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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡Ώ has copied:

My best three minutes of sleep are the ones right before the alarm goes off.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Ύ has shared:

Apologies about the delay to your flight. We’re just waiting for one 3D printed part, but apparently a ‘fuselage’ takes a little time.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡© has bookmarked:

I’m a total go with the flow kinda person as long as the flow is meticulously scheduled well in advance and there are no mid-flow changes whatsoever.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡» has copied:

I hope this email punches you square in the face.

Someone from πŸ‡΄πŸ‡² has shared:

My tapeworm is starting a podcast about the McRib.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡¨ has bookmarked:

Nothing is worse than seeing a gorgeous girl that I’d never approach or stand a chance with and then finding out she has a boyfriend.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡» has copied:

I was sad, but then I ordered some new clothes. I’m okay now.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Ώ has shared:

Anyone else who tells their pets every time they leave the house that they’ll be back soon?

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡ͺ has shared:

Need a professional way to say, “I do not care, don’t mention this to me again.”

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡ͺ has copied:

A credit card is kind of like a gift card to every store.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,511

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I miss when 1K was a lot of money.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Things were better when the computer lived in its own specific room, and you only went in there sometimes.

Just landed via WeChat:

My toxic trait is consistently cutting off the resealable part of the bag of frozen vegetables.

Broadcasted on Slack:

The final level of being smart is just pretending you don’t know anything to make your life easier.

Trending via WeChat:

If I say, “First of all,” run away, because I have prepared peer-reviewed research, data, and charts, and I will destroy you.

Spotted on Threads:

On today’s family vacation agenda: my parents read the internet out loud.

Trending via WhatsApp:

It’s not too early to go to sleep. Too early only applies to waking up.

Just shared via Telegram:

Not sure what’s longer: a microwave minute or watching a video while someone else is holding the phone, insisting it’s hilarious.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I want a chiropractor to crack my entire body like a glow stick.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Why can’t men admit when they doze off? What’s wrong with them?

I really want to be nice, but annoying people just won’t let me.

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I really want to be nice, but annoying people just won’t let me.
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Commentary:
"Trying to be nice is like trying to catch a butterfly – you're just one annoying person away from turning into a fire-breathing dragon! πŸ¦‹πŸ”₯ #NiceButNotThatNice"

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Welcome to Wordgag! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

Social Media Stars ⭐

13 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m doing well at accomplishing nothing today and I’m very proud of myself.

13 shares on Slack this month:

Even in my early 20’s, I was diagnosed with late stage 40’s.

69 shares on WeChat this month:

Blocking people isn’t enough. I need their favorite TV show to get cancelled.

56 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It’s not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.

92 shares on X this month:

Sounds like you are suffering from a lack of vitamin Me.

33 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Felony Vandalism is a beautiful name for a girl.

16 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My sleeping cycle is completely backwards. In the morning I feel sleepy and at night I can’t fall asleep.

79 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m not gaining weight, I’m retaining candy.

31 shares on TikTok this month:

There should be a day between Sunday and Monday called Hang on a Second.

87 shares on Instagram this month:

Girl who is still crazy: I was crazy back then.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

5 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Welcome to your 40s: you’re not having a midlife crisis, you’re just awake.

13 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

When I tell a joke that doesn’t land, I follow up with a worse one to make my audience realize how good they had it with the first joke.

19 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Welcome to your 40’s: oh you like surprises? here’s another chin. Surprise!

14 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I think it’s sad that getting married is one of the only ways to guarantee somebody will be forced to make a speech about how great you are.

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Going out for two days in a row should really be considered an extreme sport.

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

At least men and women can agree on one thing: it feels amazing to take a bra off.

24 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

We’ve all at least once caught our toes when putting on our knickers and jumped around the room like idiots.

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

He called me delusional, but I think he meant delicious.

13 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

It sucks that the reward for being responsible, is just a bunch of new responsibilities.

15 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Onesies are amazing till you have to really pee in the middle of the night then you question all your life’s decisions.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,234

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡Ώ has downloaded:

I’m getting close to that age where people applaud the things I’m β€œstill able to do”.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡Ή has viewed:

Reoccurring dreams be like: ‘I dunno, here’s a rerun’

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡³ has downloaded:

Italians, look away now. I break my spaghetti in half before I cook it.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡­ has shared:

If craziness could fly, some people would have their own airport.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡¦ has copied:

The only exercise I done last month was running out of money.

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ has downloaded:

Is Craigslist still around, or did everyone over there get murdered?

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Ώ has copied:

Sorry, I can’t go out this weekend. I went out last weekend, and I’m still recovering from that.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡Ό has copied:

Oh no, a login from a new device? And that device is my phone? The one that I use every single day? And the location is my house, you say? Thank you so much for warning me. I will contact Interpol.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡¬ has viewed:

Why is it called Christian community and not Holyfans?

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡± has bookmarked:

I forgot how to panic. Help!

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Freshly posted on Telegram:

How bad can a decision really be if nobody from the future shows up to stop you?

Going viral on Pinterest:

My five-year plan is to just see what happens.

Trending via Slack:

If I had a wife, I’d text her things like, ‘What’s your full name?’ and ‘When’s your birthday?’

Breaking via WhatsApp:

The Gulf of Mexico should’ve been renamed to Sea SeΓ±or.

Just landed via TikTok:

Every time you give someone the benefit, they deliver the doubt.

Spotted on Facebook:

β€œThe only thing standing between you and your dreams is you!” Yeah, have you met me? That’s gonna be a problem.

Spotted on Discord:

We can’t use nicknames at work anymore, and I blame Teletubby.

Seen just now on Discord:

Adult life sucks. Friends don’t even ask to see how fast you can run in your new shoes anymore.

Going bananas on YouTube:

How is this the same brain that used to remember everybody’s phone numbers?

Freshly posted on Discord:

Happy to report that “what time is it/time for you to get a watch” is still being used by the youths.

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