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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

If you talk about astrology, and no one stops you, it means you must be incredibly pretty.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

Bob is my nickname. Robert is my nicholasname.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

I’ll see you in your nightmares.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

It’s been a pleasure miscommunicating with you.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

The masculine urge to make a woman sit through a YouTube video that she will not find funny or entertaining.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

Mind if I crawl into your DMs and stay there for a while?

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

An alcoholic morning show host becoming Secretary of War is some Kurt Vonnegut shit.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

My personal brand is being the guest at a wedding who can’t dance but puts in a noticeable effort.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

I got so lost there for a minute (several years).

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,463

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Threads:

Shout-out to my embarrassingly squeaky ass bed frame that makes me sound more popular than I actually am to my neighbors.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Ain’t no way there’s billions of us and nobody got superpowers.

Just shared via Messenger:

Refusing to make eye contact with anyone while I eat my banana.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

At this point, if a clown invited me into the woods, I would just go.

Spotted on WeChat:

If a woman says “Do what you want!”, then for God’s sake don’t do what you want!

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

The question is, what will kill humanity this century? Artificial intelligence or natural stupidity?

Shared recently on X:

A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.

Seen just now on Twitch:

As a child, I had the impression that I would be offered free drugs by strangers much more frequently than the 0 times it’s happened.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

And then there are people who can only sleep on their back because their pea brain could slip out of their ear if they lie on their side.

Funny stand-up comedian quotes

New funny stand-up comedian quotes 👇

I wanna meet the person whose parents are super disappointed he went to medical school instead of becoming a stand-up comedian.

3 weeks ago

career, career choice, choice, comedian, disappointment, humor, i, medical, medical school, meet, parents, person, school, stand-up, stand-up comedian, super

All funny stand-up comedian quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on Threads this month:

You can tell it’s desperate times the way spam messages have gone from fantasies like ‘I am a prince and I want to give you money’ to ‘I am an HR manager and I have a real job for you!’

63 shares on Telegram this month:

Sorry for being late, I was enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.

42 shares on Messenger this month:

Life is what happens in between trips to the fridge.

25 shares on Instagram this month:

I don’t just hold a grudge; I love it, pet it, feed it and take it for long walks on the beach.

13 shares on Reddit this month:

Summer body? Folks, I’m cosplaying as a potato that’s seen some things.

14 shares on Facebook this month:

The best part about Smarties is pouring them into an empty prescription bottle and shaking them all into my mouth while waiting in line.

75 shares on Snapchat this month:

A bird just flew into our glass door. Іt’s not dead. Just really embarrassed.

82 shares on Instagram this month:

Dear men, my ‘biological clock’ isn’t my weakness. It’s your final deadline to prove you’re worthy.

55 shares on Messenger this month:

I hate when I gain 10 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.

93 shares on Twitch this month:

Have an early flight tomorrow, so naturally I’m going to stay up late tonight and be weird in my room.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

Girls take a picture of their legs in a bubble bath and say “guess where I am”. The library?

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

Mornings would be fine if they started later.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

Guys have good pics on their dating profiles because their ex took them.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

Some people change their faces like traffic lights change their lights.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

Gordon Ramsay is making us dinner. It’s a four curse meal.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

Cleaning the rocks of the earth one load of my kids’ laundry at a time.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

Bartenders be like “here’s that receipt, I’ll go ahead and put it on the wettest part of the bar”.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

I have decided to purchase the grocery store because it is now cheaper than the groceries inside it.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

Taylor Swift should write a song about people who don’t return their shopping carts to the corrals.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

Unfortunately for the haters, I will continue to keep being me.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

If it’s one thing we’ve learned hiking, it’s the early bird that gets the face full of spiderwebs.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I have information that will lead to where your hug is at.

Going bananas on Discord:

My patience is like a gift card, not sure how much is left but lets give it a try.

Going viral on Instagram:

I let my girl wear whatever because you’re staring, and I’m hittin’ that.

Shared recently on Threads:

80s movies: Let’s go to the future! Today: Let’s go back to the 80s!

Trending via Facebook:

I’m not saving daylight. I’m the one that needs saving.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Me: trying to rest. Earthquake: Let’s make that a no.

Spotted on YouTube:

People who ask “Can I call you” are so sweet. Like, obviously you cannot, but so sweet.

Making waves on Facebook:

I’m tired of things costing money.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I don’t want to adult anymore. Don’t even want to be human. I want to be a goat. Jump around randomly, eat what I want, and head-butt anyone who annoys me.

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Funny stand-up comedian quotes

New funny stand-up comedian quotes 👇

I wanna meet the person whose parents are super disappointed he went to medical school instead of becoming a stand-up comedian.

All funny stand-up comedian quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨