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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฝ has copied:

I’m not going to die because of an accident. Nor because of an illness. But from small talk. Someone will say one boring sentence too many and I’ll drop dead.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฟ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has bookmarked:

As a sales clerk, you want to shout after some people as they leave the store: “Are you sure you’ve really REALLY touched everything?”

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡น has viewed:

What’s wrong, babe? You’ve hardly touched my mixed signals.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ญ has viewed:

A recent study showed that people who are reading this text thought they were learning something useful.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ด๐Ÿ‡ฒ has downloaded:

I didnโ€™t expect to have such strong feelings when the subtitles said “smooching” while the actors were kissing.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has bookmarked:

You should be able to call in sad to work.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has viewed:

Just rolled over for a cuddle.. forgot I’m single… fell off the bed.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡ธ has bookmarked:

Can I come over and circle you like a vulture?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ฌ has downloaded:

I wonder if Mary and Joseph hated putting away the Christmas stuff as much as I do.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has viewed:

Iโ€™m planning to eat the rich, but can I sub out fries for a salad?

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,533

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Making waves on Facebook:

We really do need a separate grocery store for people who’ve been on Earth before.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I hate when I gain 10 pounds for a role and then realize Iโ€™m not an actor.

Breaking via Telegram:

Donโ€™t ring my doorbell unless youโ€™re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.

Live now on Threads:

I started my diet 2 hours ago, Iโ€™m glad thatโ€™s over.

Spotted on Slack:

A driver that delivers Indian food is called a curryer.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Bok Choy is a dope name for a vegetable.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

If I had a dollar for every time I didn’t know what was going on, I’d be like, why am I always getting all this money?

Just shared via X:

Imagine being social on social media.

Going viral on Threads:

They all cheat, lie and manipulate. Just pick the pretty one.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Before they perfected the Q-tip, you have to wonder what kinds of horrific things went wrong with tips A-P.

How did Satoshi write the code of Bitcoin before Claude?

Witty text questioning Satoshi's code skills before Claude's, playful and humorous.
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Commentary:
Someone needs to check if Satoshi has a time machine or a really sneaky cat named Claude! โณ๐Ÿฑ๐Ÿ’ป

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Trending Funny Quotes ๐Ÿ‘‡

Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars โญ

84 shares on TikTok this month:

At my age, getting up early just means that I had to go pee, and I couldnโ€™t hold it anymore.

46 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Dear everyone. Upset, bored, angry or hungry. I’m here for you. Sincerely, fridge.

28 shares on YouTube this month:

No pre-workout, just flashbacks of stuff I let slide.

91 shares on Pinterest this month:

Technically mixed martial arts can include tickle fighting.

96 shares on Pinterest this month:

Your password must contain a character… with a tragic backstory.

27 shares on X this month:

Telling her parents you creampie her daily is socially unacceptable. But telling them you’re trying for a baby is a cause for celebration.

61 shares on Facebook this month:

People on diet arenโ€™t mad at you. Theyโ€™re mad at their lunch.

33 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m really hoping money falls from the sky this week, or else I’m doomed.

11 shares on WeChat this month:

I love making the whole conversation so awkward that the most anyone can say after is โ€œso yeahโ€ฆโ€

80 shares on X this month:

Life is just a vicious cycle of needing to go to the grocery store.

Trending Topics ๐Ÿ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes ๐Ÿ’ฅ

21 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

No one ever talks about the 6th love language (being annoying).

12 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

The urge to pee in the morning is so aggressive. Bro, like, chill weโ€™re getting there. Donโ€™t threaten to come out.

11 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I love when certain people post their dating app convos, and you get to see what a conversation between two really boring people looks like.

7 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I hate when I accidentally blow all of my leaves into my neighborโ€™s yard.

17 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

If two witches watched two watches, which witch would watch which watch? Each witch would watch which watch belonged to which witch’s wrist.

11 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Every time a bird poops on my car, I eat a plate of wings on the front porch to show them what Iโ€™m capable of.

24 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

If chickens knew how good they tasted, they would understand.

15 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

My neighbors were up shouting all night. I could barely hear my bagpipes.

19 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Who called it a Cybertruck and not a Deplorean?

24 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Once you book a trip, it becomes hard to focus on life.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

calculatingโ€ฆ

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,315

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ท has copied:

The lion doesn’t concern himself with credit card debt.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ท has shared:

Made it to Friday, but at what cost? Monday is literally in 20 minutes.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡พ has shared:

The only thing that drains faster than my phone battery is my bank account.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ท has bookmarked:

Could you set a lightsaber on low and use it as a back scratcher?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฌ has bookmarked:

I look stable, but I talk to animals, and wait for them to reply.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ณ has shared:

The only ex I cheated on is my exam.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡จ has viewed:

I use a headshot from 2008 on my LinkedIn to prepare future employers for disappointment.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ญ๐Ÿ‡บ has bookmarked:

Itโ€™s okay to admit you want my lips on yours.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has viewed:

Take your days off, these jobs don’t care about you.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ซ๐Ÿ‡ท has copied:

According to the web, caffeine deficiency is a life threatening condition for people around you.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Just landed via TikTok:

Can I come over and look at your Hot Wheels collection?

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Maybe you should embark on a strange journey.

Freshly posted on Threads:

The gap in my resume is because I was trying to reach enlightenment for 5 years.

Just shared via X:

At some point in life, you graduate from Family Guy to American Dad.

Trending via Twitch:

When my sister drives, I am NOT passenger princess, I am a survivor.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Hereโ€™s a fun activity you can do with your kids on rainy days when they have too much energy: Go shopping and leave them at home with their dad.

Just landed via TikTok:

The amount of sleeping Iโ€™ve done over the past few days has been phenomenal. I genuinely love doing absolutely nothing.

Just landed via Threads:

To my beloved wife, I leave my circus and my monkeys.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Grok, put light in her eyes.

Making waves on Instagram:

The best part about being single is sleeping around. You can sleep all over that bed of yours – left, right, middle.

ยฉ 2026. All rights reserved.

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