I find that age is just a number, and the older you get, the number you get.

43 shares on Threads this month:

I don’t need a New Year’s resolution, it’s the year’s turn to be better.

12 shares on TikTok this month:

Introducing two cats is tedium. Not interested in your dumb politics just lick each other and be normal already.

73 shares on Discord this month:

Of course I wrote a grocery list. I carefully wrote it all down and then didn’t bring it with me, like my mother and her mother before her.

60 shares on Instagram this month:

Why is there a level 6 for toasters? As if someone thinks: “Tonight I’m really in the mood for ashes with butter!”

73 shares on Pinterest this month:

Stress in private, complain on Twitter, happy in public.

54 shares on Facebook this month:

It’s jarring for me when there are British people in the Midwest. How did you get this far inland?

61 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’ve got a couple of eyebrow hairs that want me to be a villain.

33 shares on Snapchat this month:

Thank you, God, for another day. Let’s get this 12-hour screen time.

70 shares on Snapchat this month:

A McRib killed my tapeworm.

30 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I just think we should kiss. And kiss and kiss and kiss and kiss and kiss. But that’s just me.