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Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

When I bark at a dog, I always worry that I might have inadvertently said something wrong.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

Is 27 a good age to leave everything you know and love, and start over?

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

I don’t always have time to fold laundry, but when I do, I don’t.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

The older I get, the more I walk like Charlie Chaplin.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

Never underestimate the healing power of having your bed to yourself.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

Saturdays are for doing absolutely everything or doing absolutely nothing, everybody knows that.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

If a baby comes out feet first, technically it wears its mom as a hat.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

Life hack: put on an apron at home and people think you’re super busy doing important stuff even when you’re not.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

If I were in charge of Nike, I’d change the slogan to “Just Say You Did It. Nobody Ever Checks.”

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m pretending to be a hot girl on Tinder so I can match with my roommate and tell him I’m coming over, so he’ll clean the apartment.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

Funny Quotes Images

15,094

Updated

Dec 22, 2025

Users Online

3,910

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via X:

Yes, I sometimes put my cell phone down. Especially when it rings.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

There’s just one legitimate synonym for Friday: boom shakalaka.

Trending via Twitch:

The food hits different when it ain’t yours.

Going viral on Facebook:

I got called “pretty” today! Well, the full sentence was “You’re pretty annoying,” but I only focus on the positive things.

Making waves on Telegram:

The most dangerous part of your 50s is those first few steps after prolonged sitting.

Trending via TikTok:

I think the bowl of ice cream I ate earlier gave me a stomach ache, so I ate a another bowl to make sure.

Trending via Telegram:

Don’t blame a clown for acting like a clown. Ask yourself why you keep going to the circus.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Most men don’t actually want to do things; they just want to talk about doing them.

Making waves on X:

No, baby, I’m not dumping you. I’m just rebranding myself as your ex.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Kids today have it much easier. When I was growing up and something bad happened, we had to go outside and spread our misinformation in person.

Home » Funny Retiree Quotes

Funny retiree quotes

New funny retiree quotes 👇

As a retiree, I have two pairs of pajamas. Bedtime and daytime. Sometimes I get them confused.

0

1 month ago

bedtime, confused, confusion, daytime, humor, i, leisure, lifestyle, pajamas, retiree, sometimes

All funny retiree quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Social Media Stars ⭐

32 shares on Reddit this month:

Just because talking is for you doesn’t mean that starting a podcast is.

83 shares on Telegram this month:

They should invent a weekend that goes by slowly.

73 shares on Threads this month:

Seems like it would be really tough being a girl named Molly at a rave.

53 shares on Reddit this month:

Intro to salsa class was weird, I starved myself all day, there was no chips or dips and then these weirdos were all grabby and dancing around.

74 shares on TikTok this month:

Irregardless, for all intensive purposes, I could care less.

62 shares on TikTok this month:

I want to be the kind of person who eats half a grapefruit for breakfast and runs every morning, but I also want to be happy.

75 shares on Threads this month:

Even on the coldest of days, there’s such peace found in the warm embrace of a hot pizza.

54 shares on Slack this month:

School reunion is a scam… nobody is missing anyone, they just want to know whether you have made it in life or not.

85 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m a good listener. If you’re interesting.

48 shares on Discord this month:

Dating outside of your education bracket leads to misunderstandings and arguments.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

We should all go into advertising and fix what’s going on with commercials. They need our help.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

I tried a onesome before, but I started catching feelings.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

Even if you like anime, you gotta still wear deodorant, man.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

On the next episode of Hoarders, they visit my subconscious.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Imagine marrying an old man for money and you die first.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

Diet hack: Spend your money filling up your gas tank so you won’t have money for groceries.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

My Facebook friends are like my pen collection. I have 100 but only one writes.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

Whoever’s praying on my downfall, I appreciate you thinking of me.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

Ironically people who are good at giving advice find it difficult to follow their own.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

So glad that the dream I had of you isn’t affecting me at all, and I’m able to go on with my day without thinking of it.

Spotted on Slack:

If you’re a mad scientist, put a note in your laboratory reminding you to sometimes be a happy scientist.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I had the most impatient and rudest cashier. I’m never using self-checkout again.

Spotted on Telegram:

Two of the best things in life are laughing and orgasms. I want to make you do both a lot.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Yes, I do talk to myself, everyone else just wants to argue with me.

Seen just now on Slack:

Damn girl, are you a plate of microwaved leftovers? Because you’re hot on the outside and cold on the inside.

Spotted on X:

My patience is like a gift card, not sure how much is left but lets give it a try.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I really admire the suns ability to be exactly where my car’s visor can’t block it out.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I remember sex. That was cool.

Just landed via Facebook:

The man who invented the Ferris wheel never met the man who invented the merry-go-round. They traveled in different circles.

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Funny retiree quotes

New funny retiree quotes 👇

As a retiree, I have two pairs of pajamas. Bedtime and daytime. Sometimes I get them confused.

All funny retiree quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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