Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

As an exorcist, whenever I hear of some new poor soul possessed by a demon, all I can think is Ka-Ching!

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

When someone dies people say “he’s going to meet his Maker”. No he’s not. God doesn’t mingle with the staff.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

Can someone come over and take this phone away from me?

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Retiring my wallet condom after two years of active duty. 87 tours with 0 combat deployments.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

I’m actually really peace-loving, but then there are other people.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

One of the top features of squirrels, for me, has got to be that squirreliness.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

Tinder is a food delivery app if you’re good at it.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

“Excuse me, are you gonna finish those fries?” Me, interrupting a couple fighting.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

Never underestimate the healing power of not watching the news.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

One of my biggest faults is that when I ask someone their name, I forget to listen to what their name is.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,449

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via TikTok:

My wife called to tell me she saw a fox on the way to work. I asked her how she knew it was on its way to work. She hung up on me.

Making waves on Twitch:

Twitter is evidence that insane people can be extremely entertaining from a safe distance.

Trending via Slack:

Welcome to adulthood: your chin looks lonely, here’s another one.

Spotted on Discord:

“Well, at least things can’t get any worse” has turned out to be a failure of my imagination.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Butterflies all seem so nice but I’ll bet some of them are real bastards.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Wishing all the contacts in my phone “Merry Christmas, I hope you get what you deserve” and just letting that work itself out.

Making waves on Messenger:

A man outside Boots told me that Jesus died for my sins. Thanks for spoiling the end of the Bible. I was only up to the bit with the fish.

Making waves on X:

I know so many people with cats, and only a tiny number of them went to a shelter and picked out a cat. Everyone else I know with a cat has a story that’s like, ‘Yeah, he just moved in.’

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I wish I were a wild horse in Kazakhstan. That would fix everything.

Just shared via Twitch:

Hired a financial advisor, and his first piece of advice was that I don’t make nearly enough money to justify paying a financial advisor.

I had a marvelous time ruining everything.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like you won the gold medal at the Chaos Olympics! 🏆😂🎉

everything, fun, humor, i, irony, marvelous, marvelous time, ruining, sarcasm, time

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If buying isn’t owning, then pirating isn’t stealing.

0

4 weeks ago

buying, humor, ownership, owning, piracy, pirating, stealing, wordplay
It’s only 9am and I’ve already ruined my son’s entire life by giving him the banana with the brown spot on it.

0

2 months ago

banana, brown, brown spot, family, food, giving, humor, life, mistake, morning, parenting, son, spot
My neighbor won’t stop talking about his Rolex and I can’t believe someone stole it tomorrow.

0

2 months ago

believe, humor, i, neighbor, Rolex, someone, stole, stop, talking, tomorrow
Sometimes I do random acts of kindness, like keeping my mouth shut, for example.

0

2 months ago

behavior, example, humor, i, kindness, mouth, random, sarcasm, self-deprecating, shut, silence, social, social behavior, sometimes, wit
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren’t happy.

0

2 months ago

dwarf, happiness, happy, humor, joke, melancholy, statistic, statistically
I’m inventing a website for unemployed people called LinkedOut.

0

1 month ago

called, humor, invention, job, network, people, pun, social, social network, unemployed, website

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

37 shares on Discord this month:

Jane Austen gave us men who crossed fields in the rain. Mine left me on read, and liked someone else’s story.

28 shares on Slack this month:

When the salesman from the hearing aid company calls, I stay on the line and answer every question with ‘What?’

50 shares on WeChat this month:

Dear LOL, thanks for being there when I have nothing else to say.

90 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Dear Math, I don’t want to solve your problem, I have my own problems to solve.

11 shares on TikTok this month:

Google Maps should start screaming the more wrong turns you make.

90 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m gonna start telling men I know a spot and it’s just me dropping them off at therapy.

61 shares on Telegram this month:

“I saw your ex!” A very unnecessary piece of information.

26 shares on YouTube this month:

Ever since I was a little girl I knew I wanted to leave work early.

75 shares on Threads this month:

The secret to being a private person is to overshare dumb shit so people think you are an open book but then not tell them any of the important details of your life.

17 shares on Messenger this month:

Fifty shades of I miss you.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

The only thing I miss all day is my bed.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m really getting tired of being a responsible adult.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

It’s getting slide guitar and harmonica hot outside.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

I might be late to a lot of places, but the airport is not one of them.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

Whenever my hormones try to get me to reproduce after all, I go to IKEA and watch the goings-on there. After that, I’m good again.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

All this overthinking, and I still make the worst decisions.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

I’m not here to make friends, just noise.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

Me leaving the house: I hope I don’t see anyone.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

Why does everyone force introverts to leave their comfort zone, but no one forces extroverts to shut up for a while?

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Potato chips ARE vegetables! I exclaim as I tear open the third bag.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Every morning, the cat watches me make coffee and asks if we can go sit out on the balcony to watch the birds, and every morning I say, yes, of course, let’s.

Breaking via Pinterest:

The woman that cleaned my house could make a lot of money by threatening to release the before and after photos.

Trending via Messenger:

One year older today, and still no closer to growing up.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

You either have a full ketchup bottle in your house or an almost empty one. There’s no in-between.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

No one warned me that being an adult was mostly just hurrying up to get somewhere you don’t want to go in the first place.

Shared recently on Reddit:

You ever see a woman so beautiful it makes you momentarily mentally ill?

Freshly posted on TikTok:

If you pass out in front of your kids they will either try to call an ambulance or use you as a trampoline. You just don’t know.

Seen just now on WeChat:

RIP to everyone killed by the Gods for their hubris, but I’m different. And better. Maybe even better than the Gods.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

My favorite pastime is looking for meaning where there is none.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I had a marvelous time ruining everything.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

If buying isn’t owning, then pirating isn’t stealing.

It’s only 9am and I’ve already ruined my son’s entire life by giving him the banana with the brown spot on it.

My neighbor won’t stop talking about his Rolex and I can’t believe someone stole it tomorrow.

Sometimes I do random acts of kindness, like keeping my mouth shut, for example.

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren’t happy.

I’m inventing a website for unemployed people called LinkedOut.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨