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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

I know I’m almost 40 because I had a few drinks last night and woke up this morning thinking: Oh no I bought so many socks online last night.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m on that new diet where you eat anything you want and you pray for a miracle.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

Girl math is crying for two hours and then realizing it wasn’t that deep.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Not eating the cookie I’m craving. I better wake up skinny tomorrow.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

Worst fears: 1. being infertile 2. being pregnant.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

I’m so single, I have no one to drunk text.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

They should invent health insurance that insures your health.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Today I was in a taxi, and the taxi driver said, “I love my job. I am my own boss, nobody tells me what to do!” Then I said, “Turn left.”

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

I’ve decided that my 20s are actually from 25 – 35.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,637

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

The name Ella is short for Mozzarella.

Live now on TikTok:

Might put on a bikini and run through your DMs.

Just shared via Discord:

My swear jar is having a very profitable week.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Gwyneth Paltrow, I received the message you sent me last night in my dream and will proceed with the plan.

Spotted on YouTube:

My southern family thinks my daily routine in NYC is that I wake up, try really hard not to get stabbed by a knife, and then I go see a musical.

Breaking via Telegram:

After an hour on this team meeting I’m not wanting to be a team player anymore.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Whoever said “out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear inside their tent.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I don’t like being asked “are you at home?” Please expand further so I can know whether I’m at home or not.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

It actually is crazy how many people I know would benefit from being visited by three ghosts.

Making waves on X:

Pornhub should do a wrap-up of your year like Spotify does.

Funny unconventional tools quotes

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All funny unconventional tools quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on Twitch this month:

Just a reminder that with Die Hard, Robin Hood and Love Actually, ‘Alan Rickman ruins Christmas’ is a whole movie subgenre.

80 shares on Slack this month:

The sluttiest thing a man can do is have an ethical dilemma over his lust for you.

52 shares on Threads this month:

Why would I want a memory pillow? Sleep is where I go to forget.

21 shares on Telegram this month:

Coffee ain’t cutting it anymore. I need to eat batteries.

100 shares on Discord this month:

You look like the kind of person whose recorded calls have been used for training purposes.

92 shares on Twitch this month:

Just stay single, y’all… I’m here apologizing for taking a nap.

47 shares on YouTube this month:

Getting drunk was invented by Big Text to make you send more texts.

58 shares on X this month:

An email so annoying, you wanna return the computer to the store.

19 shares on Slack this month:

Dear God, make me a bird so I can fly. Fly far, far away and also so I can poop on people.

21 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I get so crabby when strangers waste my time which is unfair to them because I waste almost all of my own time to begin with.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

At 30+, I’m like an old phone battery. Even when you charge me overnight for 10 hours, by midday I’m at 60%.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Croutons feel like an apology. “Sorry we gave you salad. Have some consolation toast.”

8 folks are currently checking 👀

The first person to realize you can eat bone marrow must have really hated that cow.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Considering that doctors are never on time, they should tell you to come a half hour late, not early.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t need to grow a thick skin. The world needs to grow fewer thorns.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

The most surprising part of adulthood is parenting your parents.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

All dogs are therapy dogs. The majority are just freelancing.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I could have been the favorite mistress of the Sun King at Versailles, but nooooooooo I had to be born into late stage capitalism.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

If you like water, you already like 72% of me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,283

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

Sorry to interrupt your scrolling, but I hope life gets better for you.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

I put the “pro” in procrastinate.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

There are many people who don’t like me and I am one of them.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

People just don’t build cities on rock and roll anymore.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Update on my fitness journey: My wife just handed me a bag of apples at the market and said, “careful, it’s heavy.”

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Everyone deserves a day to lie in bed naked and be anti-social. Just sayin’.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

I drive safer when there’s food in my passenger’s seat than when there’s a person sitting there.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Trying to decide what to burn for dinner, so I can order pizza.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

The most realistic scene in Star Wars was when Darth Vader lost his cool during a staff meeting and used the force to choke a coworker.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

Introducing two cats is tedium. Not interested in your dumb politics just lick each other and be normal already.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Sorry, my face wasn’t created to hide that much distain for what you’re saying.

Spotted on X:

The hairdresser asking me what special plans I have for the day like this wasn’t it.

Just shared via Messenger:

Every time someone tries to fight with me online, a middle finger gets its wings.

Seen just now on Messenger:

How late is too late to still be lying in bed, naked, drinking coffee?

Just shared via Threads:

Mr. Beast is like if they made Dubai into a person.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I don’t even know what the Transformers are fighting about, to be honest.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Dear women, when you’re not around we load the dishwasher properly.

Just shared via YouTube:

Why is the Formula 1 so afraid of rain? Just drive with more caution. That’s what I always do when it rains.

Making waves on YouTube:

I start off my mornings with coffee and low expectations.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Always be kind. You never know who has a pool.

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