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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

There are beautiful horny women (me) being forced into celibacy due to the utter lack of worthy men in existence. This is the world we are living in now.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

Why do people think it’s ok to ask why a person is single? I don’t ask why you’re unhappily married.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

Long distance relationships can work if the four of you all truly trust each other.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

You can’t convince me that 2020 didn’t open a portal to hell that we’re still living in.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

Reading Shakespeare for the first time is crazy because you go, “Oh, that’s where that comes from,” every other page.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Steve Jobs was a vibe coder. He just prompted Steve Wozniak.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

I have a question and my question is, how can I look so cute in the mirror but like such a baked potato in pictures?

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

I hate being around people who mistake my childlike wonder as naivety or weakness. I am simply a war general who loves to giggle.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

Pumpkin spice season comes earlier every year and yet some still deny climate change.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

I’ve decided to become an organ donor. When I die, I want an elephant to get a new trunk.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,608

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Discord:

Don’t disrespect me and then be the moral compass on how I respond.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Petition to allow customer service employees to fight at least one customer per day.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

I really miss kissing. I hope next year favors my lips.

Going viral on Pinterest:

If your god commands you to kill others, find another god.

Seen just now on Slack:

Big fan of the comma, just great. Like look, I just made you pause the sentence as you read it. Oh look, I just did it again.

Breaking via Reddit:

Worst part about job hunting is knowing you don’t want one.

Just shared via Instagram:

Welcome to Twitter, some random, judgmental stranger will be along shortly to complain about your tweets.

Spotted on Slack:

I know Jesus was a carpenter, but I think he would’ve been a better plumber, you know, with the water thing.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

A thousand curses upon anyone who has ever gone, “Why are you sitting in the dark?” and then flipped the light on without asking.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

The morning routine that takes the longest: finding the will to live.

I noticed my mouse problem is back an I yelled at my cats for being lazy and not doing their job, like I was in a Tom and Jerry cartoon.

2 weeks ago

Funny text about pet antics, imagining cats as lazy workers in a playful cartoon style.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like we've got a real-life Tom and Jerry situation on our hands! 🐭🐱 Who knew cats had unionized and are now protesting against their job descriptions? 🙀 Time to call in the cat union rep for some serious negotiations! 😹 #LazyCatsAnonymous

back, being, cartoon, cat, cats, doing, humor, i, jerry, job, lazy, mouse, noticed, pets, problem, tom, Tom and Jerry, yelling

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

85 shares on Slack this month:

The pizza delivery guys say “see you tomorrow” to everyone, right?

36 shares on TikTok this month:

I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers. The Times are rough.

29 shares on Twitch this month:

Let’s all be grateful for a moment that stupidity is not contagious.

42 shares on YouTube this month:

The nerve of a majority of people I meet being younger than me. How dare them?

63 shares on Discord this month:

“Well, at least tomorrow is Friday.” -Me, having a bad Wednesday that’s about to get even worse.

14 shares on Messenger this month:

Quitting my job to focus on staying inside.

71 shares on TikTok this month:

Sounds like you are suffering from a lack of vitamin Me.

81 shares on Facebook this month:

Unfollowing high school people really is a form of self-care.

27 shares on Threads this month:

Someone asked me what my hobby was and I realized that my favorite hobby is doing absolutely nothing.

54 shares on YouTube this month:

Boys say that girls are dramatic, but have you ever plucked a man’s eyebrow? They act like they’ve been shot.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Bro, did you really just mix up e.g. and i.e. in front of the hoes?

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Sane is boring.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I become someone I don’t recognize when I play Monopoly.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

This is the fastest December in the history of all December.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Totally unrealistic movie title: “The Postman Always Rings Twice”. We all know that these guys only ring once and then leave.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I put my bathroom scale in the corner, and that’s where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Slapping the TV remote on your knee extends the battery life. It’s science.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m in my thirties, but I still feel like I am in my twenties; then I hang out with people in their twenties, and I’m like nope, definitely in my thirties.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

You aren’t from the Midwest unless you can spin out in the snow, regain control and keep driving like nothing happened.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

None of the Instagram story fonts represent me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,356

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

People always love to claim that a celebrity’s death is “unexpected”, but they never actually release the data on which celebrities they expected to die that day.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

“So if I had kids, my kids would never…” Spoiler: Yes, they would.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

There should be a true crime story about feeding someone a peanut butter sandwich and giving them nothing to drink.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m never single for too long, you gotta catch me while you can.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

I was a nothingburger to him, but he was an everything bagel to me…

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

The real anti-aging regimen is retaining your childlike wonder and whimsy.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

If you’re not dropping it like it’s hot, then what the hell are you doing?

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

An entire generation is currently studying for jobs that will not exist.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

My New Year’s resolution is to be less presumptuous and rude to others. I’ll bet yours is to lose weight, isn’t it?

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

Me liking your post is the equivalent of an angel kissing your forehead.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WeChat:

I composed this post in a way that only the sexy can read it, so congratulations.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

My best friend is married and buying a house. I ate popcorn for dinner.

Just landed via Discord:

Sure, I’m uncomfortable, but only in situations.

Spotted on TikTok:

Adulthood is basically just trying to fall asleep at night and stay awake during the day.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I think you misunderstood – when I said, “Let me look into it,” that meant, “I don’t know exactly how to tell you no just yet.”

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I think some outfits just aren’t meant to be worn unless you’re getting straight into a car.

Shared recently on Threads:

Having a mom who cooks good food is such a big flex.

Live now on X:

Two reasons you never date at work: 1. HR frowns upon it. 2. Your partner gets super pissed.

Going bananas on TikTok:

I don’t understand, “kill them with kindness”; can I use a lightsaber instead?

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I’m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.

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