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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

She was my chai, I was her cake rusk.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer and come out wrinkle free?

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

Just got diagnosed with needing a hot chocolate with extra marshmallows.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

If she forgives you, then 30 minutes later comes back mad again: that means she told her friends in her group chat, and the board of directors did not agree.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

Handyman to customer: If I had wanted you to watch me work, I would have become an actor.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

If you’re curious what the priciest item in a store is just bring a kid along because they’ll definitely find then break it.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

Sometimes my body needs to be punished by Taco Bell.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

That depressing moment when you start your car to go to work and it doesn’t explode.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

The moment when I drop my phone, but my fast reflexes slam it into a bloody wall.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

Tears for Fears: Everybody wants to rule the world. Me: Some of us just want eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,456

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WeChat:

I visited my doctor today. He told me my sugar was too high. So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf.

Just landed via Threads:

Gay? We don’t use that word anymore. Person of rainbow.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Don’t disrespect me and then be the moral compass on how I respond.

Breaking via Telegram:

My Mom asks why everything is on the floor, like she never heard of gravity.

Breaking via Reddit:

Everyone’s gangsta until grandma grabs that wooden spoon.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

At this point, if a clown invited me into the woods, I would just go.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Americans be like, “MM:DD:YY” is how you say dates verbally, and then have a national holiday called “4th of July.”

Seen just now on Facebook:

I think I could actually generate electricity with how irritated I get sometimes.

Seen just now on X:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here pumping gas until the dollar amount ends with 0.

I, unfortunately, was born without any interest in Avatar.

1 week ago

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Sounds like you were on Pandora's "Do Not Disturb" list! 😄🚫🌌

Avatar, born, disappointment, fandom, humor, i, interest, unfortunately

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56 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m at the age where I have to warm up first before jumping to conclusions.

99 shares on Snapchat this month:

Flip me over like a cassette tape, and play me again.

60 shares on Discord this month:

Seeing a BBL in real life is a reality-altering experience.

52 shares on X this month:

Keeping my mouth shut is usually not enough to avoid an argument with my husband. I also have to deactivate the subtitle function on my face.

27 shares on Facebook this month:

I wish it was socially acceptable to DM someone, “Hey, why did you and your partner break up?”

74 shares on X this month:

The IRS needs special envelopes for when you’re not in trouble.

14 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I think this man might be the one, I say right before he dumps me and I never hear from him again.

73 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If your drinking story doesn’t involve law enforcement, I’m not listening.

24 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Everyday I wait for a vampire to seduce me.

10 shares on Instagram this month:

I think Cinderella should have lived a happy life with all her animal friends rather than settle for a man who had her try on a shoe because he didn’t recognize her without makeup.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

If someone asks you if you’re in the queue, what they actually mean is “you’re really shit at queuing, aren’t you?”

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

Attention to detail is so sexy, study me, baby.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

At my age, a trail of clothes leading to the bedroom, means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

If I could do it all over again, I would ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

Never underestimate my desire at any given moment to go home.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

“I’m not short. I’m just more down to earth than most people.”

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

When I turned into the harbor of marriage, I didn’t know that a warship was anchored there.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

If you like Christmas so much, why don’t you merry it?

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

Just cleaned out my junk drawer if anyone needs a CD to reinstall Windows 95.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

Just give your kids the iPad. They’re the ones who’ll be fighting cyborgs in the future.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.

Broadcasted on Discord:

I told the trees what you did. Be wary when you enter the forest next.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I think we should all try to spend more time online. It seems to be helping society.

Going viral on Discord:

Body: time to fall asleep. Brain: hey, that’s an interesting thought, here’s six billion more.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Life hack: Confuse your doctor by putting on gloves at the same time he does.

Spotted on Slack:

Satan: “Would you please stop sacrificing animals to me. I’m not running a zoo down here.”

Spotted on WeChat:

Sorry, but if you’re walking slower than me on the sidewalk, you’re my enemy. Walking faster than me? Also my enemy. Now if you’re walking at the same speed as me… hmm, yeah, I’m thinking enemy.

Live now on YouTube:

I put on my Godzilla costume, then go to the miniature golf course to beat up the windmill.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I will play my favorite song until the artist comes out of my phone to ask for water.

Trending via Reddit:

Hugging helps break the tension with strangers in elevators.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I, unfortunately, was born without any interest in Avatar.

If you’re not getting spoiled, then spoil yourself.

Harmonicas are basically for people who like to hear music while they spit.

I wonder how many new moms try to pick out a unique name for their baby only to later learn it’s the name of an antidepressant.

Whenever I have a headache, I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

IKEA products should be cheaper, I’m doing all the work here. It’s like ordering takeout food and still having to cook it when it arrives.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I, unfortunately, was born without any interest in Avatar.

Keep the laugh going 😂

If you’re not getting spoiled, then spoil yourself.

Harmonicas are basically for people who like to hear music while they spit.

I wonder how many new moms try to pick out a unique name for their baby only to later learn it’s the name of an antidepressant.

Whenever I have a headache, I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

IKEA products should be cheaper, I’m doing all the work here. It’s like ordering takeout food and still having to cook it when it arrives.

Can’t, trying to piece together today’s news from social media posts.

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