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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Can we not just call it Zealand now?

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

Flirting with submissives is actually really easy. All you gotta do is send a gif of a small animal and say, ‘This is so you.’

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

She never lets ideas interrupt the easy flow of her conversation.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

I’m confused how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Mind if I crawl into your DMs and stay there for a while?

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

Imagine hating on me and I’m just sitting there in the corner, in the spotlight, losing my religion.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

If a portal opened up in front of me, I’d go in—no questions asked.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

I prayed and accidentally mixed up God and Lord and said Gord. So embarrassing.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

I think probably the reason some people look better at 30 than at 20 is because they’re wealthier.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

Do you remember when you looked through binoculars upside down and everyone was really far away? That was nice.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,362

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

Today, I used a wire I’ve kept in my box of cables since 2011. Please applaud.

Breaking via TikTok:

I’m sick of getting woken up at 6am by the bin men. I just want a nice sleep but they always insist that I get out of the bin before they collect it.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Everything is a sign from God if you’re schizophrenic enough.

Broadcasted on Threads:

All my small talk is done with a car horn.

Breaking via Discord:

Apologies for the delays. The suitcase smashing machine has broken down, so we’re having to smash suitcases by hand.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Extroverts love our energy. That’s why they suck it out of us.

Going viral on Facebook:

Thanksgiving ain’t been the same ever since my uncle pulled that gun out on everybody.

Going bananas on Twitch:

You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework? Vodka!

Making waves on Slack:

The older I get, the easier it is for me to look at a situation and say: “Yeahhh, I’m out.”

Going viral on Discord:

Ok, hear me out: a reality show where billionaire CEOs have to live off of their lowest-paid employees’ salaries for a month.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

27 shares on TikTok this month:

I set up a Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

75 shares on Slack this month:

No, I’m not depressed. I’m sure there’s just something wrong with the planets or stars or something.

38 shares on Twitch this month:

One of the most disappointing things is when you get a severe thunderstorm warning, and there is no severe thunderstorm.

25 shares on Facebook this month:

Never quit, unless it’s too hard.

11 shares on Twitch this month:

Blocking anyone who tries to motivate me.

29 shares on Instagram this month:

I’ve been alive my whole life, and not once have I seen a commercial for Chinese food.

53 shares on Slack this month:

Your honor, if it pleases the court, I brought homemade brownies for everyone.

80 shares on TikTok this month:

Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve always known I wanted to be a woman with a lot of money when I grew up.

71 shares on TikTok this month:

My five-year plan is to get back my whimsy, joy, childlike wonder.

73 shares on Telegram this month:

“Fox Mulder” is an aggressively sexy name.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

People are too judgmental these days… I can tell just by looking at them.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

We got the Christmas tree yesterday, and now my wife knows that I was the chief architect working on the leaning tower of Pisa.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Women in movies look so beautiful when they sleep. Meanwhile, I’m tossing and turning all night like a forgotten 7-Eleven hot dog.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Watching “Dirty Dancing” as a teenager: Damn right, no one puts Baby in a corner. Watching “Dirty Dancing” as an adult: This girl is a brat and needs a lesson.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I disagree with everyone and think relationships should be easy.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

“Follow your heart,” as advice, is sort of like “abandon yourself to cognitive bias.”

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Insurance is cool because even if you have it, it still kinda feels like you don’t.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Main difference between me and my jokes is that folks don’t laugh at my jokes.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Remember when the most annoying thing about Twitter was trying to think of a shorter word.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

You ask a girl if she ate, and she gon say, “Yeah, I had my coffee.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,687

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

Mama didn’t raise no fool, I turned into one all on my own.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

I love rap beefs, it’s so romantic when two guys sing songs to each other.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

Airport beer at 6 a.m.? No problem. The airport is a lawless place that is free from judgment.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

They should invent a day where you aren’t tired.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

Nothing messes up your Friday like realizing it’s only Thursday.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

Adding “Free HBO” to your dating profile isn’t the game changer you’d think it’d be.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Not to brag, but my wife just described the dinner I made as “interesting.”

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

Cannabis has many benefits. For example, it makes you retarded. But in addition, it also makes you lazy. No worries though, it also makes you fat and insane.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Just came back from my walk, and I was right about everything.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

It’s never too early to start making bad decisions.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Discord:

Don’t fall for me — I’ll treat you right, and you’ll get bored and cheat.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Being single past 30 is like playing hide and seek, except no one is looking for you.

Live now on Telegram:

Me: trying to rest. Earthquake: Let’s make that a no.

Going bananas on X:

Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say: “Close Enough.”

Just shared via X:

Adulting is difficult. One minute you’re proud of yourself, the next minute you feel like you’re not doing enough.

Shared recently on X:

Why can’t I explore the dentist’s mouth too?

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Genuinely nothing worse than going bowling with people who are actually good. Like, why are you doing all that?

Shared recently on Messenger:

Roses are red, I’m staying in bed. I’ve made no plans, besides pretending I’m dead.

Just shared via Messenger:

When animals lead you to a place, it’s so cute… like, yes, I’m still following. Thank you for constantly turning around to make sure.

Just shared via Telegram:

Apple’s secret growth engine: vibe coders paying the $99 Apple Developer Program fee.

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