Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

Today I choose kindness, but we’ll see, it’s still early.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

I’m that person who will restart a song because I got distracted and wasn’t appreciating it enough.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

The biggest first-world problem is having your favorite makeup product be discontinued.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

Wow, pretty rude for people to exist who are younger and hotter than me, but OK.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

I have an addiction to pattern recognition.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

Dearest, I beg of you, sleep properly and go for walks.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

I thought my wrinkles were finally getting smaller, but it turns out my eyes were just getting worse.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

I’ve been called a lot of things in my life, but nothing worse than being called on the phone.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

When did making sense stop making sense?

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

Sure sex is cool, but have you ever farted away a stomachache?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,371

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Discord:

Picking up women at the bar and then gently setting them down.

Making waves on Messenger:

It’s a paradox that your nose is running and your feet smell.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Can we normalize arguing with little kids? They’re so rude.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Pleasantly surprised to discover the treadmill I bought came with a remote control, so I can run it from my recliner.

Trending via Slack:

I don’t give people directions. What if no one wants them there?

Seen just now on Twitch:

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right louder.

Shared recently on Discord:

Looking for someone whose favorite thing to do is nothing. No hiking. No adventure. Just bed rot.

Freshly posted on X:

Humble enough to know I can be replaced, but wise enough to know ain’t nobody else like me.

Spotted on Threads:

Easy there, unsaved number.

Making waves on Discord:

Don’t let anyone treat you like pond water. You are Fiji water, okay?

I have no issue with people talking in the morning. But not with me, please!

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Rise and shine, but save the chit-chat for your morning coffee ☕️ Let's keep those morning vibes peaceful and quiet, shall we? 🤫😂"

humor, i, interaction, issue, me, morning, people, preference, silence, social, social interaction, talking

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I am the opposite of artificial intelligence. I am authentic stupidity.

0

2 months ago

am, artificial, authentic, authenticity, humor, i, intelligence, irony, opposite, self-deprecation, stupidity
You wish you had this many chins.

0

2 months ago

body, body positivity, chin, funny remark, humor, positivity, remark, self-deprecation, wish
“You look tired”. No, I’m just ugly.

0

2 months ago

appearance, honesty, humor, just, sarcasm, self-deprecation, tired, ugly
The umbrella was going to be called brella, but the inventor hesitated.

0

2 months ago

brella, creation, going, hesitation, humor, inventor, naming, umbrella, wordplay
Don’t interrupt me while I’m embarrassing myself.

0

2 months ago

awkwardness, embarrassing, embarrassment, funny moment, humor, interrupt, interruption, me, moment, myself, self-deprecation, situation, social, social situation
Adulthood is just waking up tired one day, and then being tired forever after that.

0

2 months ago

adulthood, after, being, day, exhaustion, fatigue, forever, humor, just, life, tired, waking, waking up

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

12 shares on Instagram this month:

The Christmas tree I’ve had up all year makes a lot more sense now.

91 shares on Messenger this month:

Monday is already sending me threatening glances from across the room.

83 shares on Instagram this month:

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $1 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst anniversary gifts ever.

46 shares on LinkedIn this month:

To the people who have only fans, what’s stopping you from upgrading to an air conditioner?

58 shares on Snapchat this month:

I put my bathroom scale in the corner, and that’s where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

24 shares on Pinterest this month:

Geometry is a scam. What do you mean “prove it’s a triangle”? Just look at it.

41 shares on Messenger this month:

Washing mushrooms is the quickest way to figure out exactly how much dirt you’re okay with eating.

96 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Does anyone want to fall in love and split rent with me?

67 shares on Facebook this month:

I have a complicated relationship with push/pull doors.

11 shares on Telegram this month:

Could a mosquito drink blood out of a cup or something or are they legally required to Capri Sun my legs all summer?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

I’m an atheist, so if you send prayers, I’ll send thoughts.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

An app where you and your partner swipe left and right on restaurants until there’s a match. No talking, no negotiation. Who’s building this?

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

Not to be dramatic, but when I accidentally save a file twice and it adds that (1) at the end, it is the worst moment of my life.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

Is it ‘My wife and I’ or ‘Me and my wife’? Anyway, we just robbed a liquor store.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Sorry I’m late, there was bubble wrap.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Mercury retrograde: because adulting is hard, and sometimes you just need a celestial excuse.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

I like my Jims slim and my chances fat.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

I’m at that age where someone can call me the wrong name and I’m just like “whatever, I’ll be Dan for a minute”.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

I’m convinced that if Earth explodes, all the cats will land safely on the moon, on their feet.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

Don’t worry. You’re exactly where you should be in life. Because you’ve made horrible choices.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Me: I love you more than a flower loves the sun. Him: I love you more than a teenager loves his phone.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Some people call me crazy. I prefer the term happy with a twist.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I’m perverted, but in an elegant and whimsical way.

Making waves on X:

As a student, the most comforting words you’ll ever hear are “I haven’t started either.”

Seen just now on Pinterest:

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $2 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst birthday presents ever.

Just shared via X:

What’s a polite way to tell someone you hope they get mauled by a bear?

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Handyman to customer: If I had wanted you to watch me work, I would have become an actor.

Just landed via YouTube:

Turns out my superpower is the ability to go into incredible detail in completely the wrong direction.

Broadcasted on X:

Hey! Sorry I missed your text, I am processing a non-stop 24/7 onslaught of information with a brain designed to eat berries in a cave.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Handing over my ID at the post office. The clerk said, “You’ve aged quite a bit since this photo was taken.” I said, “Yes, I had it taken just before I joined this queue.”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I have no issue with people talking in the morning. But not with me, please!

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I am the opposite of artificial intelligence. I am authentic stupidity.

You wish you had this many chins.

“You look tired”. No, I’m just ugly.

The umbrella was going to be called brella, but the inventor hesitated.

Don’t interrupt me while I’m embarrassing myself.

Adulthood is just waking up tired one day, and then being tired forever after that.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨