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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

I’m gonna be the first zoomer to start dropping the ‘two thousand’ when referring to the past. “Yeah, that was back in ‘17.”

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

I always set two alarms, one for “Good Intentions Me” and one for “The Real Me”

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

We go together like coffee and cigarettes.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

As a kid, I used to watch The Wizard of Oz and wonder how someone could talk if they didn’t have a brain. Then I got social media.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

My attempts to purge my possessions always seem to result in me rediscovering that I have lots of nice things, after which I lie happily on my hoard like a dragon.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

Adulthood is basically just trying to fall asleep at night and stay awake during the day.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

Where do I sign up to be one of those influencers with 2M followers whose whole thing is just standing in front of other people’s content and nodding?

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

Why there is always a kid crying when I go to the store? Dude, you aren’t the one paying for it. Stop!

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

I made all my money in the 80s selling Rubik’s Hammers. They were for those cubes that thought they were smarter than you.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

Someone was saying that social media makes you miss out on your real life, but have you seen real life?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

824 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,986

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,986

41 minutes ago

3,426

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

My husband thinks he can just order me around like he’s one of the cats.

Freshly posted on Slack:

The first person to see a peacock spread his tail probably had a heart attack.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I would like to have the peace of mind of a cow. I already have the body.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Nostalgia isn’t as good as it used to be.

Seen just now on X:

I overthink, therefore I am.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Do you also watch porn until the end to see if they end up getting married?

Live now on Twitch:

I bought some coconut shampoo today. I got halfway home before I thought, “I don’t even have a coconut!”

Live now on Twitch:

Establish dominance by asking your dentist if he’s flossing everyday.

Reported on Telegram:

You can either have a nice evening or you can help your child with their math homework. You can’t have both.

Breaking via WeChat:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need anything from Amazon today.

If I had today’s mind, I wouldn’t have made yesterday’s mistake. But if I hadn’t made yesterday’s mistake, I wouldn’t have today’s mind.

6 months ago

If I had today’s mind, I wouldn’t have made yesterday’s mistake. But if I hadn’t made yesterday’s mistake, I wouldn’t have today’s mind.

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Commentary:
Ah, the great paradox of life – we learn from our mistakes, yet sometimes wish we had learned without making them in the first place! 🤔💡 It's like saying, "If only I could time-travel and give my past self a heads-up!" 😅🕰️ Embrace the journey of growth and introspection, even if it involves some hilarious hindsight shenanigans! 🌟🤣

growth, humor, i, mind, mistake, reflection, today, wisdom, yesterday

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

824 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,986

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,986

41 minutes ago

3,431

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

I think we all need to go out into an empty field and just scream for about an hour.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

Adults should not be twins. Being twins is for children.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

Wanted to report a YouTube video, but there is no option for “Cringe”, so I just picked “Terrorism”.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

Babysitting a pair of twin babies right now and feeding them saying “here comes the airplane”. I don’t know, just feels weird.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

And then there are those dates after which you think: “Have I really shaved my legs for this?”

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

I wish I loved exercising as much as I love not exercising.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

Why can’t hackers just delete everyone’s bad debt, credit, and mortgages?

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

I’m at my most math when I solve a problem while creating three new ones.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

Revenge has no expiry date. I will deal with you when I’m ready.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

All my bills say “Outstanding.” I guess I am good to go.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

But are we sure that stomachs are meant to be flat?

Live now on Instagram:

Why are these idiots only giving robots two arms?

Spotted on WhatsApp:

At my age I don’t sleep, I nap between pee breaks.

Just landed via X:

Of course there’s birth control for men. It’s called the way they act.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Americans be like, “MM:DD:YY” is how you say dates verbally, and then have a national holiday called “4th of July.”

Live now on Messenger:

The Pope is the only employee who never gets to see his boss. Not even at the Christmas party.

Just shared via Reddit:

Every time I have to repeat myself, a new curse word gets added into the sentence.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Don’t be fooled by what your kids will eat at someone else’s house.

Reported on Twitch:

I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I followed a diet but it didn’t follow me back, so I unfollowed it.

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