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Commentary:
"Ah, yes, just a simple case of ambitious financial planning! 💸💼 Who needs bank tellers when you have aspirations, right? 🙃 Just remember, aspiring to hit the jackpot in the lottery might be a safer bet next time! 🤑🎰"

aspiration, bank, humor, i, just, money, motivation, robbery

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If you ever see me out in public, just know I don’t want to be there.

0

2 months ago

awkwardness, ever, honesty, humor, i, introvert, just, know, me, public, situation, social, social situation, want
If you burned CDs for the car so your original copies wouldn’t get scratched, it’s time to schedule your colonoscopy.

0

2 months ago

aging, car, cd, colonoscopy, health, humor, joke, life, life joke, medical, medical joke, original, protection, schedule, technology, time
Edging my house plants by putting them next to the window when it rains.

0

2 months ago

activity, funny activity, gardening, house, house plant, humor, indoor, indoor plant, light, nature, next, plant, plants, rain, window
Whether you rip off a bandaid quickly or slowly, I find it’s best to ask the wearer’s permission first.

0

2 months ago

ask, bandaid, best, consent, decision, humor, i, pain, permission, quick, slow
God forbid a girl uses shopping as her coping mechanism.

0

5 months ago

coping, coping mechanism, girl, God, humor, mechanism, relief, shopping, stress, stress relief
And no thanking Jesus unless he actually shows up at the ceremony.

0

2 months ago

appearance, belief, ceremony, humor, Jesus, shows, thank, wedding

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

23 shares on Facebook this month:

Being informed is the worst thing I’ve ever done for my mental health.

39 shares on Threads this month:

When someone says “I expected more of you”, I’m always like “well who’s fault is that?”

91 shares on Reddit this month:

Life is a highway: Too many cars, not enough bathrooms.

66 shares on Instagram this month:

Still can’t believe America has a federal holiday to celebrate the hit movie Independence Day.

94 shares on Facebook this month:

Don’t blame the alcohol. You were an idiot before you started drinking.

47 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Please don’t take illegal substances. Or at least, don’t take MY illegal substances.

58 shares on Discord this month:

I was having a great Friday until I found out it was Thursday.

24 shares on Facebook this month:

I can’t stand when people need constant validation online. Like, comment, and retweet if you agree.

80 shares on Threads this month:

Happy Earth Day. You don’t look a day over 4 billion years and get hotter every year.

80 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I love when someone is like “I’m funny because I have trauma and it’s a coping mechanism” and it’s like “Okay, not to add to your trauma, but you’re not funny!”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

Some people are so judgmental, I can tell by just looking at them.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

My tattoo means that I can’t be trusted with $200.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

People are too casual about the fact that parrots can talk.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

80% of arguments start because someone hasn’t eaten yet.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Turning regret into ulcers since the day I was born.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me I’m gonna say “I’m a biter” and see how it goes.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Females be cheating in healthy relationships, but are faithful in toxic ones.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

I know breakfastless behavior when I see it.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Roses are red, tacos are delicious. I use paper plates, ’cause I hate doing dishes.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Reddit:

Inflation is actually a good thing, it means money is going viral.

Breaking via Snapchat:

It’s just a matter of time until they add “syndrome” after my name.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

I already know how it will end. One of my children will unplug my life support to charge their phone.

Spotted on Threads:

I’ve woken up yet again without an emotional support capybara.

Just landed via Slack:

Tech bros are frequently wrong but never in doubt.

Breaking via Telegram:

Wrapping gifts on the floor after 50: 1% holiday spirit, 99% figuring out how to stand up without calling for help.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

How can vampires enjoy drinking our hot blood in the summer and other thoughts that keep me up at night.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Enjoy your time with me, because I love to disappear.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

The people who upload old movies to the internet are holding society together.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I’m nearly qualified to be a weaver. My final exam is looming.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I did not “try to rob a bank,” I just “aspired” to obtain more money.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

If you ever see me out in public, just know I don’t want to be there.

If you burned CDs for the car so your original copies wouldn’t get scratched, it’s time to schedule your colonoscopy.

Edging my house plants by putting them next to the window when it rains.

Whether you rip off a bandaid quickly or slowly, I find it’s best to ask the wearer’s permission first.

God forbid a girl uses shopping as her coping mechanism.

And no thanking Jesus unless he actually shows up at the ceremony.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨