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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

Leave me alone, man. I’m just living my life like a candle in the wind.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

I like to put “No DMs” in my bio to pretend that I’m attractive.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

Saw the eye doctor, and that’s 90% of the vision test right there.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

When a girl is done with you, she talks to you like she’s in HR or something.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

Why is it called Christian community and not Holyfans?

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Any porn site that allows comments is instantly funny because, like, why is that there.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

I’m not worried about shattering the illusion, I want to smash it to pieces.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Please don’t match my crazy. One of us has to be rational here, and it’s definitely not going to be me.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

A fun thing to do at work is call in sick and stay home.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

Excuse me, can you direct me to the nonsense?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,264

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Slack:

My shadow quit because I’m too boring.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I want to be a garbage man, so I only have to work one day a week.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I hate apps that shut off your music when you open them, like how fu*king important do you think you are?

Just landed via Pinterest:

Would rather walk around a shop 500 times to find something than ask a member of staff who works there like a normal person.

Trending via Facebook:

I miss being able to study with complete focus for hours. Now I read one sentence and check my phone to see if penguins have legs or just feet.

Trending via X:

As it turns out, the only way to avoid work stress is not going.

Making waves on Instagram:

Easiest way to ragebait a finance bro is to start the ‘why can’t we print more money’ conversation.

Just shared via Snapchat:

We interrupt coverage of one horrible story for breaking news of another horrible story.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Taking action is my least favorite thing to take.

Going bananas on Threads:

I think every app should, by law, let you deactivate all of its short-form video content.

Grocery shopping before Christmas is a nightmare. My milk expired while I was waiting in line.

2 weeks ago

Humorous text about holiday shopping chaos and expired milk mishap.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Trying to survive the grocery store before Christmas is like going on a wild expedition through the jungle. 🛒🎄 Don't worry, your milk may have expired, but at least you've gained some battle scars in the form of long checkout lines! 💥😂"

before, Christmas, expired, grocery, grocery shopping, i, line, milk, nightmare, shopping, waiting

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

29 shares on Pinterest this month:

Let the good times roll. Let the bad times crawl. Let the acceptable times do the hopscotch.

37 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m looking for a moisturizer to hide the fact that I’ve been tired since 2010.

92 shares on Threads this month:

80 years from now, this comment section will be full of dead people. Write anything you want.

53 shares on Threads this month:

Nobody calls you old more than people 2 years younger than you.

59 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sometimes I feel like my life is being written by someone who isn’t sure if they like me or not.

29 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m tired of things costing money.

59 shares on Facebook this month:

Today I choose kindness, but we’ll see, it’s still early.

72 shares on Slack this month:

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

90 shares on Twitch this month:

Food gives you energy to nap more.

19 shares on Messenger this month:

There is a reason I’m single and it’s called my face.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Too many toilets have automatically flushed underneath me for me not to have reservations about self-driving cars.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

My cats won’t talk to me because I came home late from work.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve done the math: If the month had 10 days, I would get by with my money.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

When you decorate your whole house for Christmas, what you’re really saying is “I’m not going to dust for at least a month.”

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The thing about being 50+ is that whenever an opportunity to pee is available – you’re wise to take it.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

You know it’s bad when people start telling you that you are the strongest person they’ve ever met.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry, I can’t come. I’m still recovering from the last time I went out.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

My budget for this month is a smile, and I don’t know how long that will last.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

This post ain’t gonna like itself, damn.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I was going to cause mischief tonight, but I climbed into my bed instead.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,454

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

You know who’s gonna love you in the end? Your dog.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

Years of personal growth can be unraveled in 2 days at your parents’ house.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

People call me a “Trekkie,” but I’m not. I’ve only seen Star Wars a couple of times.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

When someone dies people say “he’s going to meet his Maker”. No he’s not. God doesn’t mingle with the staff.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

I’m glad cars were invented. Imagine riding a horse at 3 a.m., coming back from the club.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

Told someone I’m as “single as a pringle and as neato as a dorito” and they blocked me immediately.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

Only 6 hours, 45 minutes and 35 years until I’m done with work.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

I have a very particular set of useless skills.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

Really love how dancing alone in your room can literally save your life.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

So apparently they don’t count as sit-ups if you’re just trying to get out of bed.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Twitch:

If my house is clean, just know I yelled at everyone for two hours first.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Awake? You may be entitled to compensation.

Seen just now on YouTube:

“It’s Raining Men” and “Let the Bodies Hit the Floor” are the same song from different points of view.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Why is everyone so chill about parrots being able to talk? That’s a whole animal. Talking.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

“Why are you so quiet?” Because I’m barely even here.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Some people are wise, some folks are otherwise.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

My DNA came back saying I come from a wide selection of cheeses.

Breaking via Threads:

It’s so hot here, I’m breaking a sweat just bitching and moaning about it.

Live now on Pinterest:

Grocery stores should have baskets in the middle of the store for those “I really overestimated how much I can carry” moments.

Going bananas on Instagram:

My retirement plan is recording a hit Christmas song. I just need to learn how to sing and write music.

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