If liars’ pants really did catch on fire, watching the news would be a lot more fun.

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Okay, I’ve proved I’m not a robot, now you prove you’re not a human.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Mambo No. 5, but it’s in a minor key, and I’m naming women who didn’t text me back.

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I ordered mushrooms on my pizza. When do they kick in?

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Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.

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The only way three people can keep a secret is if two of them are dead.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

It’s not even a crush. it’s just unsupervised hope.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

I was hoping to age like a fine wine, but I sort of feel more like an avocado.

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British people be like “I’m Bri ish” cause they drank the “T”

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My yoga instructor was drunk today. Put me in a very awkward position.