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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

When my friends and I talk about sex, it’s never sexual. It feels scientific, almost.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Whoever came up with the spelling for “receipt” was an idiopt.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

Felony Vandalism is a beautiful name for a girl.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

Nobody is busier than a woman who isn’t into you.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

Perks of being ugly: phone battery lasts longer.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

We went out on a boat to see whales and the crew encouraged us to clap and cheer for the whales and boo at the regular fish.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

Stop dating if you have no car.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

Reading about two insects who fall in love in Italy. It’s a Rome ants novel.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

My soulmate is chocolate cake.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

I’ve saved every episode of Hoarders.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,709

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

Hey, we’re calling off the search party. We found a different guy out there we like more.

Spotted on YouTube:

Seems like paleontologists always have a bone to pick.

Just landed via Facebook:

Mud season creeps up on us every year, destroying hearts and minds as well as light grey carpeting.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Okay, new plan, I’m going to marry a Kardashian.

Going bananas on Threads:

Hair is washed. I am finally lovable and capable of loving again.

Trending via Facebook:

I want to be the kind of person who eats half a grapefruit for breakfast and runs every morning, but I also want to be happy.

Live now on Reddit:

Nighttime is when I remember that one weird thing I said in 6th grade, and feel bad about it forever.

Going viral on Messenger:

I respectfully ignore DMs because I promise you, I am not your soulmate.

Just landed via Instagram:

Just blocked someone for correcting my spelling and it feelded great.

Freshly posted on Threads:

You don’t scare me. You’re not the evil eye I get from my dog when I make him get up from the couch so I can lay down.

I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.

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Commentary:
"Who needs a reason to eat cake when you can just make someone's imaginary birthday a daily celebration? It's like a delicious excuse to indulge in frosting and sprinkles, all in the name of spreading joy through sugar highs!"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

29 shares on Snapchat this month:

Masturbation is easy, but choosing a video is hard.

17 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Hey cell phone companies who play smooth jazz hold music hoping I’ll lose interest and give up: yeah, it’s kinda working.

35 shares on Twitch this month:

I really don’t get enough praise for someone who doesn’t need validation from others.

26 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m going to hell in every religion.

22 shares on X this month:

The fewer friends at your birthday party means more cake for you. Follow me for more life hacks.

95 shares on Slack this month:

There should be a socially acceptable way to say, “I’m not sure what to say to that. Can you please say something different?”.

51 shares on Instagram this month:

Sorry I’m unavailable… the horrors of reality insist upon themselves.

79 shares on Slack this month:

Before marrying someone, listen long and hard to the sounds of their chewing, because that’s the soundtrack to the rest of your life.

51 shares on Twitch this month:

Welcome to college, where every single person is smarter than you, except for the three people in your group project.

62 shares on TikTok this month:

Whenever someone tells me how well behaved my kids are, I say it’s cause they’re not at home.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

The good news is cannon deaths have gone down dramatically in the last hundred years.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Not all people have bad neighbors. The ones next door have a great one.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Cars should come with a secondary smaller “sorry” horn for when you do something a lil silly by accident.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Alexa, tell Roomba to get the spider.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Awkward is the new sexy. At least that’s what I’m telling myself, so I don’t cry in front of strangers.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Wow, another wooden ball. Would it kill avocado makers to put a different toy in there?

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Hardest part of beekeeping is thinking of all the names.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Doesn’t matter, Your Honor! I, for one, found it very funny.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Awkwardly stares into the abyss in between meetings.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,732

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

You try to fart in the toilet in the morning without waking the whole house and thanks to the brilliant acoustics of the toilet bowl, the horn of Gondor sounds.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

“It can’t get any worse than this”, I lie to myself knowing it will absolutely get worse.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

I wonder how many different vegetables they exploded before they discovered popcorn.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

Comments other people make during a movie are annoying. Comments I make during a movie enhance the experience.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

Therapy? You mean birdwatching.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

The biggest problem with finding another job is I don’t want one.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

I’m retired. I was tired yesterday and I’m tired again today.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

Been getting really into nothing.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

Hey! Sorry I missed your text, I am processing a non-stop 24/7 onslaught of information with a brain designed to eat berries in a cave.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

My problem is I always think I can get ready in 15 minutes when I have repeatedly proven that I can’t.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

Damn, didn’t win the lottery. It’s messing up my budget plan.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Gordon Ramsay is only funny because he’s not talking to me like that.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

If you see my account doing wild or out-of-character things, no worries. It’s not me, I routinely rent it out as an Airbnb.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Life is weird and then you die.

Just shared via Telegram:

Can we call situationships ‘affairs’ again? It sounds more adult and less desperate.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

That uncontrollable urge to hurt myself and others when a film’s subtitles are slightly out of sync.

Spotted on Messenger:

I think my soulmate might be carbs.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Somebody needs to get my shit together.

Shared recently on YouTube:

King Kong should’ve been able to find a better place to hide than the top of the tallest building in the middle of New York City.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Caesar, looking shocked: “Is it bring your knife to work day or something?”

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