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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

Perks of dating me: you will be the hot one.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

Life is pretty much just a series of awkward and embarrassing moments, separated by snacks.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

There are days when trying to control your class is like trying to hug a tornado.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

In America we have marijuana. In France they have oui’d.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

When I was a kid, I had to walk to Netflix.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

I’ve never seen anything sadder than me in a black cape under the salon lights with wet hair parted incorrectly by a solid inch.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

Women’s fall fashion is basically coming up with ways to wear a blanket without it looking like you’re wearing a blanket.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

All of humanities problems could be solved with a large meteor.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Ending my thesis paper with “but who cares what I think?”

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

Marriage is where you gasp while your husband is driving, and he gets super annoyed over and over.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,543

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on YouTube:

Situation monitoring is not for the uncaffeinated.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

It’s kinda weird that in order to go to sleep you have to pretend like you are already sleeping.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Jealous that my phone can just die for a little while.

Just shared via Reddit:

When the client says: “make it pop”, I have to ask myself whether he means my mind or the project.

Spotted on Threads:

I’m not just a pretty face, I’m also a massive disappointment to my family.

Making waves on TikTok:

Unless I say otherwise, I am always tired.

Making waves on Threads:

I bet oiling and wrapping potatoes in aluminum foil feels so good for the potato.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Nobody talks about the privilege of having a friend who shows interest in your hyperfixations.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Donuts have holes in them, just like acoustic guitars, but that’s pretty much where the similarities end.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

If onion powder is dehydrated onions blitzed into powder, how much onion powder would I need to consume to have eaten a whole onion?

Funny tidy-up quotes

New funny tidy-up quotes 👇

The pointless tidy-up before a play date.

3 days ago

before, chores, date, humor, parenting, play, play date, pointless, tidy-up

All funny tidy-up quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

15 shares on Instagram this month:

Opening up to a woman is like talking to the police, anything you say can and will be used against you.

75 shares on Telegram this month:

Drinking coffee because hitting people over the head with a shovel is frowned upon.

21 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Let’s build a fort with blankets and pillows, and just stay in it all day.

57 shares on Pinterest this month:

Why is it called Christian community and not Holyfans?

33 shares on Reddit this month:

I need a vacation, but the kind where everyone else leaves, and I have my house to myself for a few days.

13 shares on Pinterest this month:

Hate when I get halfway there and have to go back for my teeth.

43 shares on TikTok this month:

Nothing tops a plain pizza.

80 shares on LinkedIn this month:

At some point in life, you graduate from Family Guy to American Dad.

86 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Just once I’d like my dog to give me a treat.

94 shares on Threads this month:

The me who snips coupons needs to communicate better with the me who walks into the stores.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

When I was a kid, we weren’t allowed to use our phones in school. Mainly because the cords wouldn’t reach.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

My apologies to your congregation. I totally misunderstood when you asked for missionary volunteers.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Another beautiful day without using sin, tan and cos.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

I get it, sauce, I also thicken over time.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

I’m not a very good poker player cause my eyes turn into big dollar signs when I see that I have a good hand.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

Losing and then immediately gaining weight is my superpower.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

Girls be like, “I hate this man,” then have sex with him.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

Shoutout to myself for ruining my own life.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

Men be like, “That’s my dream girl,” then ruin her perspective of love forever.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Rescuing a cute dog and teaching it how to drive me home from the pub.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Instagram:

Science has enough bodies, I’m donating mine to English lit just to spice things up a bit.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I don’t have a new year resolution, you don’t need that when you’re perfect.

Just shared via Discord:

If you’re thinking of becoming a parent, just imagine working 6,570 days straight without a day off.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Due to inflation, alien abduction no longer comes with free probes. Humans are required to bring their own probes or may purchase a probe on board the spacecraft for a moderate fee.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Why does the weekend always feel like it lasts five minutes?

Just landed via Threads:

I need carpenters to remember that beds are also for sex. The aesthetics are great and all, but what is with all the squeaking?

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Don’t throw hate at me, throw money!

Making waves on WeChat:

If there’s ever an alien invasion, I hope it doesn’t start while I’m asleep. I hate being woken up before my alarm.

Spotted on Twitch:

My hobbies include using the TV as background noise while I scroll on my phone.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Ah, the magical land of Monday—the gift that keeps not giving!

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Funny tidy-up quotes

New funny tidy-up quotes 👇

The pointless tidy-up before a play date.

All funny tidy-up quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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