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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

If at first you don’t succeed then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Roadtripping with my family has taught me that my marriage can withstand anything except roadtripping with my family.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

Getting old would be so fun if you didn’t wake up each morning with neck pain that suggests you slept hanging upside down like a bat.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

I still haven’t heard one good argument why I should stop believing in Santa.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

Living with a dog is 90% following each other around, watching each other go potty, and wondering what the other has in their mouth.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Maybe hot chocolate wants to be called beautiful chocolate at least one time.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

I accidentally hit a parked car, so I left them a note that said “next time it will be you”.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

My eye doctor is alarmingly young and when he said he thought I had a chalazion or a hordoleum, I thought he might be referencing Pokémon.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

Don’t ask me ‘how are you?’ unless you’re willing to sign an NDA.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

It’s so hot outside that when I opened my front door I thought I was checking on my oven.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Jan 11, 2026

3,282

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

Walking on egg shells? In this economy?

Shared recently on Threads:

Jump to recipe is the closest thing we have to teleportation.

Breaking via YouTube:

Jokes on you, unknown number. I barely answer my phone for people I know.

Broadcasted on Discord:

ADHD is: being pretty good at basically anything you want to be, and absolutely terrible at anything you need to do to live.

Shared recently on Threads:

Sometimes a little rudeness to establish that you don’t fancy nonsense is really important.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Why can’t my career pursue me instead?

Trending via Instagram:

I just saw someone on TikTok say that the reason the world didn’t end in 2012 is because Psy turned the Honmoon gold with Gangnam Style.

Going viral on Reddit:

Employees should have to take their boss’s last name.

Just shared via WeChat:

All women want is to consistently annoy one handsome man forever.

Breaking via TikTok:

If ads were a person, it would be that one neighbor who won’t stop talking to you at the most inconvenient of times.

Half princess, half menace.

2 months ago

Half princess, half menace.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Watch out, she's half royal grace 👑 and half mischievous mischief 😈! Don't let the crown fool you, this princess packs a punch 💥👸 #royallyrebellious"

contrast, duality, half, humor, menace, personality, playful, princess

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If I got a Dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.

3 months ago

dollar, every, humor, i, love, start, thinking, thought, time
People complain about jury duty as if listening to true crime all day and being sequestered at night isn’t secretly every mother’s fantasy.

2 months ago

being, complain, complaint, crime, day, duty, every, fantasy, humor, jury, jury duty, listening, mother, night, people, sequester, true, true crime
Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck got engaged, broke up, married other people, had children, reunited, got married, broke up again, and I’ve been single that whole time.

2 months ago

affleck, again, ben, Ben Affleck, broke, broke up, children, engaged, humor, Jennifer, Jennifer Lopez, life, lopez, love, love life, married, people, relationship, reunited, single, time, whole
Liquor on the top shelf is so expensive because the bartender has to stand on their tippy toes to reach it.

3 months ago

bartender, drinks, expensive, humor, liquor, shelf, stand, t, tippy, tippy t, top, top shelf
The smarter you are, the more important it is for you to figure out how to think less.

2 months ago

figure, health, humor, important, intelligence, irony, less, mental, mental health, self-awareness, smarter, think, thinking, wisdom
If the Beatles were just 4 lads from Liverpool, imagine what 400 lads from Liverpool would sound like. But y’all aren’t ready for that conversation.

1 month ago

4, band, Beatles, conversation, humor, imagine, just, lads, Liverpool, music, ready, sound

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

42 shares on Telegram this month:

Awake? You may be entitled to compensation.

81 shares on LinkedIn this month:

time heals all wounds.” Wrong! Time is chasing me with a knife.

40 shares on Twitch this month:

In your 20s, you will be tempted to prove that you’re doing well. It’s important you resist performing for an audience that isn’t watching.

42 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t need a midlife crisis. My whole life is a crisis.

88 shares on Threads this month:

To all the people who ask singles why they are actually single: Please don’t. We have sworn an oath and are not allowed to tell you the secret of our success.

64 shares on Facebook this month:

They should invent a word for when you’re alive but not really living.

55 shares on Snapchat this month:

Some people are like wallpaper… same pattern repeating every time.

57 shares on LinkedIn this month:

This can’t be the same brain I was using to read 750-page novels in 3 days during middle school.

63 shares on Threads this month:

There is a house I drive by most days and I can never tell if they are having a yard sale or that is just how they live.

96 shares on Reddit this month:

I am “any text received after 9pm will be answered at 6am” years old.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I am absolutely unstoppable, unless it’s a bit rainy.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Why are moths always out at night when they like light so much? Wait til y’all find out about the sun.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Nudes are outdated. Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you’re not dumb.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Dear Math, I don’t want to solve your problem, I have my own problems to solve.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

ROMO (relief of missing out)

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Please don’t leave me to my own devices. They’re all out of batteries.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry, can’t. Calling NASA and making alien noises.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Every day is a D-Day, if you’re a stutterer.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish someone would light up the way Siri does when I say, “Hey.”

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Adulthood is really discovering half your family is mentally ill.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,467

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

UNO is based on luck unless I win, then it’s based on strategy, and I’m a genius.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

One of the best examples of someone posing a question that they already know the answer to is the WeightWatchers website asking me if I accept cookies.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

Every night, millions of teeth go unbrushed.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

Sometimes I say “huh,” then answer the question before you can repeat your question.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

The iPhone alarm is so effective that you wake up before it goes off, so you don’t have to listen to such an unbearable noise.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

If painting yourself into a corner was considered art, I’d be Michelangelo.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

She was rare. Like a parking spot in the front row on a rainy day.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

Disney set unrealistic standards of how often woodland creatures would help me clean and do laundry if I just sang out my window.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

Yes, I was behind the DJ booth, but only as a cultural anthropologist.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

At this point, the only thing that can heal me is memory loss.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Get off the apps. Sleep with someone in your friend group. Add an awkward tension every time you hang out with them.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I can resist everything except temptation.

Making waves on Messenger:

Hey! Sorry I missed your text, I am processing a non-stop 24/7 onslaught of information with a brain designed to eat berries in a cave.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Please don’t tell me how bad your life was growing up, we had to manually roll up our car windows.

Going viral on Twitch:

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.

Going viral on YouTube:

Who really needs jetpacks, I want to be able to start over from my last save point.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Soft launching your call out the next day by telling everyone at work your stomach feels a little weird.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

You don’t get much engagement? Have you tried being retarded.

Just landed via Discord:

Never quit, unless it’s too hard.

Broadcasted on Discord:

You ever killed your own vibe by remembering?

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