here to visit New Jersey.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

If the only person you’re competing with is yourself, how could you lose?

Just landed via Instagram:

She was rare. Like a meth head with good teeth.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Many years ago, I stood up to 100-200 million others only to sit in meetings now.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Biblical loophole: It’s not premarital sex if you never intend to get married.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Flies are literally obsessed with flying into a room, then pretending they can’t get out. Grow up.

Going viral on Facebook:

I wish people knew how good I can sing when I’m alone in my car and in my shower.

Making waves on WeChat:

I just want to be treated like a hot little French fry.

Going viral on Threads:

Plot twist: weed is addicted to me.

Just landed via YouTube:

Stop worrying if people like you. They don’t.

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New funny reach me quotes 👇

The best way to reach me is with intelligence and humor.

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