Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

I’ve just turned off the news and put on a serial killer documentary to relax.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

The date didn’t go well but she was nice enough to send a PDF of everything I did wrong afterwards.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 40’s: you have big plans tonight. No, you don’t.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

Job applications are so stupid. “What’s your desired salary?” Ten billion dollars. Next question.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

Stop blaming others for your mistakes. Study Feng Shui and blame the furniture.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

Wanted to update everybody on my diet. I’ve decided it’s okay to be fat.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

What must a pancake think when it’s being flipped? Doubtless something jolly.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

Sometimes I’m like….. what is the point of all this? And then I hang out with the people I love, and for a brief moment, I see.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

If I say, “First of all,” run away, because I have prepared peer-reviewed research, data, and charts, and I will destroy you.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

I hope Google never goes down. I know like six, maybe seven, things.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,674

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via YouTube:

“You’re like if 9 a.m. on a Monday was a person.”

Shared recently on Reddit:

I take issue with furniture that deliberately moves 1 inch when you’re in a rush to get by.

Going viral on YouTube:

Some people stay longer in a toilet than in a relationship.

Just shared via Messenger:

Why is there a level 6 for toasters? As if someone thinks: “Tonight I’m really in the mood for ashes with butter!”

Just landed via TikTok:

“Your password is too weak.” Just wait until you see my will to live.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I do not use AI, I use Reddit commenters’ opinions as fact because they are right.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.

Trending via Messenger:

Just flipped my mattress, should have woken up my wife first.

Just landed via Twitch:

Real introverts are too introverted to tell people they’re introverts.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Not to brag, but I’ve done nothing for several hours.

If I had today’s mind, I wouldn’t have made yesterday’s mistake. But if I hadn’t made yesterday’s mistake, I wouldn’t have today’s mind.

2 months ago

0

If I had today’s mind, I wouldn’t have made yesterday’s mistake. But if I hadn’t made yesterday’s mistake, I wouldn’t have today’s mind.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the great paradox of life – we learn from our mistakes, yet sometimes wish we had learned without making them in the first place! 🤔💡 It's like saying, "If only I could time-travel and give my past self a heads-up!" 😅🕰️ Embrace the journey of growth and introspection, even if it involves some hilarious hindsight shenanigans! 🌟🤣

growth, humor, i, mind, mistake, reflection, today, wisdom, yesterday

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Shit posting is cheaper than therapy.

0

5 months ago

cheaper, coping, coping mechanism, culture, health, humor, internet, internet culture, mechanism, media, mental, mental health, posting, shit, shitposting, social, social media, therapy
I like how people say “manage your depression,” like it’s a stock portfolio, but you’re heavily invested in sadness.

0

2 months ago

depression, emotional, emotional investment, health, humor, i, invested, investment, irony, joke, manage, mental, mental health, mental health joke, mental struggle, people, sadness, say, stock, struggle
I just love the lack of privacy in the pharmacy line. Just standing there shouting out my name, date of birth, and exactly what is wrong with me for the world to hear.

0

3 weeks ago

birth, date, date of birth, exactly, health, hear, humor, i, information, just, lack, line, love, me, name, personal, personal information, pharmacy, pharmacy line, privacy, public, shouting, standing, world, wrong
Spotify Wrapped? Next year, maybe you should try to be in the top .05% of listeners to your girlfriend.

0

4 weeks ago

competition, girlfriend, humor, listener, maybe, music, next, relationship, should, Spotify, Spotify Wrapped, top, try, wrapped, year
I know I’m mad when I start talking to myself about it.

0

2 months ago

awareness, health, humor, i, know, mad, madness, mental, mental health, myself, self, self-awareness, self-talk, start, talk, talking, talking to myself
I call my smoke detector Gordon Ramsay, because every time I cook it screams at me.

0

2 months ago

call, cook, cooking, detector, every, gordon, Gordon Ramsay, humor, i, joke, kitchen, me, ramsay, screams, smoke, smoke detector, time

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

35 shares on Pinterest this month:

Whenever someone tells me how well behaved my kids are, I say it’s cause they’re not at home.

11 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My my husband’s favorite thing is when I blame him for losing something that’s actually in my hand.

97 shares on Pinterest this month:

The only thing I don’t miss about the 90s is people smelling like cigarettes.

61 shares on X this month:

My body is a “wonder what happened” land.

49 shares on Discord this month:

I’m currently on a really effective diet called “I only have twenty dollars until payday”.

74 shares on Pinterest this month:

Your Majesty” would be the best name for a cat.

13 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Welcome to your 50’s, you’ll look for your phone while scrolling on your phone.

97 shares on Snapchat this month:

Dear Aliens, Now would be a good time. Thanks!

78 shares on Messenger this month:

One sec, lemme just find the off switch for my brain.

75 shares on Facebook this month:

The clitoris has 8,000 nerves, if you gonna get on my nerves, get on one of those.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate it when I’m singing a song and the artist gets the words wrong.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Whenever I have a headache, I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

There are two quantities of popcorn: not enough and what have I done

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to your 40s, your level of cleaning is directly related to whether your guest can see without readers.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

People who say “teamwork makes the dream work” are the reason that some people want to punch other people in the face.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

My car spider built a web across my steering wheel and now I can’t go anywhere.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Girls are perverts when they like you.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the holiday traffic I said I’d avoid even though I did nothing to avoid it.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

We can do things one of two ways. My way or my other way.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

If you pretend you’re erasing the evidence of a murder while cleaning the bathroom, you’ll do a better job, and it actually becomes fun!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,695

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

I’m buysexual, you buy me food, I become sexual.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

Liberté. Egalité. Second Coffeé.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

My life is based on a true story.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

Maturity is when you realize money can actually buy happiness.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

This summer I’m going cicada mode: emerging briefly from my house and being really loud until I find a mate.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

I’ve tasted long-term relationships, I’ve tasted casual dating. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 9 p.m. ..!

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

The date didn’t go well but she was nice enough to send a PDF of everything I did wrong afterwards.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

Sorry I can’t carpool to work. That’s the time I use to angry scream.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

Pouring an ice-cold glass of anxiety.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

You know it’s bad when people start telling you that you are the strongest person they’ve ever met.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Discord:

Forced to say “it’s okay” instead of throwing a chair at them.

Making waves on Twitch:

Jackie Chan used to say “I don’t want trouble“ and then break everybody’s legs.

Making waves on Threads:

The main reason I got divorced was cause I got married.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Twitter is like attaching a message to a balloon, hoping that the right person somehow finds and reads it.

Making waves on Discord:

My daughter’s new Bluetooth karaoke mic has suddenly and mysteriously disappeared, and we are all just so, so sad that we can’t find it.

Seen just now on Instagram:

“Got milk?” Buddy, I don’t even have self-esteem.

Just landed via Discord:

You’ll be watching a series, and they’ll just randomly start playing the best song you’ve ever heard in your life.

Trending via Slack:

Caesar, looking shocked: “Is it bring your knife to work day or something?”

Just shared via Reddit:

Someone told me I wasn’t thinking clearly, as if that’s even an option.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Of course I have critical thinking skills, I’m thinking critically of you right now.

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴