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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡· has downloaded:

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Someone from πŸ‡ΏπŸ‡² has downloaded:

Not trying to brag but this cop says my rear end is smoking.

Someone from πŸ‡ΌπŸ‡Έ has shared:

My biggest sexual fantasy is someone throwing a million dollars on my naked body and then leaving me alone.

Someone from πŸ‡―πŸ‡΄ has copied:

Zelda was easier as a kid because if you hit a hard puzzle, you could just wait a few days for more brain matter to come in, but now it’s the opposite.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡· has viewed:

Born to be a hater but forced to understand where you’re coming from.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡Ώ has copied:

I followed my heart, and it led me to the fridge.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Ύ has shared:

Books are so cool because there are no bloody ads in them.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡° has shared:

Caffeine isn’t cutting it anymore. I need to eat a gun.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡· has viewed:

If a vegetarian who eats fish is a pescatarian, is a vegetarian who eats chicken called a poultrygeist?

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ά has viewed:

Nasa is launching a satellite to say sorry to the aliens. They’re calling it the Apollo G.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,628

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Trending via X:

Stop telling everyone I’m posting from earth. People don’t need to know where I live.

Breaking via Reddit:

I was blinded by a goddamn deer with a shiny red nose… No, officer, I haven’t been drinking.

Just shared via YouTube:

I’m so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed.

Trending via Pinterest:

I miss being the age where the most devastating thing in the world was when my sandwiches got cut into squares instead of triangles.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Life is hard. It is harder if you are stupid.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Bitcoin is just Kohl’s Cash for boys.

Trending via Slack:

To be fair, a dumpster is like one of the safest places to have a fire.

Making waves on Snapchat:

When the blood pressure machine comes out for one person, the whole family has to get involved.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Years of personal growth can be unraveled in 2 days at your parents’ house.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

You can always tell when someone is on a diet by how they scrape every last bit from that yogurt container.

I made a clone of myself to do the dishes, another to do the laundry, and another to do the cooking, but we’re all sitting on the couch watching TV.

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I made a clone of myself to do the dishes, another to do the laundry, and another to do the cooking, but we’re all sitting on the couch watching TV.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like the clones unionized for a sit-in protest on the couch! πŸ€£πŸ›‹οΈ At least they can bond over their mutual laziness and love for TV shows. Maybe they can start a club for clones who'd rather binge-watch than do chores! πŸ“ΊπŸΏ

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Welcome to Wordgag! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

Social Media Stars ⭐

81 shares on Facebook this month:

Getting older just means that you have to start eating all the sad foods.

85 shares on YouTube this month:

Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you’re up to.

28 shares on Snapchat this month:

Dating scene and the job market are the same right now, just stay where you are.

77 shares on Messenger this month:

I never forget to eat, but I do eat to forget.

64 shares on Twitch this month:

I am AOL Instant Messenger years old.

17 shares on Telegram this month:

Jurassic Park came out decades ago, and now I feel like a fossil.

38 shares on X this month:

Whoever first said, β€œIt gets to a point,” was definitely at that point, and I feel them deeply.

22 shares on Messenger this month:

If at first you don’t succeed, it’s only attempted murder.

31 shares on Snapchat this month:

I don’t mean to brag, but I can forget what I’m saying while I’m saying it.

58 shares on Discord this month:

What can I buy my wife for Valentine’s Day that finally proves to her once and for all that I have absolutely no idea what she likes or who she is?

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

13 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Stay humble, you are someone’s weird coworker.

18 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If you think my posts are horrid, wait until you see the live stream of my colonoscopy.

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

My dating era has come to an end. I’d like to thank those who participated.

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I hate it when I imagine how a conversation will go and then in the actual conversation the person goes off script. That’s not your line, man.

18 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’m really hoping money falls from the sky this week, or else I’m doomed.

21 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Pressure washing is like regular washing but with a lot of yelling and tight deadlines.

16 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Whoever named the meatball absolutely nailed it.

25 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries: it fills you up nicely but without the buzz…

17 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

The way my phone’s facial recognition pretends not to recognize me, you’d think I dated it.

8 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Jacket I left on a chair that sometimes looks like a person at night stuns in new evening nightmare.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,229

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡§ has bookmarked:

Behind every funny man is a woman who rolls her eyes.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡³ has shared:

Sorry I’m late. My catapult malfunctioned.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡­ has copied:

Alcohol: When you want to run away from your problems without moving.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡¬ has bookmarked:

I feel like everyone who has ever had a hamster has some kind of traumatic experience with it.

Someone from πŸ‡―πŸ‡² has downloaded:

I always set two alarms, one for β€œGood Intentions Me” and one for β€œThe Real Me”

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡· has viewed:

I really don’t care what happens to me romantically anymore.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡¦ has bookmarked:

It’s not sleeping alone if there are crumbs in your bed.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡¬ has downloaded:

If onion powder is dehydrated onions blitzed into powder, how much onion powder would I need to consume to have eaten a whole onion?

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡² has downloaded:

Am I the only person who hates spending the night at someone’s place? Like, we can hang out until 3 a.m., but I’m still going home.

Someone from πŸ‡­πŸ‡Ί has bookmarked:

I only trust people who give off unemployable energy.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Do you ever restart the dryer because you don’t feel like folding the clothes yet?

Shared recently on TikTok:

β€œGod has a plan for you.” OK, is God open to a little feedback?

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Stop dating if you have no car.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

When your kid asks you where the other parent is, they’re really saying that they’d like to speak with the manager.

Making waves on Facebook:

I think I look pretty okay for my age. It’s just when I hold menus two feet from my face that I know the ruse is up.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Women’s skincare is so confusing. Am I supposed to look shiny and sweaty, or matte like cement?

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Someday I’ll learn how to emotion like a proper human.

Breaking via X:

A frittata is just an omelette for people too lazy to flip things.

Just landed via X:

Man, these end times are taking forever.

Going viral on Slack:

I could easily win an Oscar, I just have other things going on right now.

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