Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

It’s actually crazy we figured out how to grow real diamonds that are cheaper and better quality than the real thing, and so many people are still like, no thanks, the suffering is what makes it special.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

Your secrets are safe with me. I wasn’t even listening.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Wish I came with subtitles because I mumble a lot.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list that I was making, and now, I can’t read anything.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

Democracy is a fine thing. The bad thing is that the stupid people are allowed to take part.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun to not be able to open that drawer.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

An internship is only unpaid if you don’t steal enough.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

When old people say, “Long as you happy,” that means you’re pretty dumb.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

Mood to play music louder than my thoughts.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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17,765

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15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Live now on TikTok:

I don’t get it when people say they are only a “little” angry, I am either not mad or will kill you.

Breaking via Messenger:

Someone needs to invent a theater seat that forcefully ejects you through the roof if you take your phone out during a movie.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.

Going bananas on Threads:

Dads hate stopping on road trips because then all of the vehicles they worked hard to pass for the last hour get back ahead of them.

Trending via Pinterest:

Adulting is difficult. One minute you’re proud of yourself, the next minute you feel like you’re not doing enough.

Just shared via WeChat:

Happy new fear!

Just shared via Discord:

Why go to the art museum when I can just stare at you?

Broadcasted on Slack:

If you give me a serious answer to a silly question, I’m giving you a wedgie.

Making waves on Instagram:

So it turns out that being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.

Spotted on Telegram:

Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.

I, unfortunately, was born without any interest in Avatar.

3 weeks ago

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Sounds like you were on Pandora's "Do Not Disturb" list! 😄🚫🌌

Avatar, born, disappointment, fandom, humor, i, interest, unfortunately

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81 shares on Pinterest this month:

Sorry, I didn’t text back. I don’t like talking to people anymore.

79 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t like talking to people with an IQ lower than the room temperature.

48 shares on Facebook this month:

One day you’re young and carefree and the next, you’re preheating the bathroom before you go in for a shower.

13 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m a kid at heart and a senior citizen at my knees and back.

64 shares on Snapchat this month:

Intelligence is now free, and the golden age of the nerd is over.

67 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’ve found God. It’s my turn to hide now.

66 shares on TikTok this month:

Our parents just don’t know how far we rode the bikes when we were young.

61 shares on Threads this month:

Satan: “Would you please stop sacrificing animals to me. I’m not running a zoo down here.”

66 shares on Reddit this month:

I cannot definitively say, even after all I’ve seen, that I would not visit Jurassic Park.

88 shares on Instagram this month:

Source? It was revealed to me on a walk.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

Glad to be born at a time when I got to see what life was like before the internet, and will be dead before AI completely destroys humanity.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

I dunno how to flirt but I can insult you so nicely.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

Relationships are actually easy when you’re not dating a retard.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

If you feel fat and sad just know it’s someone out there fatter than you.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

Imagine if social media closed every day at 6pm like a shop.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

Shoulda named my daughter Calculus cause damn she’s complicated.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

It’s called the Summer Olympics so one of the events should be running in flip flops to catch the ice cream man.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

November should have one more day. Just because to me November 31st sounds real. And also I don’t want to pay rent tomorrow.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

My ducks: in a row. My elephant: addressed. My eggs: several baskets. My bigger fish: fried.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

It’s amazing, when it’s your birthday you really feel the love from family, friends, lovers, former dentists, yoga studios and various smootheries.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Be gentle with me, I’m from the 1900s.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

He just walked right into my heart and switched on the lights.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Took a good look at my finances. I won’t make that mistake again.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I absolutely hate being woken from a nap. There were other treadmills in the gym that dude could have used.

Making waves on Twitch:

You’re telling me people get eight hours of sleep? Like in one night?

Spotted on Messenger:

You know you’re mature when you go to the dentist and you are no longer afraid of pain, but of how much it costs.

Breaking via Telegram:

I wonder if this is all happening because I opened that umbrella inside.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Please, Tinder, add AI to your app. I don’t want to be involved in the modern dating experience. Let a robot do it for me. Let the machines suffer in our place.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

When they say screen time is bad for you, they just mean the ones at work, right?

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Camping? No, thank you. If I wanted to sleep outside, I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

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Activity Log ✨

I, unfortunately, was born without any interest in Avatar.

I know there are bigger problems in the world right now, but I’ve just realized I’ve never seen a baby seagull.

Marry someone the same size as you to avoid decades of annoyance adjusting the seats and mirrors in the car.

There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them.

I realized being an adult is just feeling too tired to function, and then functioning.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I, unfortunately, was born without any interest in Avatar.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I know there are bigger problems in the world right now, but I’ve just realized I’ve never seen a baby seagull.

Instagram is literally just screenshots of Twitter.

Marry someone the same size as you to avoid decades of annoyance adjusting the seats and mirrors in the car.

There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them.

I realized being an adult is just feeling too tired to function, and then functioning.

Of course I wrote a grocery list. I carefully wrote it all down and then didn’t bring it with me, like my mother and her mother before her.

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