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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

His voice was like whiskey. Smooth with a slow burn that lit me up from the inside.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

“Delusional” ain’t a strong enough word to describe people anymore.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

I love how bananas just take over the whole smoothie. You can never dim her light.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

I tried to take a picture of myself in the shower, but my camera kept fogging up. I have selfie steam issues.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

Never trust a wet fart.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

Life hack: put on an apron at home and people think you’re super busy doing important stuff even when you’re not.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

The greatest trick ever was making people feel more connected, when they are actually more alone than ever.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

Distance is my jam; solitude is my peanut butter.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

There’s a special place in hell for people like you (next to me).

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

Sundays are weird. You want to relax, but your brain’s like, “Shouldn’t you be panicking about something?”

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,679

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

We are so shocked by “Butthead” that we ignore the strangeness of the name “Beavis”.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I’m surprised some of you are allowed out of your house on your own.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Don’t worry, guys. Together we can eliminate logic and reason on social media. I see some of you are already ahead of the game. Way to go!

Just shared via TikTok:

I handed in my exam blank so that the teacher has more time to celebrate Christmas with her family.

Spotted on Instagram:

The pizza delivery guys say “see you tomorrow” to everyone, right?

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Not to brag but I don’t need alcohol to do something stupid.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

If you saw me licking the plate after the charcuterie was finished, no you didn’t.

Making waves on Threads:

Adulthood is basically just trying to fall asleep at night and stay awake during the day.

Just shared via X:

Ever since I turned 20, someone is always in Japan or Italy. Is it like this forever?

Going bananas on Reddit:

Walking up to any crime scene and whispering within the crowd, “It’s started again, hasn’t it?” then leaving.

51 Funny waking up quotes

More funny waking up quotes 👇

I no longer need an alarm clock because I’m over 40 and have a bladder.

3 months ago

40, age, alarm, alarm clock, bladder, changes, clock, humor, i, life, life changes, need, over, over 40, sleep, waking, waking up

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All funny waking up quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

50 shares on TikTok this month:

The night terrors don’t scare me half as much as the day terrors.

83 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m so single right now that I stood on a cliff and shouted, “I love you,” and my echo replied, “I just wanna be friends.”

19 shares on WeChat this month:

Mama didn’t raise no fool, I turned into one all on my own.

44 shares on Messenger this month:

I need a leaf blower, but for people.

83 shares on Reddit this month:

The best part about being single is sleeping around. You can sleep all over that bed of yours – left, right, middle.

57 shares on Reddit this month:

Getting to the age where I’m like, “Oh, hopefully I’ll be dead by then.”

72 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m not gonna have a bad day. The day is gonna have a bad me.

99 shares on YouTube this month:

Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

65 shares on X this month:

Woke up feeling not too shabby for a 60-year-old. The only problem is I’m still in my 40s.

10 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Don’t tell me about your wild weekend. My TV remote died and I switched the batteries around, and now it’s working.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

Bruce Lee had a faster older brother named Sudden Lee.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

The haters said I couldn’t do it. And they were correct. Honestly, great call from the haters.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

Did I eat too much candy today? My stomach says yes, but my heart says no.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

Here’s a question for all the mind readers out there.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

At the end of the day, it’s just me and me.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

They said, “Enjoy your money because life is short.” Now my money is finished, but I’m still alive.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

The worst part of coming out of a hyperfixation is sobering up and looking at all the merch you bought that you didn’t need.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

Parents will give you a lecture about fake friends and then get scammed by their own siblings.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

If I were in charge of Nike, I’d change the slogan to “Just Say You Did It. Nobody Ever Checks.”

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Be warned: I’m bored. This could get dangerous.

Shared recently on Reddit:

People who get 0-5 likes at max and still tweet all the time… What’s your secret?

Seen just now on YouTube:

I’m confused how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Unfortunately for the haters, I will continue to keep being me.

Just landed via TikTok:

You never realize what you have until it’s gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

Just landed via WeChat:

Trying to bribe Monday with coffee to get it to act like a Friday.

Going viral on X:

Your posts make me wish I could forget how to read.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Thanks to AI, some of us went from being told by our parents not to trust the internet to having to tell our parents not to trust the internet.

Making waves on Discord:

If you ever have a crush on someone and want it to end, listen to a podcast they are on.

Shared recently on X:

Had a fight with an erection this morning. Beat it single-handed.

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Activity Log ✨

51 Funny waking up quotes

More funny waking up quotes 👇

I no longer need an alarm clock because I’m over 40 and have a bladder.

All funny waking up quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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