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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

Making dinner with my left hand, so it feels like someone else is doing it.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

Getting a key tattoo, but getting it covered up with a doormat tattoo, so no one ever finds it.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Hey, sorry I cant make it tonight. I am beset on all sides by foes.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

It’s funny how our brains remember that we have forgotten something, but not what we have forgotten.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

Shazam, but for the name of the person who literally just introduced themself to me.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Boss: You’ll never find another job like this. Me: That’d be great.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

The enemy of my enemy is my friend. But I’m my own worst enemy, so I guess I’m also my best friend.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

Some of you are out here driving like your turn signal’s free trial ended and you’re all out of blinks.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

There should be a socially acceptable way to say, “I’m not sure what to say to that. Can you please say something different?”.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

ASAP can also mean as slow as possible.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

217 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,486

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,486

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,422

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

Do u guys also have a story in your head, and when you’re bored, you just add more to it and continue from where you left off?

Just landed via TikTok:

That awkward moment you can’t understand what somebody is saying after they have repeated it about five times.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

I’m perverted, but in an elegant and whimsical way.

Just shared via Messenger:

The rumors of my will to live have been greatly exaggerated.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

The worst part about going to work is the part where you have to go to work.

Live now on Telegram:

The older I get, the more I don’t want to do things.

Spotted on Instagram:

“Each to their own!” Translation: You’re wrong, but never mind.

Just landed via X:

Can someone write me a note to get out of being a responsible adult?

Seen just now on Slack:

Looking forward to eight hours of trying to get four hours of sleep tonight.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I am such a fun person and so easy to get along with as long as the layout I have secretly imagined for the entire day goes exactly as I planned it without variation or interruption.

Hopefully it won’t be as bad as it already is.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal optimist! 🌞 Keeping our fingers crossed that the universe goes 'Oh, my bad' and hits the reset button. 🤞😅"

bad, hope, humor, irony, optimism, situation

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Coffee, because I don’t have time for a manslaughter charge.

0

2 months ago

caffeine, charge, coffee, humor, i, manslaughter, sarcasm, stress, time
I really hope that I look like the mirror version of me, and not the camera version.

0

3 months ago

appearance, camera, hope, humor, i, me, mirror, photography, reflection, self-image, version
Googling phone numbers you don’t recognize instead of actually answering the phone.

0

4 months ago

actually, answering, answering phone, anxiety, call, Googling, habit, humor, modern, modern habit, number, numbers, phone, phone anxiety, phone number, procrastination, technology
You know when you have so much to do that you just sit down and do nothing?

0

2 months ago

doing, doing nothing, humor, just, know, life, much, nothing, overwhelm, procrastination, productivity, relaxation, sit, tasks
Why can’t my fat leave me like everything else does?

0

2 months ago

everything, fat, humor, joke, leave, me, weight
Whenever I have a headache, I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

0

2 months ago

advice, aspirin, bottle, children, headache, humor, i, irony, just, keep, take

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

13 shares on Facebook this month:

Do you laugh at your own jokes, or are you emotionally stable?

44 shares on Slack this month:

Being an adult is realizing $1000 is little money to have, but a lot to owe.

29 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Drinking a beer alone with terrible posture.

22 shares on Pinterest this month:

I have a drawer in my kitchen that I can’t open anymore because of that one time I decided to put a spatula in it.

85 shares on Discord this month:

People who say “teamwork makes the dream work” are the reason that some people want to punch other people in the face.

35 shares on Messenger this month:

My husband is looking for the remote control. I need everyone to stand up for a minute.

55 shares on Snapchat this month:

I actually check my emails every day in hopes I’m going to get some life-changing news someday.

54 shares on X this month:

I can’t wait til I have hearing aids, so I can just turn them off when I’m tired of hearing everyone.

39 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Life is like a penis. Sometimes it’s up, sometimes it’s down. But it’s never hard forever.

63 shares on Instagram this month:

Damn, how much daylight are they trying to save? It’s dark as hell.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

I hate it when I’m outside, and an insect lands and crawls on my glasses, and for a split second, I think aliens have invaded.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

Falling off academically is worse than a heartbreak.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

I’m equally comfortable holding a guitar as I am holding a baby, I just hold them both by the neck.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

You should tell different people completely different things about yourself so that they then get into arguments when gossiping about you.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

Sorry, Mom, I can’t go outside, I’m ugly.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

Mission Impossible theme song plays in my head when I’m trying to remember a password.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

I highly recommend getting yourself a “How can I help” partner and not a “You will be fine” partner.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

My doubters will become my grouters when I remodel the bathroom of success.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

This can’t be the same brain I was using to read 750-page novels in 3 days during middle school.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Threads:

I often got called “an old soul” and such like by adults when I was a child. I think this was a kind way of saying I was a sad little freak.

Making waves on Threads:

Establish dominance by maintaining eye contact whilst twerking.

Making waves on Telegram:

You are the Monday of my life.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I took a pole and found that 100% of people in the tent were angry.

Going viral on X:

No ChatGPT for me, thanks. I will be asking Liam Gallagher on Twitter.

Going viral on YouTube:

Dearest, I beg of you, sleep properly and go for walks.

Going viral on Threads:

Women in movies look so beautiful when they sleep. Meanwhile, I’m tossing and turning all night like a forgotten 7-Eleven hot dog.

Making waves on Threads:

You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there’s a luxury tax, and rich people can go to jail.

Going viral on Messenger:

Honestly, how women are drawn in a manga is typically (though not always) a good clue for what demographic a manga series is.

Making waves on Discord:

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Hopefully it won’t be as bad as it already is.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Coffee, because I don’t have time for a manslaughter charge.

I really hope that I look like the mirror version of me, and not the camera version.

Googling phone numbers you don’t recognize instead of actually answering the phone.

You know when you have so much to do that you just sit down and do nothing?

Why can’t my fat leave me like everything else does?

Whenever I have a headache, I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨