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Commentary:
"Missing the gym for 7 years straight? Looks like you've unintentionally mastered the art of gym avoidance! 😅 Who needs weights when you've got such strong forgetfulness muscles? 💪🤷‍♂️"

believe, exercise, fitness, forget, gym, humor, i, irony, procrastination, routine, today, year

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27 shares on Telegram this month:

My phone and it’s charger are in a situationship and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.

64 shares on Twitch this month:

Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make-up.

82 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Wiping my hands on my pants before I’m shaking someone’s hand, so they spend the rest of the day wondering what I just touched.

18 shares on Facebook this month:

It’s okay to feed your car a curb, as a little treat sometimes.

60 shares on Threads this month:

Before I die, I’m going to arrange for a friend to take my phone, and after the funeral, text everybody to say “thanks for coming” and other assorted messages of appreciation.

32 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It’s generally a good idea to start punching and throwing elbows immediately upon waking up because there may be enemies nearby.

48 shares on Slack this month:

How do I get one of those fake corporate jobs where I work remotely, get paid for responding to one email a day, and have a laptop on with Outlook or whatever open?

76 shares on Snapchat this month:

There’s no one I respect more than duck hunters. You spent $15,000 on a camouflage boat to outsmart a duck.

35 shares on Threads this month:

Having to pay to read scientific and scholarly articles is a really disgusting and pathetic practice.

47 shares on Reddit this month:

Very disappointed to find out that the universal remote control I bought does not control the universe.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

Netflix & by yourself.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

I love how we didn’t raise the minimum wage because it would make food more expensive, but then just made the food more expensive anyway.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

That awkward moment when a zombie looking for brains walks right past you.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

Always tell people different stories about yourself, so when they talk about you, they’ll argue.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Working your entire life so you can ‘enjoy’ a couple of years when you’re close to death is the biggest scam of all time.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Psych meds aren’t enough anymore. Hit me with a shovel.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

Girl cats get named after ancient goddesses and boy cats get named after Taco Bell menu items.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

Every Reddit relationship post is like “My husband dropped a big piano on my head and when I emerged from the rubble my teeth had been replaced by the keys. Am I in the wrong?”

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

I don’t think people are actually getting any dumber. I think stupid people have just become way more confident.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

We put a man on the moon in 1969, and if you elect me to be your president, I promise that we will not stop until every man is on the moon.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

People should come with warning labels.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I don’t text. I will contact you telepathically.

Just landed via X:

Due to not wanting to, I will not be.

Spotted on Slack:

I love how bananas just take over the whole smoothie. You can never dim her light.

Just landed via X:

My couch better stop looking at me like that, it knows exactly what it’s doing.

Spotted on X:

I love that the entire economy is just different types of scams now.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Being a procrastinator and a perfectionist means you’re stressed about work … that you haven’t even started yet.

Spotted on X:

I refuse to listen to anyone give commentary on the state of society unless it’s in a TikTok video filmed inside their car.

Just shared via WeChat:

Spotify Wrapped? Next year, maybe you should try to be in the top .05% of listeners to your girlfriend.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

A Jackie Chan fight scene where he’s in an IKEA warehouse and he fights off dudes with furniture pieces, but by the end he’s accidentally assembled it all into a complete Malm bedroom set.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s like 7 years in a row now.

Just paid rent. Now I have a place to starve in.

I love dogs with human names because you get to say things like Bob pooped on the rug again.

Two bros having a conversation in the 1700s like “omg, we should totally start a pamphlet”

Captain America taught me that I just need to take performance enhancing drugs to be loved by everyone.

It’s not too early to go to sleep. Too early only applies to waking up.

Want to lose weight for the summer? Don’t worry, just check in your luggage at the airport. You’ll never see those pounds again.

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s like 7 years in a row now.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Just paid rent. Now I have a place to starve in.

I love dogs with human names because you get to say things like Bob pooped on the rug again.

Two bros having a conversation in the 1700s like “omg, we should totally start a pamphlet”

Captain America taught me that I just need to take performance enhancing drugs to be loved by everyone.

It’s not too early to go to sleep. Too early only applies to waking up.

Want to lose weight for the summer? Don’t worry, just check in your luggage at the airport. You’ll never see those pounds again.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨