Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

I have the sex drive of a potato.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

I need to go to jail for a while to catch up on all my reading.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

I don’t have a new year resolution, you don’t need that when you’re perfect.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

Saying “Hmmmm” when my boss walks in so he knows I’m thinking about stuff.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

Nothing prepared me for the part of adulthood where you look like a baby deer learning to walk every time you get out of bed in the morning.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

When someone asks me if my twins are natural, I tell them no they’re robots.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

A Tinder type app, but it matches you with sandwiches.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

Most guys probably just have a foot fetish because their first girlfriend was a sock.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

Men don’t chew on toothpicks all day anymore.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

I only drink when I people.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

Funny Quotes Images

15,094

Dec 22, 2025

3,926

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Reddit:

When I become president, any public holiday that falls on a Thursday automatically extends to Friday.

Just shared via Messenger:

You come from dust and you’ll return to dust, so that’s why I never dust. It could be someone I know.

Spotted on Telegram:

I told myself I’d behave today. Then I saw my reflection and thought, maybe tomorrow.

Going viral on TikTok:

That awkward moment you can’t understand what somebody is saying after they have repeated it about five times.

Shared recently on Reddit:

We are so shocked by “Butthead” that we ignore the strangeness of the name “Beavis”.

Live now on WhatsApp:

“I’m interested in the divorce rate for couples who sleep in queen versus king beds.”

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Apart from “It’s okay”, what other death threats do women use?

Spotted on WeChat:

Is there really anything worse than being forced to watch a video on someone else’s phone and having to pretend to laugh for 2 minutes?

Seen just now on WeChat:

A girl like me should be in the sky, sitting on a star.

Just shared via Telegram:

Someday I will make a sandwich that will change my life forever.

Grocery shopping before Christmas is a nightmare. My milk expired while I was waiting in line.

2 months ago

0

Grocery shopping before Christmas is a nightmare. My milk expired while I was waiting in line.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Trying to survive the grocery store before Christmas is like going on a wild expedition through the jungle. 🛒🎄 Don't worry, your milk may have expired, but at least you've gained some battle scars in the form of long checkout lines! 💥😂"

before, Christmas, expired, grocery, grocery shopping, i, line, milk, nightmare, shopping, waiting

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Think about how many more lovers you’d have if a cross country high-speed rail existed. That’s what they are taking away from you.

0

2 months ago

activity, away, country, cross, cross country, dating, existed, fun, fun activity, high-speed, high-speed rail, lovers, opportunity, rail, relationships, think, transportation, travel
I love when my Uber driver and I both shut the hell up for a full ride.

0

1 month ago

awkward, awkward moment, both, conversation, driver, full, hell, humor, i, love, moment, passenger, quiet, ride, shut, silence, transportation, Uber
Shout out to people jogging in this heat, no, seriously, shout out to make sure they’re okay.

0

1 month ago

concern, exercise, heat, humor, jogging, okay, people, seriously, shout, shout out, sure
Lord of the Rings is wild cause Gandalf told Frodo he had to go on a super dangerous journey and Frodo was like “Ok, can I bring my gardener?”

0

2 months ago

adventure, dangerous, dangerous journey, fantasy, friendship, Frodo, Gandalf, gardener, humor, journey, lord, Lord of the Rings, rings
To be gentle in this world is an act of rebellion.

0

3 months ago

act, courage, defiance, gentle, kindness, rebellion, world
The best part of vacation with your extended family is talking shit about them on the trip home.

0

2 months ago

family, family vacation, home, trip, vacation

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

34 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You look like the type of person that would fart in bed and Dutch Oven yourself.

94 shares on Threads this month:

Going to the bathroom at night with my flashlight on and a dog next to me feels like I’m gonna solve a mystery.

26 shares on Slack this month:

It’s amazing how cats can ignore you with both ears.

80 shares on Messenger this month:

Every time I want to use a big word that I just know the meaning of, I Google it first, just in case.

49 shares on WeChat this month:

Sorry, but I don’t think we should see each other anymore. Your Katana skills are lacking.

36 shares on YouTube this month:

What doesn’t kill you makes you weird at social gatherings.

80 shares on Telegram this month:

Women don’t apologize. They sleep naked and let you decide whether you are still angry or not.

28 shares on Twitch this month:

Tested positive for being single af

47 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you did the weekend right, your coffee needs coffee today.

72 shares on Telegram this month:

They said I can never go back to that Vietnamese spot. They banh mi pho life.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

As a parent of a teenage daughter, I would like to formally apologize to my parents for my tube-top and low-rise jeans era.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Killing me softly with his schlong.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Do you remember when you looked through binoculars upside down and everyone was really far away? That was nice.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

My hobbies include adding things to my cart, and never buying them.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

It sucks when you realize it’s only Thursday, until you realize it’s Wednesday.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Yes, I know there is a really special place in hell for me. It’s called a throne.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

The only constant in my life are the accidental screenshots of my lock screen.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

After my death, I’ll be very busy. The list of people to whom I want to appear as a ghost is getting longer every day.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

“Normalize this, normalize that.” How about y’all feel shame for once?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

Funny Quotes Images

15,094

Updated

Dec 22, 2025

Users Online

3,893

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

Aliens are coming to Earth, people are going to the Moon, and I am still pushing on a door that says pull.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

I’m going to bed, everyone. Try to keep it down.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

I hate it when I do the math about where my money went, and it all adds up. No one robbed me; I didn’t lose it. It was really all me.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

A girl, her bed, and TV series on a Friday evening is a true love story.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

Liking a song isn’t enough, I need to be able to call the artist and tell them they did a great job.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

“Are you getting your period?” God forbid I’m just evil.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

Unless you’re dead wearing a sheet, you got no business ghosting people.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

Relationship Status: just tried to pet my dog and he turned his head so I pretended I was reaching for a leaf that was next to him.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

My body is a machine that turns pizza into diarrhea.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

Dear brain, please stop thinking so much exactly when it’s time to fall asleep.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

Once you’ve read the dictionary, every other book you read is just a remix.

Going viral on Twitch:

I appreciate the interest, but I’m officially removing myself from the running to be the next James Bond. Thank you for your understanding.

Breaking via YouTube:

My budget for this month is a smile, and I don’t know how long that will last.

Just landed via Snapchat:

The way turkeys feel about November is probably how treadmills feel about January.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I’m not an idiot anymore, universe, please stop with the lessons.

Just landed via Messenger:

Shout out to the people getting $400 hotel rooms on Feb 14th to do the same two positions they do at home.

Trending via Pinterest:

Me watching any modern ad: How is this ad an ad for the thing it’s an ad for?

Live now on Facebook:

Yes, my sex drive is higher than my will to live, and what about it?

Going bananas on TikTok:

When phones were tied with wires, people were free. Now that phones are wireless, people are tied.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Signatures are so unserious, just “pinky promise” for adults. Write your name in a silly little way on this very important piece of paper so we that we can send you to jail if you do anything wrong.

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴