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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

You look like you can go as yourself for Halloween.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

They should let you spend one night in a house before you buy/rent it, just to make sure it’s haunted.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

If ads were a person, it would be that one neighbor who won’t stop talking to you at the most inconvenient of times.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

The evening news: Where they begin with “Good evening” and then proceed to tell you why it’s not.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

So why is it that when Star Trek ‘boldly go where no one has gone before’ they always find someone there?

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

I wanna meet the person whose parents are super disappointed he went to medical school instead of becoming a stand-up comedian.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

I’m too tired to shower. Anyone want to wash my back?

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

Most men don’t actually want to do things; they just want to talk about doing them.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

Europeans read a lot because their television shows suck.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

“I’m not ordering fries, I’ll just eat some of yours!” -Former friends of mine

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

791 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,953

Funny Quotes Topics

13,925

Funny Quotes Images

10,953

43 minutes ago

3,426

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

Deleted all dating apps, instead I’m just going to walk into a grocery store and look confused.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I know it’s true because the people on the internet said so.

Trending via Reddit:

God: “I’m all-knowing but I’d rather be all-forgetting.”

Shared recently on Messenger:

I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make one wool sweater. I didn’t even know they knew how to knit.

Seen just now on Twitch:

The sun really clocks out for the day before I do. That’s insane.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

If I’ve offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize, I honestly did not think you could read.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

The only time your man will surprise you is when you specifically tell him what you want.

Making waves on Reddit:

The number of times I stand in a room, staring because I forgot why I walked in there, is embarrassingly high.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Your opinions are not my business.

Live now on WeChat:

Dear deodorant manufacturers, please stop writing “72h” on your products. There are people who believe that. And they sit next to me on the bus. Always. All of them!

I would like to see the USA go metric before I die, just so I can enjoy the outrage that would follow.

6 months ago

I would like to see the USA go metric before I die, just so I can enjoy the outrage that would follow.

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Commentary:
Ah, the metric system debate – a true American classic! 🇺🇸📏 Imagine the chaos of using liters instead of gallons or centimeters instead of inches! ⚖️ Who knew measurements could spark such passion? 😄 Let the metric mayhem begin!

before, die, enjoy, follow, i, just, metric, outrage, USA

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

791 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,953

Funny Quotes Topics

13,925

Funny Quotes Images

10,953

43 minutes ago

3,437

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

If you think one of my posts is about you, it isn’t. Except this one.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Paid my mortgage so don’t ask me to come out. I’m getting my money’s worth.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, we need to flirt today.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

The world would be a better place if mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Be the reason someone spits out their drink today.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

Preparing for my beach vacation by watching Jaws.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

Pets don’t talk because the moment they do, the government will tax them.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

The future is buffering.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

If you like someone, set them free. If they comeback, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

I deserve a treat when I have a bad week, but I also deserve a treat when I have a good week. I simply always deserve treats.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

I wonder what the part of my brain that used to store people’s phone numbers is doing now.

Making waves on Facebook:

Quitting my job to rock around the Christmas tree.

Just shared via WeChat:

Handing the bus driver a $50 bill and telling him “Just drive”.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

If they stole your post, they probably need it more than you do.

Reported on Facebook:

Traveling long distance without earphones feels like you’re serving a jail term.

Making waves on Instagram:

This meeting could have been an AI summary.

Spotted on Discord:

Be the lemon you want the world to hand to others.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

When I was a kid I would say I’m whatever age and a half because I wanted to be older. Now I say I turned 40 a few years ago.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Christmas adverts: “Eat all the food! Drink all the drink! Spoil yourself! It’s Christmas!” New year adverts: “Look at what you’ve done to yourself, you fat sack of shit!”

Just landed via YouTube:

A person becomes 10 times more attractive not by their looks but by photoshop.

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