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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

I hate it when I’m outside, and an insect lands and crawls on my glasses, and for a split second, I think aliens have invaded.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

Insulting me won’t work. I already said that to myself earlier.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

One thing that could really “level-up” the experience of being a pedestrian would be if cars had some kind of feature that could indicate whether or not they were going to turn in a particular direction.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

The longer you go without something, the more comfortable you become without it. That goes for people, too.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Every squad has that person who has to go home early.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

A girl, her bed, and TV series on a Friday evening is a true love story.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

Eating healthy requires a second job.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

My bank account and I are no longer on speaking terms.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

I’ve woken up yet again without an emotional support capybara.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

I don’t have a yoga mat, but I have a Twister mat, and it’s the same thing.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

241 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,510

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,510

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,519

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

Welcome to your 40s: you get tired from sleeping now.

Seen just now on Slack:

Where do we acquire the ducks that we’re supposed to be putting in a row?

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I’m starting to think that the secret to having a happy life is avoiding people.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

My husband sure has a lot of opinions on which movie he’s gonna sleep through.

Just shared via Messenger:

Current relationship status: sleeping diagonally across the bed.

Just shared via Threads:

I took some free community martial arts lessons for self-defense, but I’m starting to think Tai Chi is too slow for most muggers.

Breaking via Reddit:

Called in, “I put the lime in the coconut and drank it all up.”

Just landed via WeChat:

Imagine working at Pornhub. At like the corporate office as a developer or whatever. White collar. That’s gotta be a weird job. Working there has gotta be bloody weird.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

My dream is to buy a horse and race it. The horse will probably beat me but it’ll still be fun.

Freshly posted on X:

I know breakfastless behavior when I see it.

I like my Jims slim and my chances fat.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"I like my Jims slim and my chances fat… well, who wouldn't want a slim Jim and a chunky opportunity? 🤣💪 #LifeChoices"

chances, fat, humor, i, irony, Jim, preferences, slim

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

There are beautiful horny women (me) being forced into celibacy due to the utter lack of worthy men in existence. This is the world we are living in now.

0

4 weeks ago

beautiful, being, celibacy, dating, due, existence, forced, frustration, horny, humor, lack, life, living, man, me, men, modern, modern life, woman, women, world, worthy, worthy man
Introverts have fun, too — we just don’t care if you know.

0

2 months ago

behavior, care, fun, humor, introvert, just, know, privacy, social, social behavior, too
Going to hack Kanye’s account and make him post something normal.

0

2 months ago

account, celebrity, going, hack, humor, joke, Kanye, media, normal, post, social, social media, something
I was actually about to do a workout when the couch threw itself protectively under me.

0

2 months ago

actually, couch, exercise, humor, i, laziness, me, procrastination, protection, under, workout
Touched a tree and accidentally absorbed 400 years of wisdom and 2 squirrel secrets.

0

6 months ago

2, accidental, accidentally, humor, nature, secret, secrets, squirrel, supernatural, tree, wisdom
I wish my wife’s sighs came with subtitles.

0

2 months ago

came, communication, humor, i, relationship, sigh, subtitles, wife, wish

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on Snapchat this month:

I love eating fast food and getting big and fat. It’s amazing.

61 shares on Discord this month:

I get it, credit cards, I’ve reached my limit too.

12 shares on YouTube this month:

Coffee just tastes better when you are the only one awake in the morning.

58 shares on TikTok this month:

Babies sighing is so funny to me. My dear, the time to sigh has not come.

100 shares on Slack this month:

An evil genius rising to a position of power is bad but it makes sense at least. Feels insulting we’re constantly seeing evil idiots doing it instead.

14 shares on Telegram this month:

It’s like no one in my family appreciates that I stayed up all night overthinking for them.

54 shares on WhatsApp this month:

None of this is happening. It’s all in your phone.

16 shares on WeChat this month:

A credit card is kind of like a gift card to every store.

57 shares on Snapchat this month:

Let’s get married and have kids, so instead of relaxing during weeknights, we can go to seven practices and relearn algebra.

97 shares on Discord this month:

If I eat a magnet, will I become more attractive?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Even in my early 20’s, I was diagnosed with late stage 40’s.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

I’m stuck between “I need to save money” and “You only live once.”

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Adding geologist to my resume after hitting rock bottom.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

If I were a bird, you’d be the first person I’d shit on.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

Just learned in psychology that when a man goes to sleep first, it’s because he’s comfortable around you and wants you to go through his phone.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

Cats are probably like: Oh, I should follow you on Litterboxd.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

My dad once sneezed so hard that he set every clock back two hours.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

Whenever І wake up and see that someone has wrіtten a bunch of funny posts before noon, І assume they are a mornіng drіnker.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

I’m not here to offend anyone; I’m here to offend everyone.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

Just because I’m smiling doesn’t mean I like you, I might be picturing you on fire.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on X:

Unfortunately for the haters, I will continue to keep being me.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Does anyone want to fall in love and split rent with me?

Seen just now on Discord:

I’m not drinking 2% milk until we figure out what the other 98% is.

Just landed via Reddit:

Nobody cleans better than someone who’s pissed off.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

There is no bigger day for microwaves than the 26th day of December. This is their Olympics.

Going bananas on WeChat:

I bought a bag of M&M’s and they don’t have M’s anymore. They all have W’s, for woke.

Going viral on YouTube:

Don’t be part of the problem. Be all of it.

Just shared via WeChat:

Schedule your appointment early in the month before your dentist starts fretting about their next boat payment.

Breaking via Telegram:

I’ve heard that people who don’t have Facebook use their free time to lie naked on top of each other. Ew, imagine that.

Going viral on WeChat:

I get it, orcas. Sometimes you just need to ruin a yacht to feel something.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I like my Jims slim and my chances fat.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

There are beautiful horny women (me) being forced into celibacy due to the utter lack of worthy men in existence. This is the world we are living in now.

Introverts have fun, too — we just don’t care if you know.

Going to hack Kanye’s account and make him post something normal.

I was actually about to do a workout when the couch threw itself protectively under me.

Touched a tree and accidentally absorbed 400 years of wisdom and 2 squirrel secrets.

I wish my wife’s sighs came with subtitles.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨