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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ธ has bookmarked:

What many call beauty can just be wiped off 90% of the time.

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Hate when other parents at school drop off act like theyโ€™re better than me just because they remembered to bring all of their children.

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Most of Twitter could probably use a good bop on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper.

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My hair will never allow me to commit any crime; I leave my DNA everywhere.

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Work meetings would be a lot more fun if they took place in a giant IKEA ball pit.

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Love triangle? You mean this Dorito?

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Letโ€™s drink some whiskey and say too much.

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My self-care routine is mostly just going to Mexican restaurants.

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I am cutting contact with my 3-year-old narcissist nephew.

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My first rodeo and my last rodeo were the same rodeo.

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I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s like 7 years in a row now.

I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s like 7 years in a row now.

Commentary:
"Missing the gym for 7 years straight? Looks like you've unintentionally mastered the art of gym avoidance! ๐Ÿ˜… Who needs weights when you've got such strong forgetfulness muscles? ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿคทโ€โ™‚๏ธ"



Welcome to Wordgag! ๐Ÿ˜‰โœŒ๏ธ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฅ

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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ญ๐Ÿ‡บ has viewed:

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I’d have to do.

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Spell your crush’s name backwards, mine is yenom.

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People tell introverts to talk more and get out of their comfort zone, but no one tells extroverts to shut up to make the zone comfortable.

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If I were Noah, Iโ€™d bring three of every animal just to create some drama.

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Getting mad at your hair is a whole different kind of angry.

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I’m neither a lover nor a fighter. I’m a snacker.

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Even at my most evil, Iโ€™m considerate.

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You can’t spell disappointment without me.

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The more stupid the views, the harder it is to talk people out of them.

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I never get as envious of parents as I do when their baby starts crying and they get to leave the event.