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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

Learning to be Alpha from YouTube.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

The amount I’m sighing these days could fuel a small wind farm.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

Adults should get spring break from their jobs.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

Not to brag but I don’t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

Sometimes my greatest accomplishment is keeping my mouth shut.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

Not sure how to flirt, but I can make things awkward if you’re into that.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Having hoes in different area codes sounds really exhausting.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

My shadow quit because I’m too boring.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

I accidentally take a screenshot of my phone background at least once a week.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

80 years from now, this comment section will be full of dead people. Write anything you want.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,498

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

I try to find the good in every situation. Wait, no – that was a typo. Food. I try to find the food in every situation.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Asking doctors about nutrition is like asking software engineers about printers, they really have no idea.

Breaking via Instagram:

I love when women have one daughter as their only child. It’s so incredibly chic.

Live now on Twitch:

When I’m done eating… I have to show my hands to my cat, like I’m a blackjack dealer.

Making waves on Threads:

Okay, seen enough, someone put a blanket over my cage.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Kinda worried about something. Don’t know what it is yet.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Hannibal Lecter didn’t have to be a serial killer, he was scary enough as a foodie.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

What kind of psychopath wants to be the life of the party?

Shared recently on Messenger:

Sundays are weird. You want to relax, but your brain’s like, “Shouldn’t you be panicking about something?”

Making waves on Instagram:

My doctor told me “good luck” and gave me finger guns, so obviously I’m dying.

I look stable, but I talk to animals, and wait for them to reply.

Playful quote about pretending stability while chatting with imaginary animal friends.
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Commentary:
Just waiting for my dog to text me back… any minute now! 🐶📱😂

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Social Media Stars ⭐

44 shares on Discord this month:

I’m at the age when riding around town, I say, “When did they build that?”

19 shares on Slack this month:

When phones were tied with wires, people were free. Now that phones are wireless, people are tied.

100 shares on Facebook this month:

Nightmares are so embarrassing. Why is my anxiety working the night shift?

46 shares on Slack this month:

Relationship status: you’d think something called a Roomba would be a better dancer.

82 shares on Pinterest this month:

Okay, new plan, I’m going to marry a Kardashian.

13 shares on WeChat this month:

“Age is just a number!” Yeah, the older I get, the number I feel.

29 shares on Twitch this month:

You come from dust and you’ll return to dust, so that’s why I never dust. It could be someone I know.

48 shares on TikTok this month:

It’s a good thing Titanic is only a movie. A lot of people would’ve died.

75 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m so desperate for a vacation that at this point I’d spend an all inclusive week at Jurassic Park.

77 shares on Instagram this month:

Don’t blame the alcohol. You were an idiot before you started drinking.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

You have hopes and dreams. I have nopes and screams.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve always known I wanted to be a woman with a lot of money when I grew up.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Back in my day, we had to walk to the TV to change the channel. Uphill, both ways!

16 folks are currently checking 👀

My teenager has really expensive taste for someone who can’t afford to buy their own toothpaste.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite 90s skill: Uninstalling my car stereo and hiding it in my glove box in under 15 seconds.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Seaweed is great for when you want to eat pure salt but wish it had the texture of slime.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Life hack: You can turn your ordinary sofa into a sofa bed by simply forgetting your wife’s birthday.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Tuesday is just another Monday, but reheated.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Losing and then immediately gaining weight is my superpower.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,325

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

Accidentally turned my clocks back too far and ended up at a Wham concert.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Nobody gives me butterflies anymore. Y’all just give me brain damage.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

Maybe the problem is that I’m cooler than any man I’ve ever met.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

Moving houses/apartments gotta be top 3 worst human experiences.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

Driving is great because it combines my love of sitting with my love of being mad.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

“Lmao” has survived and even thrived over the years, but its cousin “rofl” has faded into indignity. The cruelty of fate.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

God: “Free will was a bad idea. I should have charged for it.”

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

I suppose someone has to do all the consuming and obeying.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

Being sober would be a lot easier if I liked myself.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

I’m gonna start sending women unsolicited pizza pics.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

God’s plan for me does not involve LinkedIn at all.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

At some point, my colleagues will manage to get me my own true crime documentary on Netflix.

Making waves on Facebook:

Super quick question: does anyone know what the point is?

Making waves on YouTube:

Petition to allow customer service employees to fight at least one customer per day.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.

Going bananas on TikTok:

When you want to feel at your thinnest, walk through Walmart at any time of day.

Freshly posted on X:

If the zombie apocalypse happens we’re double screwed because there are millions on record as having no brain.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Going back on a dating app is the new walk of shame.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Every outdoor cat should be given a little cowboy hat and a gun.

Just shared via YouTube:

This entire month could’ve been an email.

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