I will never stop being a quitter!

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My Wi-Fi is stronger than my will to socialize.

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Can someone please fix the algorithm of my life?

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“This too shall pass.” And then some other bullshit will come and take its place. It never f**king ends.

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Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.

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For Valentine’s Day, I’m gift-wrapping a shirt my husband hasn’t worn in years. It’s the thought that counts—and technically, I thought of it twice.

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Most meetings end with the conclusion that everything needs to be discussed in another meeting.

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I’ve never used a semicolon with 100% confidence.

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I don’t understand why “family-run” should be a sign of quality. North Korea, for example, is also family-run and doesn’t convince me at all.

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Born to be quiet and mysterious, forced to yap whenever I get the chance.

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I’m not even doomscrolling anymore, I’m just regular scrolling, and everything’s doomed.