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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

Self-cleaning conscience.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

Day 12 without chocolate: Lost all hearing in my left eye.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

Explaining myself is too much work, just judge me.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

The feminine urge to say “ouch” when I bump into things that doesn’t even hurt.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

In an alternate universe, sex dreams of me.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

What base is it when he says, “I know you need it badly,” but he’s talking about sleep?

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

A cheat code to adulting is to always have something to look forward to, no matter how small or big.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

Not to brag, but I finished an entire book in one sitting. I’m going to need some new crayons.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

I find it sad that my universal remote does not control the universe. Not even remotely.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

My life is ruined. I wish to live no more. Never mind, I found the remote.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,497

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Telegram:

My greatest aspiration is to one day solve a murder on a train.

Seen just now on Slack:

Some people have goals based on a summer body. Mine revolve entirely around the weight limit of my beach chairs.

Just landed via Discord:

Thank you all for attending my final rose ceremony. There will be no roses.

Live now on Messenger:

Restaurants: put your phone down, live in the moment. Also, scan our QR code and browse our menu.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Chasing after a ping pong ball is wildly dehumanizing.

Spotted on Twitch:

Five out of six people find Russian Roulette to be a safe activity.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I’m a yapper. I’m a napper. I’m a midnight snacker.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Nothing angers me more than tall ghosts in horror movies. No one born in 1782 was that tall. Do your research, screenwriters.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Don’t forget to brush your teeth, comb your hair, cleanse your face, and share my posts.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Being anti-AI right now feels like being one of the few unbitten humans in a zombie apocalypse.

Idiocracy wasn’t supposed to be a documentary.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"2023: The year we proudly graduated from 'Idiocracy Academy' without even realizing it! 🤪📚🎓"

comedy, commentary, documentary, humor, Idiocracy, satire, social, social commentary

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Sometimes I don’t have anything intelligent to say and sometimes I don’t let that stop me.

0

2 months ago

anything, communication, confidence, honesty, honesty in communication, humor, humor about speech, i, intelligent, let, me, personality, say, self-awareness, sometimes, speech, stop
I’m a simple girl, really. I just want to watch the sunset, laugh, drink coffee, and read books. I also want a time machine and a pet dragon.

0

2 months ago

book, books, coffee, dragon, drink, fantasy, girl, humor, i, just, laugh, machine, pet, read, simple, simple girl, sunset, thinking, time, time machine, want, watch, wishful, wishful thinking
Praying to God with a Chinese accent, and he is cracking up.

0

4 weeks ago

accent, Chinese, Chinese accent, cracking, funny prayer, God, humor, laughter, prayer, praying
If I walk into a girl’s house and she got like 50 plants, I know she’s a keeper because she already takes care of a bunch of useless things. What’s one more?

0

3 weeks ago

50, care, caretaker, girl, girls, got, house, humor, i, keeper, know, pet, plants, relationship, responsibility, things, useless, walk
Too poor for Ozempic but too undisciplined for strict diet and exercise. Is there a secret third option?

0

2 months ago

diet, exercise, humor, option, Ozempic, poor, secret, strict, third, too, undisciplined
It infuriates me that computer Scrabble doesn’t get mad when I win even though I’m livid when it wins.

0

2 months ago

competition, computer, even, frustration, game, humor, i, infuriate, irony, lose, mad, me, Scrabble, win

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

98 shares on Twitch this month:

Okay, fall, I see you showing a lil’ leg.

32 shares on X this month:

I thought my mixed signals were perfectly clear.

15 shares on Messenger this month:

It’s time for basic human empathy to make a comeback.

61 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t understand why people have to “get ready for bed.” I am always ready for bed.

13 shares on Messenger this month:

One man’s worst nightmare (me) is another man’s peace (also me).

78 shares on X this month:

I have nothing nice to wear for the government shutdown.

88 shares on Twitch this month:

My longest relationship has been with my Hotmail account.

60 shares on Facebook this month:

The thing I hate most about my stationary bike is having to pick it up and turn it around for the return trip.

98 shares on WeChat this month:

A pessimist is just an optimist playing hard to get.

86 shares on Threads this month:

My therapist says I’m preoccupied with revenge. She’s going to regret that.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

How much longer do we have to keep pretending that Pilates isn’t a sex thing?

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

Does anyone play Trivial Pursuit anymore, or did it retire with the encyclopedias?

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

Going to a wedding really reminds me of the important things in life. Like cake.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

Forget hot girl summer, it’s rot girl summer (laying in bed, reading books, laying under layers of soft blankets).

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

I run a parody bank account.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

There’s nothing like the first two months with a man when he’s still pretending to be a good person.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

I’m officially at the age where I hate unnecessary noises and useless friends.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

Spring is what we call the time in between complaining about the cold and complaining about the heat.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

If you see me out running, you should run too, because something is definitely chasing me.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

So much anger in this small little body. I feel like a chihuahua.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s being annoyed by stupidity.

Shared recently on Facebook:

If your drinking story doesn’t involve law enforcement, I’m not listening.

Going viral on X:

Your honor, if it pleases the court, I brought homemade brownies for everyone.

Freshly posted on X:

Stop worrying about being weird and start being weirder.

Shared recently on Slack:

Ok, hear me out: a reality show where billionaire CEOs have to live off of their lowest-paid employees’ salaries for a month.

Live now on WhatsApp:

First you’re cringe, then you’re the blueprint.

Making waves on Facebook:

Animals be 15 minutes old and already know what to do.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I wish there were an option to turn off the Wi-Fi connection for WhatsApp only.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Fog. When nature is too lazy to load the complete environment.

Spotted on Instagram:

Channeling my inner forest ghost: hauntingly fabulous and slightly lost.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Idiocracy wasn’t supposed to be a documentary.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Sometimes I don’t have anything intelligent to say and sometimes I don’t let that stop me.

I’m a simple girl, really. I just want to watch the sunset, laugh, drink coffee, and read books. I also want a time machine and a pet dragon.

Praying to God with a Chinese accent, and he is cracking up.

If I walk into a girl’s house and she got like 50 plants, I know she’s a keeper because she already takes care of a bunch of useless things. What’s one more?

Too poor for Ozempic but too undisciplined for strict diet and exercise. Is there a secret third option?

It infuriates me that computer Scrabble doesn’t get mad when I win even though I’m livid when it wins.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨