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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

If I got possessed demonically, I wouldn’t even notice it. With everything else I’ve got going on.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

If I’m ever in a coma, please pluck my chin hairs.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

The problem with dating apps is I don’t wanna date someone that would use a dating app.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

The Playstation is broken and the child has noticed that I live here too.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Honestly, will never top the year I told everyone I was going to be Amelia Earhart for Halloween, and then didn’t show up to the party.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

Gonna go walk the beach and stare annoyingly at couples. May even growl as I pass by.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

There will only be world peace if we get another Gangnam Style.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

I hope Instagram is still active during the apocalypse, so the zombies can post pics of whose brains they’re currently eating.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

Walmart was wild as hell today, so I fit right in.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,490

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Instead of saying “Good morning,” my wife and I go straight into explanations of how badly we each slept.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I don’t believe in lying to children, unless it’s about where the good snacks are hidden. Then it’s fine.

Just shared via Instagram:

Odd—my boss told me to meet him at the abandoned quarry at midnight for my performance evaluation.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

My dating checklist is down to “not the Unabomber”.

Live now on Reddit:

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation.

Shared recently on Threads:

Time Magazine should have a Worst Person of the Year!

Freshly posted on Threads:

When God closes a door, he opens a window. Unfortunately, we are in a submarine.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Unfollowing girls on Instagram as soon as they get a boyfriend is something I’ll never stop doing.

Trending via Telegram:

Girl, he’s nonchalant because he doesn’t like you. He’s definitely chalanting somewhere else.

Trending via Snapchat:

Your honor, if it pleases the court, here’s Wonderwall.

God saw you do that.

5 days ago

Funny Quotes

Witty humorous phrase about divine observation, playful and amusing in tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Oh, oh! Even God had to hit the rewind button on that one! 👀🙈🤭 #CaughtInTheAct #DivineIntervention"

God, guilt, humor, mischief, observation, saw

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100 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I might look like I have my life together, but that’s only because the mess is out of the camera frame.

14 shares on Pinterest this month:

Hell hath no fury like a sports bra being applied to a just showered but not 100% dry body.

48 shares on Instagram this month:

Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.

40 shares on TikTok this month:

Growing up means choosing cozy couch moments over crowded club scenes. Cheers to adulting!

47 shares on Snapchat this month:

I asked my doctor if I’m healthy enough for sex and he told me I’m not even sexy enough for health.

82 shares on Telegram this month:

I have three full closets of nothing to wear.

23 shares on WeChat this month:

Karma not moving fast enough for me. I would hate to handle it myself, Lord.

64 shares on Facebook this month:

Apparently you’re not supposed to announce that there’s been a death in the family every time you kill a houseplant.

48 shares on Facebook this month:

“This would be better if there was cake” really does ring true in any situation.

75 shares on Instagram this month:

I have lots of hidden talents. The problem is, even I can’t find them.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

You aren’t from the Midwest unless you can spin out in the snow, regain control and keep driving like nothing happened.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

I’m at the age where, if you ask me to go out after 9 p.m., I’m definitely not coming.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

“I’m disgusted by how many of you still use Spotify. I use a fair trade, ethically conscientious mom-and-pop platform called Apple Music.”

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

Airplanes are so weird because how does a giant metal box stay in the air like that, and why am I craving tomato juice?

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

I thought the noise my husband’s stomach was making was never going to end last night until I realized it was a motorbike outside.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

Please solve a murder to prove you’re not a bot.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

Hate it when I pull out a winter coat and there’s no money stashed in it.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

Thanks for your email! Unfortunately, I have filled my pockets with stones and am making my way to the sea.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Turns out, “unc” is short for unconstitutional.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

Some people believe the appendix is a vestigial organ, that its use has long since passed. I think it’s primordial. Its use has yet to come.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

Sober in a taxi: Please. Stop talking to me. Drunk in a taxi: … And that, Mick, is why I’m emotionally unavailable, I suppose.

Going viral on Slack:

Dua Lipa is a fantastic singer AND Mario’s advice to Luigi when he wants to get on a slightly higher platform.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

I really feel like we need to have more fun in life, because literally nothing matters.

Just shared via Telegram:

I’m an optimist and i understand how annoying that is.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

In the 80s, if you woke up feeling thirsty, you could drink some of your waterbed.

Making waves on Twitch:

I like to describe the difference between theory and practice with shopping lists and receipts.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Going out for two days in a row should really be considered an extreme sport.

Broadcasted on X:

Dear Aliens, Now would be a good time. Thanks!

Shared recently on Threads:

Don’t argue with her. Just say “you remind me of my ex” then walk away.

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Activity Log ✨

God saw you do that.

I’m so jealous of people who live near a coastal area. What do you mean you can just go to the beach on a random Tuesday?

How do I get one of those fake corporate jobs where I work remotely, get paid for responding to one email a day, and have a laptop on with Outlook or whatever open?

Maybe you should embark on a strange journey.

Asian parents give you unmoanable names so you can focus on your studies.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

God saw you do that.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I’m so jealous of people who live near a coastal area. What do you mean you can just go to the beach on a random Tuesday?

Can’t stop thinking about that time at the planetarium where they showed us a picture of earth and everyone booed.

Unfortunately, when you don’t burden people with your problems, they assume you don’t have any. Lol.

How do I get one of those fake corporate jobs where I work remotely, get paid for responding to one email a day, and have a laptop on with Outlook or whatever open?

Maybe you should embark on a strange journey.

Asian parents give you unmoanable names so you can focus on your studies.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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