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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

If you add orange juice to Jason Momoa, you get a Jason Mimosa.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

If a beer is 8 bucks, it’s a show. If a beer is 14 bucks, it’s a concert.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

You’ll be having a good day and then someone your age says they’re buying a house.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

I remember sex. That was cool.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

Being offline for so long gave me the time to appreciate what’s really important in life, so I’m back online.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

I’m not accepting the bare minimum; I need you to shake it to the max.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

Panda bears are proof that it’s okay to be kind of an idiot as long as you’re super adorable.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

According to my kids’ Christmas lists, they think this parenting gig pays pretty well.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

This gingerbread house isn’t even close to fire safety codes.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

Could you set a lightsaber on low and use it as a back scratcher?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,649

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Discord:

Me, on New Year’s Eve: I think instead of kissing at midnight, I’m just going to go outside and scream.

Just shared via YouTube:

The good news is cannon deaths have gone down dramatically in the last hundred years.

Going viral on Telegram:

Oligarchy sounds like something you dip your breadstick in at the olive garden.

Breaking via WeChat:

Can anyone recommend some good places for somebody just getting into visiting?

Making waves on Telegram:

I read somewhere on the internet that 87% of what you read on the internet isn’t true, and I believe it.

Going viral on YouTube:

August is technically summer, but spiritually fall.

Shared recently on Instagram:

My sex face is the same as my first pee in three hours face.

Making waves on Facebook:

Unfortunately, I don’t give ugly men a chance, because they wouldn’t give me one if I were the ugly one.

Trending via Pinterest:

People who sound like fonts: Ariana Grande. Roman Roy. Jim Courier. Lydia West. Bon Iver. Suella Braverman. Jesse Ventura.

Trending via X:

Apart from “It’s okay”, what other death threats do women use?

I don’t understand why my husband has to pay for a UFC fight when he could just throw one piece of candy on the floor in front of our kids.

2 months ago

0

I don’t understand why my husband has to pay for a UFC fight when he could just throw one piece of candy on the floor in front of our kids.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, why pay for a UFC fight when you can witness an epic battle for free right at home? 🍭💪 Kids vs Candy – the showdown of the century! Who needs Pay-Per-View when you have sweets hitting the floor like a cage match! 🔔🍬 #ParentingStruggles

candy, family, fight, floor, front, humor, husband, i, just, kids, parenting, pay, piece, throw, UFC, understand

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

It must be hard to be a rapper knowing at any moment your enemies may make beautiful poems about you.

0

2 months ago

beautiful, creativity, enemy, hard, humor, irony, moment, music, poems, poetry, rapper, rivalry
I was so locked in, to the point where we were tongue-kissing with morning breath.

0

2 months ago

breath, humor, i, intimacy, locked, morning, morning breath, point, romantic, tongue-kissing, where
The lion doesn’t concern itself with the contents of your prior email.

0

2 months ago

attitude, communication, concern, confidence, email, humor, lion, office, sarcasm
I handed in my exam blank so that the teacher has more time to celebrate Christmas with her family.

0

2 months ago

blank, celebrate, celebration, Christmas, exam, family, handed, humor, i, procrastination, teacher, time
Just peed so much that a little laugh came out.

0

2 months ago

accident, bodily, bodily function, came, embarrassment, function, humor, joke, just, laugh, little, pee
Clueless but committed – that’s my vibe.

0

2 months ago

clueless, committed, humor, self-deprecating, vibe

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

63 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sorry for my bad behavior. Mercury is in gatorade or whatever.

22 shares on X this month:

Most of my job is making things idiot proof, but they keep making better idiots.

81 shares on Twitch this month:

Ever since I was a little kid, I knew that I wanted to be late for work.

57 shares on Reddit this month:

I want to be a garbage man, so I only have to work one day a week.

55 shares on Pinterest this month:

True romantics have made peace with the possibility of lifelong solitude.

31 shares on Snapchat this month:

More candlelight, less gaslight, babe.

43 shares on YouTube this month:

Are you really a personal trainer or do you just want to wear shorts to work every day?

49 shares on Snapchat this month:

When a documentary starts with an old person going, ‘We’re a small town, we didn’t lock our doors at night,’ oh, we’re gonna find out what made them start.

79 shares on Twitch this month:

People be like, “I’m a work in progress” and never make any progress.

13 shares on Messenger this month:

A baby cow is called a calf because it’s half a cow. Half cow. Calf. No further questions.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

AI is trained on what we write, so if we want to save our jobs we should all write really badly for a while. I’ve been doing my bit for years.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I got Botox, and I asked the doctor, “How many years younger will this make me look?” and he was like, “Zero. You’ll just look like the other girls your age who have also gotten Botox.”

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Looking for someone to take to couples therapy and see how long it takes the therapist to notice we don’t know each other.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

The question is, what will kill humanity this century? Artificial intelligence or natural stupidity?

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Have you tried just not thinking about it? Like, ever again?

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I am not someone you have to entertain if you invite me, because I will have canceled.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I often got called “an old soul” and such like by adults when I was a child. I think this was a kind way of saying I was a sad little freak.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I postpone certain outfits until I get a certain hairstyle because, yes, it’s that deep.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Old age comes at a bad time. Once you finally know everything, you start to forget everything you know.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Few things in life are as disappointing as having to poop right after a shower.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,679

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

I think I’ll just let my jazz hands speak for themselves.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

Twitter is the only place where well-articulated sentences still get misinterpreted. You can say “I like pancakes,” and somebody will say, “So you hate waffles?”

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

I can be social. Today I meowed at my cat and he meowed back.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

One of the kids said, “Camping looks fun,” so tonight we’re watching The Revenant.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

I asked my doctor if I’m healthy enough for sex and he told me I’m not even sexy enough for health.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

Sometimes you just gotta say LOL and move on.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

“You live and you learn!” Bro, I don’t want to do either of those things.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

The number of times I stand in a room, staring because I forgot why I walked in there, is embarrassingly high.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

Gave my family the wrong address for our beach rental. Hoping to get a couple days in before they find me.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

I am crumbling under the tyranny of constantly needing to ‘Create an Account’.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via LinkedIn:

Sometimes I wish I could turn down the volume on certain people.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I feel like Mario has more raw prowess, but Luigi is probably the more sensual lover.

Just landed via Threads:

I showered with my boyfriend. My breasts have never been so clean! Wow!

Making waves on Threads:

The Recipe for Disaster in me, recognizes the Appetite for Destruction in you.

Shared recently on Messenger:

The female brain works like the internet. You can delete something, but it’s never really gone.

Making waves on Facebook:

I miss when The Weeknd made haunted strip club music. Didn’t know how good I had it.

Spotted on Discord:

My parents told me I could be anything I wanted so I became unacceptable.

Going viral on Reddit:

The other day, I got the crazy idea to see if I could still do a cartwheel. I can’t.

Live now on Messenger:

Signed an Executive Order that you have to give me a little forehead kiss.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

My brain at 2 a.m.: “You up?”

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