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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Some days you’re the bat, some days you’re the ball.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

Oops, I think I’ve had a little too much to think.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Being awake is the worst.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

Time machine? You mean a clock?

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

Too bad mosquitos are not into human fat the way they are into human blood.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

Seize the day! Unless it sucks. Then seize the next one.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

It’s never too early to start making bad decisions.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

Working out consistently yields results, but mannnnnnn…… the laundry.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Can’t. Just put my hair in a bun and that’s just about enough exercise for today.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

I put my music on shuffle then get mad when it doesn’t play the song I want.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

808 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,970

Funny Quotes Topics

13,933

Funny Quotes Images

10,970

26 minutes ago

3,435

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on TikTok:

Has someone told the whales that they can’t sing?

Broadcasted on Discord:

Just eating the emotional support snickers bar in my purse. How about you?

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Gordon Ramsay is making us dinner. It’s a four curse meal.

Seen just now on TikTok:

When one door closes, lock it securely, along with all your other doors and windows, before any inspirational quotes get in.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

They should combine the running of the bulls with Tour de France next year.

Freshly posted on X:

If Shakespeare were being born today, he’d be “Shaxxespyr.”

Just shared via Messenger:

I don’t have a welcome mat at my front door because I’m not a liar.

Just shared via Reddit:

You don’t have to be crazy to hang out with me. I’ll train you.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Me, to the printer: “Hey, could you print this out for me?” Printer: “Sure, but first I’ll show you all the sounds I can make.”

Freshly posted on Threads:

You know it’s been a successful Thanksgiving when your clothes no longer fit.

I am a person who wants to get a lot done, trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep in and take naps at times.

6 months ago

I am a person who wants to get a lot done, trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep in and take naps at times.

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Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal struggle between productivity and bed's seductive embrace! 💤💼 It's a daily battle of ambitions vs. comfort, a tale as old as time… or at least as old as the snooze button! ⏰😅 Who will win today, the go-getter or the snoozer? Stay tuned for the thrilling sequel: 'The Procrastination of Napping'. 😂"

am, ambition, body, done, humor, i, laziness, motivation, naps, person, productivity, sleep, struggle, take, times, trapped

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

808 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,970

Funny Quotes Topics

13,933

Funny Quotes Images

10,970

26 minutes ago

3,449

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

I decided to be me and now we have a problem.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

Called in, “I can either stay home today and learn to play this accordion or bring it in with me. Your call.”

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

The only thing smart about you is your wisdom tooth.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

Sometimes, I feel like my brain is still running on Windows 95.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

I will never fall victim to groupthink. I have perfectly unique opinions that no one else has, and they are the dumbest nonsense you’ve ever heard.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

I used to think the cat was dumb for staring out the window, waiting for birds, but I’d probably stare too, if occasionally a pizza flew by.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

My phone charger is lying in another room. HELP.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

If I had today’s mind, I wouldn’t have made yesterday’s mistake. But if I hadn’t made yesterday’s mistake, I wouldn’t have today’s mind.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

The world needs to chill out. There’s no way future history teachers can cram all this nonsense into a semester.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

He who laughs last didn’t get it.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Messenger:

What happened to my ankles tonight mosquitologically can never happen again.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Don’t you hate it when you buy veggies and when you get them home you realize they’re donuts?

Seen just now on TikTok:

Sucking melted cheese off the burger wrapper as God intended.

Trending via Discord:

I’d like to place an order for a large kiss and an extra-long hug.

Spotted on Instagram:

The main difference between my dog and my kid is my dog responds to her name being called.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I’m having an orange, and the dogs keep looking at me like, “stop eating that ball, dude.”

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Babysitting a pair of twin babies right now and feeding them saying “here comes the airplane”. I don’t know, just feels weird.

Trending via Instagram:

Show me another rule so I can break that one too.

Going viral on X:

Films and television have led me to believe that masquerade balls have a higher mortality rate than most wars.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Men invented arm wrestling so they could hold hands and look into each other’s eyes.

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