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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

I pray this boy wins in life. I wanna see him on top of me.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Offering friendship as a consolation prize for a failed romantic connection attempt is absolutely cruel.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

The 70s, 80s, and 90s were the best decades – so many memories, no evidence.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Fruit and vegetables expire faster when you’re the one paying for them.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

Missionary, so I can look him in the eyes and ask him why Ashley from work is texting him with heart eyes.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

There will always be miserable people inviting you to their misery.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

A person’s character can be read quite reliably from the way he or she interacts with service personnel.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Don’t forget to make everything about you today.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

All my life choices led me to this post right here, and if that’s not an indictment of free will, I don’t know what is.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,580

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Discord:

Downloading the Titanic soundtrack. It’s syncing right now.

Making waves on Reddit:

Sometimes I sneeze so loud and hard I think I’m a dad.

Spotted on Reddit:

I’m so broke, I owe myself money.

Live now on Messenger:

I have read that there are imaginary pregnancies. The belly gets bigger and bigger, but there is no baby inside. Finally a diagnosis.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I love how my brain is like, “We’re not going to think about that,” and then thinks about only that.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Told my girlfriend that Mum is deaf, so speak loud and slow. Also told Mum that my girlfriend has special needs.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

This quote is invisible. Only people who masturbate a lot can read it.

Trending via Reddit:

It is a shame that nothing is built in America anymore. I just bought a TV that said: “Built in Antenna”. I don’t even know where that is.

Trending via Telegram:

People be like “bear with me” and they don’t even have a bear with them.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Socks try to be monogamous, but most end up either single or having multiple different partners.

Funny stand-up comedian quotes

New funny stand-up comedian quotes 👇

🚀 Went viral in Sydney

I wanna meet the person whose parents are super disappointed he went to medical school instead of becoming a stand-up comedian.

0

2 months ago

career, career choice, choice, comedian, disappointment, humor, i, medical, medical school, meet, parents, person, school, stand-up, stand-up comedian, super

Someone from 🇺🇦 has recently copied this quote.

84 shares on Snapchat this month.

All funny stand-up comedian quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

26 shares on Twitch this month:

If I had a tiny girlfriend, I would love to throw her across gaps so she can pull levers and open doors that get me to her part of the level.

74 shares on TikTok this month:

Cooking with glasses on is so humiliating. Why did I just get blinded by steam?

14 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Not being able to teleport is a huge inconvenience for me.

71 shares on WeChat this month:

If I found E.T., I would’ve developed his jump shot.

61 shares on Twitch this month:

Every morning, the cat watches me make coffee and asks if we can go sit out on the balcony to watch the birds, and every morning I say, yes, of course, let’s.

73 shares on TikTok this month:

Men only have money the first month of dating, that’s recruitment budget, never confuse it with operational budget.

13 shares on Messenger this month:

Self-care is smoking a solo blunt with music.

19 shares on Twitch this month:

“People you may know” and it’s someone I would set on fire.

14 shares on TikTok this month:

You ever feel awkward in Target, cause you know you belong at Walmart.

52 shares on Discord this month:

Wondering when these skinny jeans are gonna kick in.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Waitress: “Do you have any questions about the menu?” Me: “What kind of font is this?

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

Why does the phone ring longer when you’re ignoring the call?

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

I will die on this hill or any hill really. I have no hill preference.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

Kanye is pretty mean for someone with ‘yay’ in their name.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

When I’m drafting a legal document, I’ll sprinkle the word “herein” all over that thing like it’s paprika.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

The problem is I am always the problem.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

I’m old enough to remember when rainbows were in black and white.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

My husband is looking for the remote control. I need everyone to stand up for a minute.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you are holding the taser wrong.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

I would never put up a lost dog poster. I’m not letting the whole neighborhood know I fumbled.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

First date idea: you rescue me out of the tree I got stuck in while looking through your windows.

Just shared via Instagram:

Saying “Hmmmm” when my boss walks in so he knows I’m thinking about stuff.

Trending via Facebook:

You ever meet an all-male friend group that is less a group of friends than it is “one guy and his henchmen”?

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Breaking News: No matter how close you are with your colleagues, never discuss your personal matters at work. Neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Just landed via Facebook:

Signed an Executive Order that you have to give me a little forehead kiss.

Trending via Messenger:

Stop roasting yourself, you’re not a marshmallow.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

At my age, “getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what you came in there for.

Just landed via WeChat:

I’m bored, but not “read a book for fun” bored.

Going viral on Facebook:

I heard God is testing both of us at the same time. Wanna hang out?

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Every night at bedtime I do one small ritual: six hours on my cell phone.

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Activity Log ✨

Funny stand-up comedian quotes

New funny stand-up comedian quotes 👇

I wanna meet the person whose parents are super disappointed he went to medical school instead of becoming a stand-up comedian.

All funny stand-up comedian quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨