I used to schedule naps, but now they’re little surprise parties my body throws at all hours of the day.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Since I stopped texting first, I haven’t heard from a lot of people in a while.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

By the way, if you don’t buy anything on Black Friday, you can save up to 100%.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

I’d imagine the sound of clowns having sex would just be a cacophony of bicycle horns.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

They say “Time heals.” No, it doesn’t. I’m still mad.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

By the time someone says, ‘To make a long story short,’ it’s too late.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

Just bought a new umbrella for the person that finds it tomorrow.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

Home is where you can look ugly and enjoy it.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

A college education is one of the few things a person is willing to pay for and not get.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks. It cost me an arm and a leg!

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

I’ll marry your mom just so I can ground you.