Trendy Funny Quotes

  • My kid asked me if I’ve ever experienced hallucinations, which is an odd thing to ask considering I don’t have any kids.
  • Hi, I’m making some changes in my life. If you don’t hear from me, you are one of them.
  • Spending all my money on lottery tickets so I’ll either be rich or poor, none of this wishy-washy stuff in the middle.
  • Wisdom of the day: Don’t do anything you don’t want to explain to the paramedic.
  • Jealous that my phone can just die for a little while.
  • The government always waits until the last minute to prevent a shutdown, much like my approach to paying taxes.