I’d be really slim if it wasn’t for birthdays, anniversaries, Easter, Christmas, Mother’s Day, weekends and me.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

I welcome change as long as nothing is altered or different than before.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

My goal is to do one thing each day that could prevent me from being elected to political office.

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My husband said I use a lot of makeup, so I showed him some makeup tutorials on TikTok and I don’t think he’ll be making that mistake again.

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If you think you’re going to be in a dangerous situation, dress accordingly. Don’t wear flip-flops to a bank robbery, for example.

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Okay, this is getting ridiculous. It can’t just be the one guy. It’s gotta be a group of people pooping my son’s diaper.

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Why do my kids have Veteran’s Day off, they haven’t done shit.

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Being a social worker is crazy because those are literally my two least favorite things.

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The night before a day off is more satisfying than the actual day off.

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People think I’m a minimalist, but I’m just broke.

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Apologize for the job that you do. It would be nice if you were talented too.